Sexism, racism, homophobia and their ilk can catch even us feminists by surprise.
We’re hanging out or working or sitting in class or spending time with a loved one, feeling totally comfortable, and then boom: Something happens that makes us feel icky. By the time we’ve processed that icky feeling as offense, we’ve missed our chance for the perfect retort. Or for the brilliant Gloria Steinem-esque incisive observation that makes everyone present see things from the perspective of the Other.
Of course, there are also the silver-tongued among us who do say that perfect thing, and we at Ms. adore and salute you.
The Ms. Blog’s new “Are You Kidding?!” column is a place for feminists to share moments of sexism, racism, etc–or possible moments–and how you responded (or how you WISH you’d responded). It’s a place to hear from other feminists “You’re not alone” or “Yes, that WAS able-ist” or “What you said was perfect” or “Here’s what I do when people say that.”
Let’s get the conversation started! Has a teacher ever said anything in class that made you cringe? Has a boss or coworker ever come out with something iffy? Has a date become a minefield? Does your best friend sometimes say problematic things that leave you stuck for a response? Here’s your chance to share your story with people who WON’T tell you you’re being too sensitive.
You can submit your stories in the comments, or by email to blog@msmagazine.com.
Cartoon courtesy of xkdc.
I”m 47 year’s old and I see a vast change in women and mens views over the past decade. Even from the 1970′s. I feel we’re pedaling backwards. I’ve personally watched the judicial system, law enforcement, media, television and even women denote women with racial and sexist epithets. Even the Womens Organizations ignore some of these pertinent issues. Let’s face it, we women in America, have to be beautiful, skinny, wear make-up 24/7, commercials portray women cleaning, searching for those perfect clothes (preferably size 4 and under)growing thicker eyelashes,diets, in search for that 700.00 dollars facial cream, Botox, Breast implants, and don’t get me started on the half naked women that come on after 11pm. that want to “talk dirty to you men.” All depicted by “women.” Equal pay, no way. Right to choose, we may lose, due to not being focused. Our focus has been masked by constant subliminal and even some quite obvious advertising. Just sit back “ladies” and watch an older show of the “women” in Criminal Minds, CSI Miami, Ghost Whisperer and even Ellen or just pick one out of a hat, now watch a recent show and you’ll see “Barbie.” I don’t have anything to celebrate today, all I see is expensive political battles that shouldn’t even be a battle i.e. “Save Roe,” “it was a US Supreme Court Ruling, it’s kind of hard to overturn.” We hardly have any available grants for colleges or small businesses for women (they’re disappearing)the Federal Funds are going to the largely “male population” that are bleeding this county dry, to basicly bail them out of extortion. Sadly, I must say we have taken 20 steps back. I’m old enough to say this based on fact. Well, at least Susan B. Anthony got her wish, the 19th Amendment was passed but just think, we women have only been voting/jurors for the past 80 year’s and men, well…since the dawn of time. The saddest part is Dove, has offered a “self esteem class for young girls”
whom may not look lika a Victoria Secret Model. The irony here is…Dove advertising claims “have soft skin girls, so you can be touched.”
As for the 19th amendment, if voting made any difference, we wouldn’t be allowed to.
Whatever happened to women’s consciousness raising groups and all the fun, good female energy producing get togethers we had in the seventies? I know this is a stretch for younger femmes, but we need to regroup and recognize when we’re being sabotaged by either gender! It happens!
I believe the feminist movement gave women the right to choose and live our lives on our own terms. I find it disheartening when women begin to judge other women’s choices. I believe we as women have a right to our choices and to support the choices made by others. Even if it is a path we wouldn’t have necessarily choosen for ourselves. It is because of trailblazers of the seventies that we have the freedom to work or stay home. But we still have a long way to go!
We need to begin as Virginia pointed out a movement which brings young women together to protect their reproductive rights, ensure equitable pay, ending workplace harrassment, etc. Also, to ensure these women do not end up looking at the glasss ceiling but know how to break through it.
Just the other day in a group I belong to for amateur stand up, one of the guys said he was taking Midol so he wouldn’t feel like “bitchslapping” people. I pointed out that we are not allowed to use racist humour and can only poke fun at a group we ourselves belong to. So why should sexism be allowed? The moderator of this same group came up with the question “what is the worst thing about men/women” and “what is the best thing about them”. wtf??? Like each sex is a hive mind or something? Who came up with this??? My answer was: the worst thing about men is when they call themselves evolutionary psychologists and come up with stupid gendered studies like “women evolved to go shopping.”
Watching TV recently I had one of those icky feelings…the more I thought about it the angrier it made me. The show “top 10 countdown – most shocking women” was the cause. It shows videos of women behaving, well, in ways which men perhaps might rather we don’t. More insidious was the running commentary which made fun of and criticized the women. How on earth does this rubbish – dangerous rubbish – make it to television in this day and age?