Stop the Meddling: Incorporate Your Uterus Today!

Isn’t it interesting how Republican politicians are so eager to get regulators out of corporate boardrooms and into women’s bedrooms?

Florida Democratic State Rep. Scott Randolph made that connection on the floor of the Florida House recently:

We constantly talk about not putting more regulations out there. Yet, when it comes to my wife’s uterus, more regulations. When it comes to my friends’ bedrooms, more regulations.

He was referring to the glut of anti-choice bills under consideration in Florida–but some of his colleagues objected to his use of the word “uterus.” Seriously.

He was reprimanded by the Republican leadership for using that shocking word because they were concerned about offending young pages who might be present. It’s been reported that Randolph was told that he could not mention body parts on the floor. I guess that he’ll never be able to participate in discussions of fingers, toes, ears, noses or throats. Can he ever ask for a show of hands? Does this just apply to him or every Florida House member? Can you say “member?” So many more questions.

And so the fun began.

The ACLU of Florida took Randolph’s uterine remark one step further, and “Incorporate My Uterus” was born (excuse the pun). Said Howard Simon, executive director of Florida’s ACLU,

In the crazy politics of Florida, if women incorporate their uteruses that may be the only way to keep government’s hand off it.

Unfortunately, Florida doesn’t have a lock on crazy politics and politicians. They’re in every corner of the country, and we should adopt this campaign in every state. Conservative Republicans politicians don’t respect women but they do respect–no, revere–corporations.

Women: It’s time for us to become corporate honchos, chairs of the board, chief executive officers, captains of industry, corporate titans, big muckymucks. Think of the benefits:

My Uterus, Inc. (hereafter referred to as MUI) should be a privately held corporation, incorporated in Delaware, Nevada or the Cayman Islands, whichever is the least interested in regulations and taxes.

MUI could shield assets from the U.S. government by outsourcing and setting up offshore accounts.

Instead of having a birthday party, MUI would hold annual meetings in exotic places and write them off as business expenses. MUI will take fact-finding trips, not vacations.

MUI would be a wholly-owned subsidiary of My Body, Inc. and, as such, would be eligible for annual bonuses based on performance.

MUI will be exempted from all health and safety regulations, because they’re just too intrusive.

MUI will raise unlimited amounts of money for political candidates it deems most closely aligned with its values.

Incorporate your uterus today and encourage every woman you know to do the same. Let’s drive the regulators out of our boardrooms.

Photo by Flickr user ilovebutter under license from Creative Commons 2.0

Comments

  1. Brilliant and horrible, Carol. Sugar coating this story with humor points up the only way we can survive the assinine archaic levels to which the Conservatives go!

  2. mentalocity says:

    I keep trying to go to the Incorporate My Uterus website and it won't let me! Is there a Republican conspiracy to block it??

  3. Carol King says:

    I totally agree, Melanie. We have to laugh to keep from weeping inconsolably.

  4. Ugh… right or wrong, it is the democrats that keep regulating and want gov't funding of the uterus. If you didn't want gov't intervention you'd support the pulling of planned parenthood funding that the republicans advocate.

    • Palaverer says:

      What universe are you from? You got any facts to back those assertions?

    • Carol King says:

      Oh please – you know Republicans keep trying to force women to have children whether they want them or not. They are the ones restricting women's choices and imposing regulations on women.

      • susan temere says:

        Yes, I agree. I have always felt that is the hidden agenda behind all the Republican opposition because when woman are busy caring for lots of children they can't get involved in fighting for their rights to improve the quality of their lives. Also, children costs lots of money. So children tend to be a significant drain on income. Then woman are too poor to work on improving the quality of their lives, which is usually volunteer time. Great article by Carol King!

    • Gretchen says:

      Right on, Jill! The ostrich libs have their heads in the sand. So sick of hearing the short-sightedness of the Dumbocrats! You can expect as much from another liberal journalist who just needs to suckle the teet of the Odumbass administration. I stumbled upon this forum while looking for something COMPLETELY different, and SO glad I don't read Ms. Magazine any more! Maybe LONG ago, but I'm so much wiser now :^)

  5. Gretchen says:

    Riddle me this: why is it that when another human being kills a pregnant woman, no matter how far along she is, it's a "double homicide" and you liberals are all up in arms against it? Yet, when a woman "chooses" to end the life of the fetus, you celebrate the woman and her freedom over her own body? You can't have it both ways! Man, you guys are just too much!

  6. Fran in California says:

    Don't rw posters understand that when they post their snarky slams at "liberals", it only makes us more annoyed? Ultimately, we turn our annoyance at (their institutionalized stupidity) them into progressive action? We can and will outlast their short attention spans; over time our children grow into feminist adults (male and female). We will outlast them because we can focus on the long-term.

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