25 Women Share Alarming Stories of Childhood Sexual Abuse

After a federal inquiry into sexual violence in U.K. schools was announced this week, Everyday Sexism founder Laura Bates created a hashtag, #WhenIWas, to encourage women to share their stories of early sexism. Women responded in droves, and #WhenIWas is now a virtual battleground filled with women’s stories of sexual harassment and abuse.

Sadly, as Twitter users pointed out, women experience this kind of harassment from such a young age that many stop recognizing it as inappropriate or illegal. Indeed, research show that 85 percent of U.S. women have been sexually harassed in some way by age 17 and, as UltraViolet pointed out, most survivors will never see justice. That’s why campaigns like this one are so important—by talking about widespread sexual harassment and abuse, we ensure that survivors aren’t silenced and traumas aren’t ignored.

If anyone ever asks why the world still needs feminism, just show them this list.

(TRIGGER WARNING)

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Front page photo courtesy of Flickr user 55Laney69 licensed under Creative Commons 2.0

Comments

  1. This year was my first year of high school, I grew up in a really strict Christian household and I’m not allowed to date. I don’t know if it matters or not but I have severe depression and anxiety and I’ve never had much self confidence so this year I met a guy in my homeroom and started talking to him when we had English together. We got really close and started sorta “dating”. He seemed so respectful and kind and he treated me like a goddess telling me I was beautiful and he loved me so much. After a while I got more comfortable and started flirting more (before we started “dating”) so then when we were in English one day he started running his hand up and down my leg. I was trying so hard not to make any noise and made direct eye contact with the teacher while trying to push his hand off my leg. He kept going and I looked over and whispered “please stop” until he did. This went on for weeks until we started walking to class together. We would always hold hands and hug but it was very innocent and cute. Then one day I went to hug him and he grabbed my waist and pulled me in. I put my arms between us and tried to push away and told him to stop but he pulled me closer and tighter and tried to kiss me, I panicked and started pushing away. He grabbed my butt and I begged him to stop. He finally let go and I walked as fast as I could to gym, I barely spoke to anyone. On the second to last day of school we were in a stairwell with some of my friends waiting for the bus like usual and he pushed me against the wall. He started kissing my neck and pushed his body against me while grabbing my butt. I whispered stop to him and almost started crying but he got closer and more aggressive. Our buses finally got there and he let go, my friends acted like they didn’t see anything even though I had tears in my eyes. I went home and hurt myself because I blamed myself for what happened. I knew I had no one to go to and I cried for 4 hours straight until my family got home. I tried to talk to my mom about her day but then she got mad at me for crying and yelled at me when she saw my scratched up back (I don’t cut) she yelled and told me I was lucky my dad didn’t see it. I cried another 3 hours until I fell asleep. Then the next day in English I was wearing a dress because it was my last day of public school and I wanted to look my best for pictures with friends. He sat next to me while we were watching Romeo and Juliet and started kissing my side. I just stared at the tv screen remebering the day before and trying not to cry because of the pain of my back. He then tried to pull my top down and grab me. I told him to stop and after a lot of quiet convincing he did. He then moved his hand down and pulled my side close to him and bit me. I gasped and he thought I liked it. Then he put his hand on my thigh and tried to pull my skirt up. I grabbed my skirt and tried to keep it down but he just tried to look up it. He kept trying to pull up my skirt and put his hand between my legs. I held his hand and asked him to to stop saying “please don’t… stop” but he grabbed me between the legs. I went the entire class asking him not to do things to me but he did anyways. I have never felt more alone and unsure about things. I feel like now that he has been that close to me I can’t leave because he knows too much and I would be seen as a slut. A few days ago he was telling me that women are only good for cooking cleaning, sex and sucking(receiving their husband’s stress). I didn’t know what to do or say. I still don’t. I could never tell my family this so I’m sorry for the long text but I had a lot I wanted to get off my chest.

    • please please please break up with him. he doesn’t respect you or any other woman as an actual person, an is manipulating the situation I make you afraid and unsure of yourself so he can take advantage of you. he is literal scum, and I know it can be hard to do, but PLEASE, leave him whilst you still can. his behaviour is not okay, and you deserve so much better. it is not your fault. be strong.

    • You don’t have to stay with him, he does not own you, you are your own person you always will be. your body is yours and he has no right to do what he wants with it, he has no absolute right to do that, and know that if I were there with you and he ever did a thing like that I’d stand up to him, I wouldn’t care who he is where he’s from, he will not disrespect you like that. Please keep strong, I care.

    • Sweetie you need to break up with him. In was in a very similar situation my first year of high school too. And that man did end up raping me twice. I know it’s hard and I get that family doesn’t always listen. But you aren’t alone.

  2. I’m not sure if this is the same but I was young and I was on a bus to my Nans house and this guy was sitting infront of and was acting all friendly and came and sat next and watched me play my iPad but all of a sudden he started rubbing my leg starting at my knee and started moving up my leg I just thought he liked my pants but then he reached my thigh and started and squeezing it and then stopped for a min to look on his phone so I thought everything was good but he put his hand back on my thigh and moved his pinky over my V area and I tried to move but his whole hand was on it and the he moved his other hand over my shoulder and I didn’t know what was going on and he squeezed me tit and put his hand down my top I told him to move his hand and he did but then he moved his hand off my V area and said if you tell anyone I will find you and he put his hand down my pants and I hit his arm away and he ran off the bus.

  3. May Thompson says:

    when i was barely 3 years old i was sexually abused by my grandfather, My mum always told me i had to be nice to people especially men and i had to smile and say i liked things i didnt like. So when my grandfather was around I was polite and as soon as my Dad and mum were put of site he would tell me to sit on his lap and when i did he would rub my legs and slowly make his was up to in between my legs, i just sat still in terror as i was told not to disobey my grandfather, ge would also teach me to lie flat on my back and stretch my legs apart so “something larger” could enter as he put it. I always hated it. by the time i was 10 he was still doing it. i moved out at near 11 and found out i was pregnant. I never told my parents as my dad was arrested for what my grandfather did, He put the blame on my dad. I misscarried that baby, My mum never Knew i faced that all on my own. All my life i have been raped and sexually abused by men all around, I have had 3 miscarrages and 1 still born, My mum doesnt know and my Daddy is still in jail as no one belives me of what had really happened. My mum has never been nice to me and so I left. I am only 16 now and an emotional wreck, I really need help and for some one to Believe me.

    • Hi. I read your story and I’m so so so sorry. You are so young and have so much life ahead of you. I just wanted to make sure where you’re living now, you are at least safe. You don’t have to reply, I don’t expect you to. Just wanted to let you know I read your story and I believe you.

    • I’m so sorry this is happening to you….but you are not alone … I pray that God gives you the courage to speake your truth loud and shame the devil

    • Marilyn lane says:

      I would recommend going to the police and telling them you ran away from a sexually abusive family, especially if you’re homeless/have questionable housing. Bc at least then you’re less likely to suffer sexual abuse again. Try to continue school and get better, also in foster care they will supply therapy. It won’t be great, but it’ll probabaly be better than you have. I’m so sorry and I hope it gets better for you.

    • Oh my god! …I believe you May!
      I can only imagine what you are going through you poor darlin, and all on your own.
      Have you talked to a councillor or your doctor? Surely they would believe you? I wish I could help you in some way? If you want to talk I can give you my email?
      By the way, my name is Jody and I am 37 years old. I was sexually assulted when I was between 2-4 years old and then again at 7 or 8 however my baby brain blocked it all out for the most part until about 2 years ago when I started remembering bits and pieces after I escaped from an abusive relationship.
      Just thought I’d give you a bit of background so you know I could at least sort of relate to you. And also so you knew I was acutely genuine, not some weirdo tying to harass you :/

    • Oh Baby…. You are one of the strongest women out here. Sharing your story with the world is a big thing…. Just remember who you actually are and love yourself. You are amazing and I am pretty sure that all your mother will be very proud of tou one day
      ĺ

    • Sarah Taetzsch says:

      I believe you. Try to talk about it with people you trust. You are loved.

    • I believe you and there are people who will listen to you and help.you out there. Please look online for organisations or call the crisis hotline and ask for help.

    • Angelina Harmon says:

      I believe you! Be strong and become something in this life. You deserve happiness. Do it for you. I realate to your story. Peolple think I wanted the abuse, but they don’t understand. You have to go on and live your life and be happy. Not everyone is bad. Trust your instincts about everybody and survive accordingly. God don’t give us situations we can’t handle. I personally believe I’m strong and believe you are as well because you are putting your story out there for people to relate and overcome. Your voice has power and I believe in you. Please in yourself and have a long and happy life with a family you created and raised with loyalty and respect. I am raising a child that is a product of rape from the age of 14 from my stepfather. I never looked at my son or the situation as a pity me situation. I said everything in this life happens for a reason. I watched my step father hold a shotgun under his chin and stopped him because I thought to myself why let him end his misery when he deserves to live in misery of his own actions for the rest of his life, I was 9yrs. Old at that point. It took me until right before statue of limitations was up without knowing to come forward and put him in jail without even knowing about statue of limitations. Be strong and spread your story as you can change lives. I’m proud of you.

  4. When I was about 5 or 6 years old my mom’s youngest brother took my virginity. I had just got out of foster care and was sleeping in my grandma’s room… I was wearing a big t shirt and under ware.. He can home and got in bed with new, my grandma was on the couch… He whispered to me to go to sleep because I had school in the morning… So I rolled over and tried to go to sleep.. He put his hand in my under ware and starting touching my vagina, It hurt so bad.. He got up and went to a corner and started playing with himself ..I got up and ran to my grandma on the couch.. I said Nana I have to tell you something she said what and I said never mind .. This happened until I was 10 … I went and told my mother after he started putting his mouth on my vagina… I still have dreams about it… He is now a police officer … Nobody ever did anything to help me.. My mom and grandma day everyone gets touched when they are little so I needed to get over it like they did.. They and like it Bennett happened.

  5. Confidential says:

    When I was 3 years old my brother started touching me inappropriately. He would watch porn and make me sit on his lap. He would touch me and put his mouth in places that I didn’t understand at the time, in fact I didn’t understand entirely what was even happening. He would hit me if I resisted and he threatened me… he said if I told I would be the one who was in trouble. When I was around 9 or 10 I told my other brothers. Instead of helping or protecting me they just did the same thing. One of the 2 realized it was wrong and stopped a year later. The other made me play games and enjoyed my struggle. I fought with him to buy time waiting for someone to come home. I didn’t tell my parents and I was determined not to. I was so ashamed and I still am to this day that I hadn’t told them. Then the brother who loved to play games and enjoyed hours of struggling and fighting went off to the military. He’s a marine now. By the age of 14 all abuse had stopped due to the brother becoming a marine and the other brother moving out. I live in fear in my own house. I decided to tell my parents. I only told them about the one brother who had started abusing me when I was 3. I didn’t give them the details. They did nothing and said I waited too long and for me to not tell anyone what happened. I still live in shame and am trying to overcome what I’ve been through. I don’t want justice or help. I just want to not feel ashamed and to accomplish my goals in life. I don’t care if my parents believe me I’m only sharing my story because I’ve seen now that there are many people who have gone through awful things as well. I want them to know that they should find their goal and work to accomplish it. I can’t change my past but I can ensure my future. It’s sad this happens to so many women and no one helps. We are still powerless even with the right to vote and do all of the amazing things we fought for. But we can’t feel safe in our own homes. I’m 15 years old right now. It’s been a year and I can be considered more intelligent than thousands of adults. The world needs to change.

    • My brother did something very similar to me for 4 years. Im 15 also. So far I have only told my two closest friends about 3 days ago. Im starting to realize that what happened to me wasnt normal. If you want to talk Im here. Just message me or something.

  6. When I was 6 my step brother who was like 23 or something came an layed next to me he always did that so It was normal. He would let me play on his phone or he would ask about my day an then leave. He was always so nice to me. On that night though he didnt leave, usually he would leave once I fell asleep. But this time he stayed. I was closing my eyes but I wasnt really sleeping. That Night he pulled down my underwear an put his mouth on my vagina. I was scared so I just kept pretending to sleep. I was frozen. That continued every night for a year. Until I finally told my mom an I never saw him again. Last I heard he has two small daughters, their in my prayers. That wasnt my only experience though it happened again when I was about 9 by My step dad My step brothers dad. He started touching me one night in my sleep. And one day he squeezed my butt but then it stopped so I didnt say anything but my behavior was changing so my mom asked if everything was okay and I bursted oout crying an I told her, she said that it was my fault since I shouldve told her and that I was dumb because It happend to me before and I shouldve learned to tell right away. That hurt so much to hear. An to top it off she stayed with him an I had to live with him for about 3 more years after that an the more I aged the more disgusting things he would say to me. Like Nice ass, Or I bet my dick would fit nicely in you. I was about 10 when he said that. Why must the people in your life you trust the most have to be the most likely to ruin you. Forever. Im 12 btw that was 2 years ago

    • Kassandra Benitez says:

      I’m so sorry you went through that honey, god knows i understand your pain.. beleive me you are not the only one who has been sexually abused that way. When i was 6-7 years old my own father molested me twice in the same bed i’d sleep with him when i was younger, i didn’t meet my actual dad until i was about 4 years old after who got out of jail. I was living with him in a garage with nothing in it, through out the years my father got a bed that i could sleep on so i would because he’s my dad i’d never thought he’d do this but he took me to the restroom one time & put his fingers in my vagina. I asked him what he was doing & he said to not look it’s gonna fine or whatever. The second time i was playing my gameboy i beleive i was laying down & he did it again he put his fingers in me. nobody ever found out, i never said anything. I was so naive & clueless when i was younger my father never taught me one thing about growing up. i don’t remember why i didn’t say anything, but through out the years as i grew up my dad became more & more aggressive & abusive he’d beat me all the time when he was mad or i assume just having a bad day. He used to leave me hurtful voicemail because i wouldn’t come home some days because he was crazy that i was so afraid to even say a word cause he’d slap me so hard, for years i dealt with my father he would treat me so wrong when i was younger as well he ripped all my certificates from school, broke my trophies & ripped apart my gold metals. Grabbed almost all of my clothes & threw it in the trash as he broke glass so i wouldn’t get it out.. this is the crazy part, i had family member who was married to my aunt which is my father’s sister for years they were together, my father lived in the garage that they let him keep to live in, let me tell you this my father was always mentally in another world i assume so my aunts husband took care of me for years when my dad was locked up & my father abandoned me with no explanation when i was only 2 years old. Years went by & my aunts husband one night sexually molested me while i was asleep, i woke up in the middle of the night as i felt someone touching me inappropriately on my vagina as i woke up I gasped for air because i was so shocked i was scared & in fear as i tried figuring out who it was & it was him he was drunk & i could smell the alcohol on his breath. I tried to get up to move & he put his hand over my chest & quietly told me to go back to sleep. The sad thing is that i can’t seem to remember what happened the next day. the worst part is that through out the years it kept happening with this same man, i never knew anything about sex, toys, private parts until he showed me. he knew i was struggling growing up, he knew my father was abusive & my mother never came around. So him, his wife (my aunt) & my uncle (dad’s brother) would help me out & give me money to eat because i didn’t have no job, wasn’t old enough to work. And i never had a stabled home i was always house to house so he would help me & give me money, through out the years i never realized this until now but i’ve realized that he was being muniplulative (if thats how you spell it) he knew i was clueless knew nobody took care of me, so that sick bastard took advantage of me & started touching me alot. He would brive me with stuff like money, food, gifts, toys, just so i wouldn’t say anything. i put this on my own life that for years i told him how wrong & discussed i felt from the things he would make me do. I cried a couple times & talked him & told him how much of a sick pervert he was. he never cared. I don’t know why i trusted him i looked up to him and my aunt as a mother & father. But he took advantage. honestly after the first time he molested me i told myself i wouldn’t sleep on that bed so i would sleep on the floor & he was once came down there for an unknown reason & he showed me his dick & told me to play with it. And i felt really awkward & looked at him strangely & told him my aunt was waking up & he quickly ran away & went back to bed. My aunt & him broke up after a couple years after all that & moved out. Like i said i was going through the horrible things because of my dad. so since i never said anything about it but only because this man told me over 100 times to stay quiet or else this & that. I was so naive & clueless that i beleived everything he told me. when i turned 15-16 i started realizing that i felt uncomfortable being alone by him, even though i’d still conversate with him when i’d go to where my dad lived. I’d only go to see my little brother & sister. It just almost was as if the devil was there but i was to blinded by the truth that i didn’t notice how bad & hurtful it was to see myself going through this & nobody knew it but me. And him of course but obviously he was never gonna say anything. until one day i put my foot down & i told him so many times don’t ever touch me in this ways ever again, because i will end up telling my aun’t he was always said that don’t worry it’s normal, everything is gonna be fine. As i cried & got angry so many times. He told me if i didn’t do it he wouldn’t help me & i was struggling another 15 year old wouldn’t know of. I’d tell him i wasn’t gonna do anything nasty at all & he’d get pissed off & talk shit & say he wasn’t gonna help me. I always felt forced to do it, but until i put my foot down & i told him to stop til but it didn’t stop there he started trying to find other ways to trap me to be honest. by getting me a random car, lying to my aunt saying that i asked him for over 800$ to get me a car when i never asked him to buy me shit, i clearly told him that i’d save money as i was working in colorado to come back home & find me a place so i won’t have to moving house to house or being the street. I never knew how much he was tryna cover his own ass to my aunt until now. little did i know he tried to do pervert nasty shit to me again when i came back & for the car as well may i tell you i was with my man who i am engaged to now. I said fuck no, your never ever direspecting me in any kind of sexual way thats when i told him your a pig after all these years? You still wanna do this to me that’s when i start to realize that men are pigs no matter what & they will do everything to trap or take advantage of your mind & body. Will lie on your name just to back his himself up, i was so angry & i was trying to be the loving niece that i was by not saying anything since he begged me so many times not do. Til i completely realized i am a woman & i will not tolerate this i am only hurting myself so I confessed it to my aunt & this man was blowing up my phone calling me back to back sending texts telling to not say anything please because he loves me & i already had forgave him & how he always tried to help Begging me AGAIN not to say anything & i told him how i felt about him how can someone supposably help you when they are helping you but in the most discusting thing to do to a kid. I even told my mother years ago when i was 14 cried to her asked to please please take me with her & help me because of what those men did to me. You know what she told me? She told me i had to stay there & DEAL WITH IT. I heard that come out of her mouth for years, she took me in for a couple weeks & when i came home one day i told her to open to door & let me in she denied me in alot of ways, ignored my phone calls & just completely left me out in the street & guess who was the only person to bring me back was the sick bastard & having to deal with my fathers abusive ass was the worst. But i finally confessed & make that man admit to what he did & he did. I made him admit it because he wasn’t gonna get away with his lies ever again. i never saw that man again after that day & to tell you truth i feel like i did the right thing. Yes i should have spoke up years ago but knowing the way my father was i couldn’t he’d beat me even harder then he did. And never beleived me at all, so i couldn’t trust anyone. But i’ve learned til this day i am trying to fight & let it all go. Because til this day it is still very traumatizing. I’ll never forget but i’m still looking for the strength to stand strong. And to any other woman who has been through something similar here’s a hug from me too you cause we are very strong.

  7. Wow..the stories I’ve read..I’m 47 and was sexually abused from age 6-10. I didn’t like it but was told I would die if I told. I believed it because my mom was always beat up by him. One time, I took $100 out of his wallet thinking that if he thought I was a thief he would leave. He knew I did it and told me what I needed to do so he wouldn’t tell I stole from him. I said no and he told my mom I stole from him. I was beaten that day for stealing. That’s when I knew I can’t tell anyone. But at 15, I told my mom what happened. She didn’t believe me. I carry my pain everyday. But, I really believe that I can’t let that evil person win. Therapy has helped some and I pray often. Young ladies, please don’t let what has happened to you in the past dictate your future. You are beautiful and worthy of honesty and loyalty. We must not dwell on yesterdays because then we loose out on todays and tomorrows. May God bless and heal you all.

  8. I was 12 when it started, a year after my mother died. He was 24, my step-cousin. It went on for a few years. He introduced me to drugs and took my virginity. I feel a lot of guilt because I never really said no, I just kind of let it happen. I realize now that what he did was wrong, he still claims that I seduced him.

    • Jeanine Gertrude-Anne Kolasa says:

      yes, i hear you..never your fault and never to feel guilty. You were only 12 years old. Precious thing. Keep speaking out.

  9. nobodyspecial says:

    I was sexually abused as a child by my teenage uncle when I was six. My mother told me it’s not his fault he was young and didn’t know what he was doing, then it was he’s was on drugs and didn’t know what he was doing. So I was taught that it was my fault it happened. Then my mother denied it ever happened I was a liar. She protected her brother over her daughter. So since it was my fault and a liar I became a whore at the age of 6. I made things worse sleeping around. Now I no longer deserve to be loved. I deserve to be beaten and severely punished for what I have done. Even God can’t forgive me. I’m that disgusting and worthless.

    • That’s not true and that wasn’t your fault hun. It was wrong of your mom to side with her brother. But you aren’t worthless. Nor are you disgusting. That would be your uncle for doing those things to you

    • Moniqa Hough says:

      I know how it is to feel like it’s ur fault. It is not ur fault. My mom chose step father over me to this day. He raped me since I was 7 she didn’t believe me she believed him. I accepted my mom doesnt want to believe me. I am now on a long road to recovery. All I have now is hopefully karma is by my side and brings justice for what he done to me

    • Hey let me tell U that it’s wasn’t Ur fault. U were very young n naive. Children r very innocent n submissive…….they believe in whatever they see, hear n taught. Pls stop thinking that U r worthless. Allah give toughest battles to His toughest soldiers

  10. that is awful and i been through it and still is . i just know better now. my mom told me i was going to marry my rapist. i still deal with it today. i hate life. im glad yall got better

  11. somebodyendthistorture says:

    Right now writing this im 11 btw. I remember when I was little I would go to an after school daycare (at the same school) and I had friends there. This boy who was in a higher grade above me would follow me to the bathroom and touch my private parts. I told him to leave me alone and he would tell me that if I told anyone he could get someone to beat me up. I was scared because he would rub me and put his fingers into me. I said it hurt and he didn’t care. He also taught me how to kiss and date and said I was his girlfriend. Remember that I was in kindergarten and we were both in elementary school. He would grab my butt and touch me and I never really understood what was happening. I told my mom and she told the school who expelled him for awhile and didn’t allow him near me. But he would still pop up and touch me. This seriously messed me up because I didn’t understand and I started going to my cousin (who is a girl) and touching her butt, thinking it was a normal way to greet friends. I got in trouble after that and my mom would talk to me about keeping away from strangers and not letting anyone touch my private parts except for medical purposes. Then a year later in a fish pet store (because my pet fish died) I went into the store with my mom. I was holding her hand behind her then quickly ran to another aisle because the fish tanks were more interesting there. Then as I was walking, a man followed me behind and started touching my hair then slowly going down to my butt. I turned around in shock and horror and ran to my mom. He followed me and pretended to be my father. I told my mom what happened in the car and when we went home, ding dong. He was at the door. He repeatedly tried to get me to open it and he said over and over “this is your mother, father, uncle, cousin, aunt, grandma, grandpa (the list went on) and we all have a present for you”. I pretended to not hear for the fun (because making someone annoyed was funny at the time…) until he told me to open the door and so I told my mom that someone was at the door. And there he was. He was expecting me to open but it was my mom. His smile turned into a frown. And he was looking at me and claimed that he was part of the family and wanted to see me. My mom threatened him getting him into jail. He left. He left after that and I told my mom who he was. We later moved out (not because of him) and moved elsewhere. People didn’t really sexually abuse me, but physically and emotionally. I would be beat up until I was bleeding, my family did nothing and said I was stupid, dumb, a b*tch, motherf*cker, dumb*ss, nothing, and etc. My mind is so messed up now, and I hate myself for letting all of this happening to me. I want to die, I don’t deserve to live, I just deserve to die. 🙁

  12. Hi. This is Very fresh story inside my family. son of my sister try to blackmail my brothers daughter. she reported this to me. when I took Notice of it. everyone inside family ask for proofs and support the boy. Now boy behave like a victim. this happen in a conservative muslim sindhi family of Pakistan.

  13. Anonymous says:

    When i was 5,i was molested my a man in train. He put his hand in between my legs and squeezed for at least 10 minutes. I was too afraid to speak up. And the second one happened now when i am 16 by a young man who grasped by chest and pinched really hard for several times. This time also i remained silent. I am undergoing therapy to overcome these trauma. I am really afraid of guys and tried to attempt suicide by leaping into ponds. I feel very low to my own self.

  14. Anon girl says:

    I have never told this to anyone. When I was 5 or 6 ,i cant really remember, the older brother of my best friend molested me. We were playing hide and seek and we hide in his bedroom. My brother was in the same bedroom. Me and the guy were under sheets and he touched my vagina. I didnt say anything because I didnt realize what was happening back then. When we got out of the bedroom, he asked me where did he touched me, pretending it was an accident and said he thought he was touching my leg. I think my brother who was 7 or 8 knew what was going on, but he never talked about it.
    Now I am 18 years old and sometimes that situation come to my mind and i feel overwhelmed. Ive never told anyone because it wasnt really rape and it was a long time ago.
    I apologise my english, it is not my mother language

  15. My family and I are missionaries to india. I’m 16 now. We moved there when I was 8, but before we moved we had to raise support and we stayed at lots of different houses all over the country while my parents spoke at different churches. We did that for about a year. At one house, there was a man who was babysitting me and my brothers. He took me into a room, and said that we were going to do something fun together. He took my clothes off and told me to lay on the bed and close my eyes. When I did, he covered my face with a pillow and opened my legs apart, and it hurt me so much. I tried to scream, but he kept my face covered. I could barely breathe, and I passed out. When I woke up, I was still in the room naked, but he was off of me. He threatened me, and I stayed quiet about it. About a month later, at a church, I was in Sunday school and asked to use te bathroom. When I walked into the hallway, there were two boys who followed me into the bathroom. They closed the door and pulled up my skirt and rubbed their hands all over my body. when we got to india, there was another incident where an Indian “missionary” raped me, as well as a youth leader there. My parents would be devastated if they found out that the people supporting us had sexually abused me. I haven’t told anybody, but next week we are going to visit one of the places where I was raped and I’m really scared about it. This world is so sad

  16. Jeanine Gertrude-Anne Kolasa says:

    I stumbled on this site and thank you sincerely for a place where i hope I can really share. It is also reassuring that many of us can share together without judgement, without fear- we have all just simply said the facts , the truth straight out, no obstacles in our way. You are amazing, beautiful people . Keep going and finding yourselves shine.

  17. This happened when I was in middle school .we had a teacher who used to teach us English, at the time he was very nice and really got along with most of the parents and teachers .English is one of the subjects I was most passionate about ,And the way he taught was very interesting and kinda fun
    But after a while he started to say weird things like what is the colour of your nipples ,and whenever I have a question to ask him he would be always looking at my breast .i knew it was a bad thing
    And should have told my parents but I grew up in a really conservative place ,so I just let it go
    Mostly
    I am just thankful that he couldn’t do anything bad to me
    Also there is a very old cousin of mine who is a straight up pervert ,he likes to hug and touch our thighs
    So whenever he comes me and my sister we both always hide . We tried telling mom but she says that because he doesn’t have children he treats us like his kids
    But I think familial love and lust is different thing
    Sorry for my horrible English .. I am now 13 years old and looking back if I had been courageous I would not have suffered at the hands of these two people .the thing is both of them use their Status and manipulation to achieve this , our society shames us up into being quiet and reserved so we could not speak against them .The most heartbreaking aspect is our parents or our loved ones we look up to don’t believe in us. That is the moment that we completely succumb to those monsters …however I want to change this I want to be a strong women and hopefully achieve this feat ..sorry for the lost post I feel like I just wanted to speak to someone about this .

  18. Pdiddygirl says:

    After seeing these stories and researching to find answers I have come to realize that I have demons that I need to deal with and things that I never told a sole until now. I was sexually abused from the age of 2 until I was 10 by a neighbor ( a grandmother 85 and her granddaughter 16). I never said anything because I was so ashamed as a adult once I understood what had happen to me.

    I was adopted at the age of 2 and lived in a orphanage until that time. We lived in the country and you could find a house here and a house there because everyone owed allot of land so house were spread out pretty far. We had a neighbor that lived way up on the hill about a mile or so and there was nothing but pastors around and trees. They were sharecroppers unlike my family that owned about 77 acres of land. That households had 2 boys about age 11 and 10 and 1 girl about 16. They did not live with their mom since she lived a few states over, they lived with the grandmom and granddad.

    I do remember the first time it happened, my parents had just adopted me and brought me home and the next weekend all the neighbors came over to visit and say hello to me. We had a neighbor across the street and my uncle across the street on the other side of their house. None of those houses had indoor bathroom, nor indoors plumbing,, we had a really new modern home with central air/heat, really beautiful home with wood floors and bathroom and I had my very own bedroom.

    The next week end the granddaughter came down and as my mom if I could come up to her house that they had brought me allot of toys and wanted to spend some time with them, so I guess back then everyone trusted everyone in small towns. So the girl came down to get me ( I will not mention names for anyone, it is hard enough to tell this and to have to remember the horrible things that happened to me). I was all excited about getting so much attention since at a orphanage you rarely receive any attention. We walked to her house about a mile up the hill and I remember it seemed so far a kind of creepy in the wooded area. When we got there were a lot of toys they had for me and I set on the floor playing with my new toys and was having so much fun. They had one of those TV that was black and white with rabbit ears and we were watching so kind of cowboy show on.

    At that time everyone had what was called a party line where all the neighbors were on one line and I remember the grandma calling my mom and told her that I was having so much fun and it was getting late and ask her if I could just stay the night and her granddaughter would bring me back in the morning. I liked that idea because I was having allot of fun. They had a fireplace and it was kinda cold outside and their house was drafty on the floor. The grandfather said he was going into town and would be back in about 5 hours ( we lived about 40 miles from a city) and he said he would leave us ladies and take the boys with him. I wish they would have never left and I wish my mom would have never let them keep me that night, my life changed 4/ever.

    I had played so much I lay out on the floor because I was getting sleepy so the grandmother was sitting in a rocking chair with big fur blanket over her closer to the fire and told her granddaughter, ” bring her over her I know she cold” so she got me by the hand and pulled me up and took me to her grandmother. Her grandmother picked me up and set me straddling her leg ( one leg on each side of her leg) and put the cover back over both of us. I had a little dress on and back then little girl dress was short. She was rocking and humming while we watched TV and that was making me really sleepy but then as I started to drift off I felt that old ladies hand on my thigh and a few mins later I felt her hand moving up to my panties. I was so little I guess I was not sure what was happening at the time. I felt her other hand come over and pull my panties over to the side and she started to slide her finger between the slits of my body.. I was starting to get really scared but was taught to respect my elders so I did not open my eyes. ( I thinks she thought I was fully asleep but her hand is what kinda woke me up) and then it happened, she side her finger right into my slit as if she was trying to find something and so now I am scared I had not had this happen to me before or at least I didn’t remember it. All of a sudden she stops right on what I now know to be was my clitoris and she act as if she struck gold because she stooped humming her tune. Then she started rubbing and pulling on my bit and as a 2 year old I guess it was not quite what she expect because I heard her whisper to her granddaughter “I’m gonna get it ready for you “. Me being a dummy or child little I thought she meant the bed and I wanted to get out of this ladies lap fast but was afraid to move. I remember as she was rubbing and pulling it hurt and I was making sounds ( suppose it was painful because I was little and scared.) I think i must have tried to move her hand or squirm or something because she pulled my hand back and placed her hand of me so I could not move. I just wanted my mom at that point.

    She did this for the entire show that was on that TV and then she told her granddaughter “It’s ready for you”. I wish I would have had enough sense to try to run or something, because her granddaughter slide over to the rocker and I felt her hand go under the blanket to, she took her finger and tried to enter me, but I guess only being 2 it was far too small for her to stick her finger in and she told her grandmother, I won’t go”. I guess the grandmother was not satisfied with her results and she woke me up so she could bath me and get me ready for bed. I was so dam glad for her to take her hand from between my legs and I thought it was over. Well I did not know just how wrong I was.

    After I got a sponge bath from her and the granddaughter she had her granddaughter dry me off with a towel and she keep letting her hands go between my legs saying to me “that is my toy” and I will let you play with your toys if you let me play with my toy and told me I want to see my toy right now… she scared me so bad i must have said ok or just look terrified, because she raised one my legs and told me I better not say a word or scream or she would get me. As a 2-year-old child I didn’t know that what was happening should have never happened and I guess I felt it was OK apparently it was because that lady did it earlier. She took her hand and fondled my area and the licked her finger and tried putting it inside of me again and I whined so she stopped and put a t-shirt on me that was not even mine but she never put panties on me. She called her grandmother and she came and pick me up and put me to bed. I was so glad of that because I was used to being secure in my own bedroom and bed, but, What I did not know was that her granddaughter would sleep in the same bed as me.

    She did not bother me when she got in bed and I finely was able to fall asleep, but in the middle of the night (I sleep on my side and still do) the granddaughter I guess waited until I fell asleep and I was kind of woke up with her hand slide between my legs playing with my bit again, so I did not move I thought this will be over soon , OMG was I wrong about that part. I heard the door close and I was not sure if someone was coming in or leaving out, but I felt someone get in the bed behind me and as she slides up close to me the granddaughter raised one of my legs up and place her leg under it so I could not close them. I felt her hand touch my backside and rub my cheeks and I could tell they were the grandmothers hands. I wanted to scream, cry someone to help me but we were in the middle of nowhere and the grandfather had not come back yet, so I laid as still as I could and pretended to stay asleep. This hideous women moved across my butt with her hand and used her other hand to pull open my but cheeks, which gave them clean access to whatever they were going to do and she pend down my other leg with her knee (I was on my side) and then it happened the worst part of the entire thing, she put her arm underneath me and put her hand over my mouth ( I wanted someone to save me quickly) she slide her finger between my butt cheeks and down to my opening and whispered to her granddaughter (” let me show you how its done”) and out of nowhere she took her finger touched my opening and was making circles around it and then she plunged her finger in me so hard i screamed out and she muffled my scream with her hand and they were holding me down while she kept plunging her large finger inside me( I was crying and trying to move but could not). I think I must have passed out because when I woke up the grandmother was between my legs with her mouth over my bit sucking like she thought I had a baby bottle….. I hated her for it, I hated them both. They had sexually tortured me all night long and as a adult I realized what they did was not only molester me but the grandmother raped me at the age of 2, by using her finger to do what she did to me.

    This got to be routine and I guess I thought it was natural because the grandmother told me that I had a toy between my legs and it was alright to let them play with her toy while I play with mine. This continued for about years until I got about 5 and then the granddaughter took over to the point she and I went to school together because she keep failing grades and would follow me to the bathroom and push up on me when everyone would leave, she would not let me leave and use to come into the stall and tell me she need to see her toy and would actually pull my panties to the side and do oral sex on me in the bathroom ( Our bathrooms where in a building all by itself so very few people would come in at the same time.) When she would finish she would tell me remember if you tell anyone I will do worse than grandmother to you. I guess she meant they always use their finger and it would hurt so bad, so I thought she would catch me when on one was around and use all of her fingers, so I complied.

    I am now 56 and had many traumas none ever like that one and felt so bad about allowing these 2 people to put that much fear in me that I never until today told a sole, my hubby does not even know. I never told either one of my parents. I did happen to see that girl many years back at a baseball game and she sit behind me and bent over putting her knee in my back and whispered in my ear, “You my girl” I love using my finger and mouth on your chocolate chip I bet you got a really big one now, let me see… I freaked hated her and turned around and told her don’t you ever speak to me or my children again or they will never find your body… I really did not mean that part but I have had to carry this guilt of ” Did they think I was a lesbian and that is why they did what they did, Was i a bad child, why did I not stop it….. why can’t I talk about it?

    I went on to go to college and become CEO of a corporation marry the most wonderful and caring man I know and adopt 3 beautiful children ( I could not have any of my own and I believe it was because of them and the sex acts they use to do to me). I never allowed a baby sitter to keep either one of my kids and now they are grown and on their own and hubby and I are happily together now for 26 years, but this hunts me daily and nightly and sometime I relive it in my dreams and wake up crying as if it was yesterday. I am glad I found somewhere that I do not feel like a freak and could finally get this crap off my chest.

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