“Should I Do It?” To Women Who Struggle with Porn-Driven Sex
July 2, 2011 by Robert Jensen · 43 Comments
Usually I address my writing about pornography to men, who are the majority of the consumers of sexually explicit material. But after a recent conversation with a woman friend, I was reminded of how often women who raise concerns about the sexism of pornography are discounted as being overly sensitive, prudish or unable to see things objectively. Since I’m a man, you can be assured–of course!–that I am not overly sensitive or prudish, and that I’m completely objective. So, if you are a woman who is struggling to get your partner to understand your concerns about pornography, I suggest you send this essay to him with a note at the top that says, “It’s not just women who think pornography is sexist.” Then add a note at the bottom that says, “You shouldn’t have had to hear it from a man to take me seriously.”
First, to give credit where credit is due: Everything I know about pornography I learned from women or discovered because of the feminism I learned from women. From the feminist anti-pornography movement that emerged in the 1970s and ‘80s, I learned to critique the system of male dominance and my own place in it. So, there is little that is original in this essay, but much that is important to keep saying.
When I present the radical feminist critique of pornography in public, I am often approached afterward by women with some version of this question:
My husband/boyfriend/partner wants me to do [fill in the blank with a sex practice that causes pain, discomfort or distress for the woman]. I love him, and I want to be a good partner. Should I do it?
The “it” can be anything, but common requests include ejaculating on her face, anal sex, a threesome with another man or woman, rough sex or role-playing that feels inauthentic to her. Again, not all women reject those practices, but for many they are unwanted.
The answer to the question “Should I do it?” is simple: No one has an obligation to another person, no matter what level of commitment in a relationship, to participate in any sexual activity that causes pain, discomfort or distress. People can discuss desires honestly and be open to sexual exploration, yet be clear about what crosses the line and is not acceptable.
Because I’m a man, women sometimes assume I can also provide a simple answer to their next question, “Why does he want to do that to me?” There is a simple, though not pleasant, answer rooted in feminism: In patriarchy, men are socialized to understand sex in the context of men’s domination and women’s submission. The majority of the pornography that saturates our hyper-mediated lives presents not images of “just sex,” but sex in the context of male dominance. And over the past two decades, as pornography has become more easily accessible online and the sexual acts in pornography have become more extreme, women increasingly report that men ask them to participate in sex acts that come directly from the conventional male-supremacist pornographic script, with little recognition by men of the potential for pain, discomfort or distress in their women partners.
The third, and most challenging, question is: “Why can’t he understand why I don’t want that?” The strength of sexual desire plays a role, but here the answer is really about the absence of empathy, the lack of an ability to imagine what another human being might be feeling. Pornography has always presented women as objectified bodies for male sexual pleasure, but each year pornography does that with more overt cruelty toward women. The “gonzo” genre of pornography, where the industry pushes the culture’s limits with the most intense sexual degradation, encourages men to see women as vehicles for their sexual pleasure, even depicting women as eager to participate in their own degradation.
After more than two decades of work on this subject, I have no doubt of one truth about contemporary pornography: It is one way that men’s capacity for empathy can be dramatically diminished.
To make this point in talks to college and community audiences, I often suggest that “pornography is what the end of the world looks like.” By that I don’t mean that pornography is going to bring about the end of the world, nor do I mean that of all the social problems we face, pornography is the most threatening. Instead, I mean that pornography encourages men to abandon empathy, and a world without empathy is a world without hope.
This is why pornography matters beyond its effects in our private lives. Empathy is not itself a strategy for progressive social change, but it is difficult to imagine people being motivated to work for progressive social change if they have no capacity for empathy. Politics is more than empathy, but empathy matters. Empathy is a necessary but not sufficient condition to do work that challenges the domination/subordination dynamic of existing hierarchies–work that is crucial to a just and sustainable future.
For women who want to communicate their need for sexual integrity to partners, and for men who want to transcend the pornographic imagination and empathize with their partners, the feminist critique offers a critique of male dominance and a vision of equality that can help. Instead of turning away from the unpleasant realities about how pornography is made, rather than ignoring the inhumanity of the images, rather than minimizing the effects of men’s use of pornography–we should face ourselves and face the culture we are creating.
As long as we turn away from that task, the pornographers will continue to profit. We need ask what their profits cost us all.
Etching by Daniel Hopfer (c. 1470-1536) of “The Lovers,” from Wikimedia Commons
This is excellent and will become part of the conversation with my college students about these issues! Thank you!
I would argue that mainstream porn is not even so much about male sexual pleasure, but about male sexual performance and female appreciation of it.
Exactly hits the nail on the head.
Can someone please explain to me why girls are okay putting semen in their mouths and hungrily swallowing it down by the load, but they’re uncomfortable having it squirted on their faces? I’d really like to know.
What makes you assume they are? I have found no evidence that anyone is actually more comfortable with one over the other.
1) If it gets in your eye it stings for ages.
2) If it gets in your hair it’s really hard to get out.
3) If you swallow it, it’s immediately gone. If it’s on your face, you have to wipe it off and be sure you got it all.
4) I don’t know about all guys or even most, but I have heard that the warm feel of a penis being in a girl’s mouth after the orgasm is amazing for the guy in both a physical and emotional way. Comparing that to the only possible reason I can think of for a guy to want his semen over her face (again, I haven’t spoken to many people about this so perhaps there are other reasons) which would be to ‘mark his territory’ as such, if I were to allow one of them as a rare occurance sort of thing as a treat, the former would be my preference.
I don’t know much about pornography. I have several male & female friends who like to watch it and find it enjoyable, but it’s never been of interest to me. On the feminist repercussions of it, I’ve always kind of taken the general view that as it stands now, pornographic media is anti-feminist, damaging, and degrading — but that is likely, in large part, because the participants are not given the same employment protections others workers are. Personally, I think men and women should have the choice (not be driven by circumstance and/or force) to engage in sex work, and I think sex work should be legalized and regulated, with proper health protocols enacted. If sex workers were given a voice and protection, pornography might well improve, and dare I say, become a viable and at least as respected as working as a cashier in Walmart means of earning a living.
That said, I’m curious about something — you mention the “gonzo genre,” and discuss how in recent decades pornography has become ever more degrading to women. I know pornographic media is also offered and distributed to the gay community — is this sort of uneven, dominance/ submissive, humiliating, degrading message perpetuated in this community? I’m genuinely curious, since the whole historical precedent of implicit unequal footing is (presumably) pretty much removed from the subtext, so one assumes that gay pornography is lacking that disturbing aspect.
I remember hearing about a straight male porn actor who switched to gay porn. He said that in straight porn there was a strong culture of the degrading women actors by the men, while in gay porn there was a general camaraderie between actors.
Unfortunately I can’t remember his name or find a reference to the interview.
How does S&M fit into all of this? I remember visiting a gay S&M club with some male friends of mine. The shoe shine “boy” explained that being a submissive was a choice on his part. He was adamant that it wasn’t because his father beat him or he had deep-seated psychological issues. If men are the dominants and women are the submissives in our culture, is there room for us to say that this is by choice?
You ended by saying “we should face the culture we’re creating.” Why not help to create another, rather than make some futile call for an end to a powerful industry? Wouldn’t it be more effective to create more female-positive images/encourage women to actually participate more in the production of pornographic films, etc.?
Nice article. Very appropriate topic. The writer was absolutely right that we are losing empathy and promoting degradation of humanity. I truly believe this is one of the biggest social problems plaguing the world today. Thanks for bringing this issue to light from a man’s perspective. Very refreshing!
What an insightful article. Thank you so much for this.
Personally, I think the idea of ‘ethical’ or ‘responsible’ porn sounds like an unattainable holy grail. Even if you could somehow strip (no pun intended) the dangerous aspects of mainstream pornography ie. patriarchal male supremacy, lack of authentic female satisfaction (how does one PROVE that?) etc… There are other issues which still negatively affect women that can’t be so easily proven as being harmful but do cause real harm:
1)the monoculture of body types which are allowed to be portrayed. It has been argued that only these bodies sell. Its a natural body type (sometimes), so is it wrong?
2) the fact remains that what porn stars may be willing to do, your partner may NOT be willing to do. So in that way, seeing the beautiful and perhaps consensual act of spraying semen into a willing woman’s face in a pornography may still cause relationship issues for you in real life.
I’m not suggesting to enact legislation that bans these kinds of media, but I think we as citizens have been deliberately misinformed as to the real consequences of pornography consumption. Draw yet another mark on the ‘I blame capitalism’ board…
@Herbivore You mean draw yet another mark on the ‘I blame free choice’ board…
I find it the height of hypocrisy that as Robert Jensen criticizes the treatment of women in pornography, he has no problem using the same “radical” feminist ideological apparatus to demean, degrade and defame the experiences of transgender and transsexual people. As a trans person exploring the issue of pornography in feminist circles, I was made aware quickly that trans people are hated and discriminated against by members of the anti-porn feminist brigade. If Ms. Magazine is going to be accountable to the transsexual. transgender and genderqueer communities, they should be aware that a person they are publishing is transphobic and has contributed to hatred against our community. For more info on the topic, please see my blog post here: http://transmeditations.wordpress.com/2010/10/23/…
Whatever Jensen’s thought on the pornography industry, I will choose to ignore his work given his outspoken bigotry against a vulnerable and heavily oppressed social group.
In spite of the reply below saying that this is “off topic” I’d like to thank you for bringing this up. Though I find the article very good, that is highly undercut by the authors hugely violent views. One of the things that feminism/queer theory/activism has taught me is that context is everything, and that privilige is everywhere. I know I have it – and I hope that that knowledge prevents me from doing the violence that this man does. Thanks for the link. It is always important to be reminded when discourses obscure groups like the trans* community, PoC, queer people etc. They should never be excluded from the conversation.
Arohanui <3
While there are some genetic causes for the intersex conditions that are becoming more and more prevalent in today’s world it would be wise to investigate the role of plastics and other endocrine disruptors in the food/water supply. The increase in the number of transgender people is more than an increase of awareness it is one of the many medical problems caused by pollution in the food and water supply of our planet. We are animals and our bodies sustain damage just like the bodies of other animals. Our brains, thought processes, desires, self-image formation etc are all affected by the chemicals that we take in or that our parents have taken in during our embryonic and fetal development.
Pornography seems to me the preoccupation of men who have too much time on their hands and not enough real problems to keep themselves engaged in meaningful activities. Profit motive? Of course, where ever there is a willing sucker, there will be a willing profiteer. No man who likes porn can be a good lover b/c he has already lost his ability to make love. He only knows how to have sex…like any other animal.
“No man who likes porn can be a good lover b/c he has already lost his ability to make love.”
How exactly does appreciation of one sexual activity preclude ability of another? I’m not following. Seriously, this is not a logical statement. Inasmuch as you have to learn to ‘make love’ just as much as you learn to ‘have sex’, could it be that your inadequate porn-loving lovers simply never learned to ‘make love’, rather than ‘lost’ the ability by using porn? People have lots of different sexual preferences, after all, and always have, even before porn became widespread. If you prefer gentle ‘making love’, why don’t you try teaching your partners to please you, rather than demonizing their sexual preferences?
I also think the attitudes expressed here should be regarded as extremely offensive to all gays and lesbians, as well as all people with non-standard sexual preferences. People don’t choose what sexual activities they prefer, and pretending that porn has profound impacts on that is basically the same as saying that you can pray away the gay at reeducation camps. It’s bullshit, and it’s offensive. Regardless of the lousy working conditions in the porn industry and the fact that most people would not choose to work in the industry if there was an adequate social safety net, Jensen and his supporters’ marginalization of those who appreciate ‘deviant’ practices is blatantly and inappropriately sexist, and does serious damage to the respectability of Ms. Promoting these extremist distortions of reality in pursuit of legitimate feminist complaints about the treatment of women in a massive industry is harmful to your readers and the entire feminist community, and you should be ashamed of yourselves for supporting this bullshit.
“could it be that your inadequate porn-loving lovers simply never learned to ‘make love’, rather than ‘lost’ the ability by using porn?”
Fuck. I never thought of that. That’s a good point.
As is that this doesn’t work as a system-wide critique. I think that there is still validity to parts of it, in terms of “mainstream” porn and it’s relationship to heteronomative hegemonic discourses of sexuality, but the more of this comment stream I read the more the massive hole that is queer/trans/deviant voices becomes apparent, and the more the article screams “I’m a heteronormative, cis male, and I know all about porn because I am the only possible target audience”.
(1) i dont like the framing of the essay as “men want sex in some particular way, and women wonder if they should endure it.” patriarchy doesnt just influence male desire, female desire (its real, gasp!) needs to be discussed, too.
(2) lumping all porn under one label is equally as silly. what about feminist porn? amateur porn? porn and empathy are not incompatible
Part of me thinks you’re right that empathy and porn aren’t incompatible – but when you’re watching it, you’re not thinking, “Hm. I wonder if that girl is in this film because she needed the money? I wonder what her dad thinks about her being in this film?” It is a turn-on in part because you DON’T feel obligated to think about those things – like you do with your real partner, who has BAGGAGE.
Joelle,
I’m sorry for the discrimination and hate aimed at you as a individual. I believe too that injustices towards the transgender community are important issues that shouldn’t be ignored. I don’t think I could ever understand what you go through dealing with people’s ignorance etc.
However, that topic was never mentioned in this article. Attacking an entire idea based on your feelings toward an individual is ad hominem and inherently flawed. A lot of your language (in your blog and comments) are extremely inflammatory, polarizing and reductionist. I am convinced that the pain you feel is very real, but it would be a lot easier to read what you’re saying if you tried to avoid hyperbole and name calling.
You mentioned: “As a trans person exploring the issue of pornography in feminist circles, I was made aware quickly that trans people are hated and discriminated against by members of the anti-porn feminist brigade.” I humbly suggest that you do not pick your sides solely based on what common trends are in ‘feminist circles’. Try and understand these issues separately. I really don’t mean to hate on you, but please don’t judge the anti-porn movement based on what individuals have done to you. Remember (on a lighter note): Hitler wore khakis, hated smoking and ate vegetarian, for the right reasons. We can still do those things without subscribing to his other beliefs.
Don’t confuse sexist with sexual. The sexual palette is wide and varied, but we don’t all enjoy everything that is on it. Asking your spouse to participate in various sexual practices is not sexist, it is honest communication. Just learn to say no, and respect the decision.
Now the controversial bit. Men watch porn for the same reason that women watch fashion programmes. They enjoy it, they learn variety from it, they discover new tricks. So don’t be surprised if one partner wants to share with the other, but don’t forget it that it works both ways. She may want to play the dominant role, and he may want to submit. And then they might not.
I think you’re forgeting the influence of power on the equation. None of this exists in a vacuum. There are massive discourses that influence sex – and the impact of the fashion industry on female (and male, and trans*, but predominantly female) body image is one of them.
People, unfortunately, do not always come to the bedroom on an equal footing.
Joelle: looking at your post and taking it at face value, the person described is afflicted by the old curse of the left; the Blank Slate myth. The idea that all people and all men and women are precisely equal at birth, and only the magical influence of culture differentiates them. Nothing is inherent in mind, personality or gender. There are no constraints, all are malleable without limit. Amazing people still believe that crap. The right overstates the case the other way, certainly, but it doesn’t require a great deal of thinking or knowledge to see through the BS. On the other hand, perhaps those are purely constructs of the patriarchy and should be entirely avoided?
But is society following pornography in terms of absence of empathy or is porn following society?
I make this point many times: You do not have to point to something (in this case pornography) as the SOURCE of something else (in this case a profound lack of empathy), to argue that one affects the other. Chasing down which one started it all, while an interesting exercise, will do little to change the present problem, which is that they are mutually feeding one another now: There is a lack of basic empathy in society generally, which feeds the lack of basic empathy in porn, which then further feeds the lack of empathy in society. That cycle needs to be stopped.
this is probably the best article Re: porno is not good for women i’ve read. after being enrolled in a course about pronograghy and film, i’ve read many pro-porno articles written by feminists, i found them a bit silly and much like an above comment, NO we can not claim porno.. just like we can not claim the word SLUT! so i love this article and i love the notion that porn leads to a loss of empathy– that is truly brilliant! thanks
@Herbivore That’s complete bullshit. Do you realize you just said “Well, this person may hate trans people, but you’re too angry for my liking, and anyhow this isn’t about that”?
I mean, did you read the post they linked? That’s bullshit, and defending a person who posts transphobic shit like that is unacceptable. Please re think this person’s involvement with this site.
There are many sorts of pornography and this article, although interesting, makes no mention of this.
I’m interested in the issues because I’m a feminist and very pro-equality, and involved in helping to reduce homophobia, transphobia and other unjust discrimination. However, I use porn.
I’ve obviously seen the sorts of porn that the article refers to, and I don’t get pleasure from seeing the ‘male dominating female’ sort of porn. What I really like is watching a woman pleasure herself, no man needed. There is plenty of masturbation footage, and especially ‘amateur’ people, who have filmed themselves or got a partner to film them, and then placed the material on the net.
I appreciate that it is possible for this material to have been made for private consumption, maybe filmed for a partner to enjoy, and it’s found it’s way onto the web when it shouldn’t have done. I guess the only way to prevent this is to ensure that if you don’t want intimate images going places where you have no control over them, DO NOT CONSENT TO ANY IMAGES BEING TAKEN, EVER.
I also appreciate that it could be possible for a woman to be forced to masturbate for the benefit of the film-maker or photographer, but I believe I can tell the difference between this sort of material and the sort which the woman enjoys making. I could be wrong.
For some wonderful images which are, for me, wonderfully erotic but contain no genitalia, check out a website called beautiful agony, where users submit images of their face as they climax. I find this kind of pornography far more ethical than the sort which this article refers to.
I’d be interested to know if other people choose particular types of porn because they feel they are more acceptable than others.
LLG
I kept reading through the comments hoping to find someone with a similiar viewpoint as mine. I randomly found the link to this article, and read it with an open mind, but felt the writer was simply taking a segment of pornographic material, seeing the negative aspects of it, and applying it to all pornography. Are there not types of pornography where these issues are not present? I feel there is. I will take from this article his opinion on a segment of pornography, and look elsewhere for an opinion on pornography as a whole.
im a man and mainly agree with everything in this but cant help feel that whislt the degredation of women in porn is most definelty apprent, some women wont mind and rather do the nasty things being spoken of. i say this because i have had one serious relationship in my life and she was the one that wanted and asked to be punched in the back of head, tied up ect,i didnt ask and dont enjoy it, hurting people isnt in the same checklist and sexual stimulation for me, end of. but with this said i feel people are free to experiment in any way they sit fit as long as no one is being forced in to these practices or put in to discomfort weather mental or psyical.
i just want this to be acknowledged and not have every women think were all barbaric club weilding sex perverts
No, we know you’re not all barbaric, club wielding perverts. That’s a difficult question. I don’t know about the woman you were involved in, but I know why I have been in that position. I thought for a long time that I merely had a high sex drive (which I do, to a degree), but it’s actually more complex than that. I was sexually abused from a young age and received the message that all I was good for, my only value was in sex. Then I suffered a violent, brutal rape in my late twenties. After the rape, I was deliberately asking men to hit me because I thought it was my fault I was raped as I’d left my car door unlocked and needed to be punished (I know this isn’t logical, but I was hurting so much I wasn’t thinking straight). In relationships, I’ve tended to pester men for sex, both as a reassurance I’m still valued and needed and done/suggested things I wasn’t comfortable with as I was scared he might get it elsewhere. I had to be the ‘best’ at sex to keep them. I’m in a relationship now with a man who actually loves me for me. I find it quite scary and sometimes struggle to get my head round it. I was even trying to have sex with him immediately after my hysterectomy because I panicked and thought I would lose him if I didn’t. He wasn’t interested because he said seeing me in pain after major surgery was not a turn on. He didn’t want sex at all, with anyone, he just wanted to look after me. I am still stunned by this. My self esteem is obviously still on the floor. He understands me better than anyone and if he sees me go into panic mode and start offering swinging off the chandeliers sex, he says he loves me, he’s not going anywhere and just wants a cuddle because he wants sex for the right reasons and is happy to wait. I never have to do anything I don’t feel comfortable with and he’s taken a huge weight off me. So it’s not as simple and straight forward as it appears on the surface. I was the one forcing myself to do things I wasn’t comfortable with. I was having sex with one of my exes and he said ‘you like that don’t you, you dirty bitch’. I realised he was acting out one of his awful porn movies. He was so into his little fantasy role play, he didn’t realise I was crying and enduring as I had as a child, definitely not enjoying. I crawled into the bathroom after and hid in a corner as I did when I was a child and cried silently for hours. He didn’t even bother to check on me. Some of the women who appear most ‘up for it’ as I did, are often the most damaged and in pain. We just learn to wear a mask.
Well, how about we (the people) provide pornography that is sensual and intimate. Demonstrate how women and men should treat each other. Shiiit nothing turns me on more then some passionate lovemaking, and it’s also good for the soul. I think I may enter the porn business now, making videos only with my girlfriend.
…but what about the wide genre of femdom porn? Female dominant/male submissive sex is largely relegated to the realms of kink and fetish, but scores of men beg their female partners to dominate them as depicted in porn they’ve seen. It’s not all about male sexual dominance. For a lot of men, sexual humiliation, bondage, and power exchange are extreme turn-ons.
One can argue about whether or not that’s healthy, but a male partner asking his female partner to act out what he’s seen in porn is NOT limited to male-dominant exploitative sex acts. A lot of women are uncomfortable acting dominant or cruel in the bedroom, or assuming a dominatrix role. So how does that fit into our paradigm, where the act is usually ejaculate on her face, have anal sex, or have a threesome?
Isn’t the more important issue to find someone whose sexual tastes are compatible with yours?
Ali
I agree that the article could have been less gender specific about the article and made a more complete point. If you argue that dominance shown in pornography is bad for women, how could it not be bad for men in situations where the roles are reversed. The idea that you should find someone with compatible sexual tastes as yours is one I agree with. I think the arguement against that is that viewing these pornographic images repeatedly can make these acts become less shocking and more acceptable over time, which could be considered negative.
Well the article did mention: “role-playing that feels inauthentic to her”; not wanting to assume a dominatrix role can count as that.
I find most porn pretty degrading, but not because of WHAT they do in porn but because of the complete lack of real enjoyment it usually has. But that goes for both men and women. I think it would not be a problem if the movies they made were made by people who actually enjoy doing these things. Because I do not agree with the writer that most women do not like these things because they are in itself degrading. I think it is true liberation and equal rights when such conventions are forgotten.
I have done a lot of research in this field and I’d like to point out a few things.
Firstly, I believe we need to differentiate between pornography and erotica.
Secondly, there is no ‘right’ or ‘wrong’ when it comes to what people enjoy sexually – but nobody is just born with their preferences or ‘quirks’ in the bedroom. We are influenced by what we have around us – and pornography is becoming increasingly present and powerful. The vast majority of pornography, especially the mainstream stuff, is pushing a certain ‘norm’ on society: straight men dominating/abusing/humiliating straight women. There are countless issues when it comes to pornography, and this article has set out to deal with only one: women feeling pressured to re-enact these things.
I do not judge people by their tastes when it comes to sex. I am, however, aware that these tastes have been developed and influenced by outside sources. And I believe that mainstream pornography has no right to push anything as ‘the norm.’ Nor do I believe it is healthy at all for people to get off on being abused.
Molly, I was nodding my head to most of what you were saying, and then got a bit lost with the last sentence. How are you defining ‘being abused’? For that matter, how do you determine what constitutes ‘healthy’?
And how do you account for the problematic act of applying such definitions to others, to their practices?
No, mainstream pornography doesn’t have that ‘right’ (to push anything as the norm), and neither do mainstream therapy/sex education/church/whatever…the moment ‘right’ gets coupled with ‘norm’ I begin to see a reproduction of basic power relations that seem to me to be part of what makes pornography (and/or associated industries and, sadly, much of the anti-pornography rhetoric) antithetical with the socially-just world I’d like to live in.
I really enjoyed this article. I’ve read all the comments posted concerning the flaws this article might have. I doesn’t talk about LGBT, feminist, or amateur porn. It is very gender specific. However, I don’t believe this article is intended to discredit those genres or even ignore them. It is a gender specific article because that issue is wide spread in our society. Not every report or article can cover every aspect of a given industry or social concern. This was about mainstream, male dominated porn. I personally don’t think porn itself is inherently wrong. But I am strongly anti-porn, in general. It’s okay to want to watch porn, it’s okay to be LGBT, or have specific sexual desires outside the norm, etc. I have no problem with that. I have a big problem with the mainstream porn industry. The mainstream porn industry is generally degrading to women. Most porn actresses don’t even look like real women. They’ve had plastic surgeries, the pictures are airbrushed on top of that, and there’s much more pressure on women to look unrealistically beautiful than there is on men. Because of that, women are held to unreal standards of beauty. Women hold themselves up to those standards, and so do men. This causes a lot of damage to all of us. It is one of many problems we need to address. I feel our society needs to appreciate and celebrate natural beauty, in all it’s forms, and if we can’t do that, equality among men and women will never exist. These double standards need to cease, and so do unrealistic standards of beauty for women. And a lot of porn hurts equality and women’s rights. A lot of porn acts to keep women down. Not all porn does this, not all porn fits under this category. But this article wasn’t about ALL porn. It was about gender specific, mainstream, male dominated porn. And I don’t think we should ignore this issue or not talk about these things just because it doesn’t include ALL porn or ALL inequality among genders. There are a lot of issues we need to face, and it’s okay to focus on a particular issue or a particular aspect of a much bigger industry sometimes. It does no one any good to ignore it.
I think this is a stupid article and I am a feminist. Male porn will always exist and men will watch it despite what criticism is levied by feminists. Porn will only cause damage so long as women are unable to assert their sexuality, and commandeer their desires. As it is too many women are just responsive to male sexuality, hence this unbalance in society. The solution isn’t to focus criticism on men, but we need to continue the sexual revolution for ourselves. That to me is the problem with porn: not nearly enough accessible porn that’s geared to women’s tastes, and I blame that on demand and a society that surpresses women from realizing their sexuality . Most porn focuses on the male gaze, sexual fetishes, and male orgasm so of course it will be unappealing to women. Porn can be empowering in that it can liberate women from shame, guilt and sexual oppression. Pornography contains a discourse, just like any other kind of cultural or artistic expression. In pornography’s case, the discourse involves sex, and whatever contains a discourse can be approached from a feminist point of view. Instead of characters that exist in the collective male imagination, feminist porn would have characters that resemble the average woman and it would put equal focus on her pleasure. A healthy society allows all adults to assert their differing sexualities, as long as it’s consensual. Right now we have one that is tilted to only demographic. Straight men have a right to their porn, but their sexuality shouldn’t be the only perspective we uphold.
Millie, If you’re going to blame women’s oppression on women for their lack of ‘assertiveness’, and say that we can’t criticize men, and that they have a right to misogynistic, degrading, violent pornography, you have no right to call yourself a feminist at all.
A lot of commenters seem to be forgetting that our sexuality does not form in a vacuum, and that for a lot of heterosexual men, viewing misogynistic porn is how they reaffirm their male privilege to themselves – As Millie says, pornography contains a discourse; it transmits a set of ideas about how the world is.
Pornography transmits a normative statement about how men should treat women, and remember, it doesn’t just exist ‘in private’, its images and ideas seep through into the mainstream, and pornography is becoming more and more normalised and accepted in the mainstream.
Basicaly.. Dont find a compatable partner. blame all your drives on the environment you re in. feel guilty about being you. and then try to rep programe yourself. and change the world too..
Seriously..