When a Wife/Partner Succeeds, Men Lose Self-Esteem

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Not long ago a friend’s first book was published, so when I arrived at her home for a visit I eagerly voiced my enthusiasm and congratulations for her accomplishment. Moments into the interaction, her husband strode across the living room to a bookcase and returned with a copy of a book he authored 15 years […]

Should Feminists Be Critical of Compulsory Monogamy?

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In 1980, Adrienne Rich broke new ground in her essay “On Compulsory Heterosexuality and Lesbian Existence,” in which she argued that feminism need not merely include lesbian voices but actively critique compulsory heterosexuality as a patriarchal institution. More than 30 years later, feminist support for gay and lesbian rights has become commonplace, and is frequently […]

Beyond Consent: Opening Up a Dialogue About the Reality of Women’s Sexual Experiences

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When reading and writing about what was arguably a rape scene in this season of Girls, I’ve been struck by how many of the comments from readers fixate on the debate over what does and what does not qualify as consent. This is a debate worth having, and I stand by my use of the word “rape” […]

Marriage Equality is Here to Stay!

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What if the federal government decided to require fertility tests for married couples and declared that only couples capable of having children could marry and receive the marriage benefits? Or, what if a powerful coalition of Christian or Jewish or Buddhist (why not?) congresspeople decided that the government would only recognize marriages between people of […]

Are “Friends With Benefits” Really Friends?

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Hanna Rosin, senior editor at The Atlantic and author of The End of Men, has written a piece about hook-up culture on and off college campuses for the September issue of her magazine. Given that I’ve done some research on hook-up culture, here are my two cents: Rosin isn’t wrong to argue that the culture offers […]

How the Vibrator Came Out of the Closet

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Freud condemned the clitoral orgasm as “immature”–but at least he recognized that it was in fact an orgasm. Before that, medical science didn’t even think orgasms were sexual in nature, calling them “paroxysms,” and doctors actually prescribed them for their female patients. The practice of bringing them about by massage–first by hand, then by machine–was […]

Fifty Shades of Mommy Porn

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I’d never heard of Fifty Shades of Grey by E.L. James until my 65-year-old sister-in-law clued me in. Her book group in New Jersey is tackling the best-selling trilogy that went viral as an e-book and is now being made into a movie. It’s the story of an affair–with a BDSM slant–between a virginal Seattle […]

Is Fellatio Finished?

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This just in: Blowjobs are out. That news is via Esquire, which should be an authoritative voice on the subject. In the current issue, British author Geoff Dyer reports that in an informal survey of ten of his male friends, 80 percent preferred cunnilingus to fellatio–that is, they preferred going down on their female partners […]

When the Sweet Spot Becomes a Sore Spot

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Q: I’m a 21-year-old lesbian. A problem has popped up in me and my girlfriend’s sex life. When we practice tribadism with just skin, after a while a very small raw spot will show up, bringing with it a sharp pain. Both of us have this problem. Neither of us is clean-shaven, but we do […]

Whose Vagina Is It, Anyway?

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Q: I’m a 32-year-old woman being driven up the wall by my fiancé always saying that he can tell I’m playing with my toys when he’s at work because I’m loose that day. I swear to him up and down that I haven’t, and even tell him the last time that I have done something […]