Hello, I’m Parker, after school every day
Allie’s family takes care of us both while we play
My mommy works hard to provide for me
Her love is the source of our stability
Not toys or money, nor treasures untold
Community care is more precious than gold
There is a lovely Yoruba proverb: “It takes a village to raise a child.” In fact, communal parenting is a common and important practice across many communities of color and working-class families. Korean language speakers even use the phrase uri ŏmma—meaning “we mom,” or “our mom,” instead of “my mom”—reflecting a cultural norm where women parent beyond the bounds of a nuclear, biological family.
Feminists have long emphasized the benefits of collective mothering, also known as community mothering. Yet at every point in America’s patriarchal, capitalist, racialized history, women have been challenged by dominant cultural norms that emphasize individualized and biological mothering. Inflexible beliefs about appropriate parenting styles are limited, and can have devastating consequences.
For example, the United States government often criminalizes community mothering as a form of bad parenting. Feminist historian Laura Briggs’ book Somebody’s Children documents how, since the mid-twentieth century, thousands of Native American children have been torn away from their families by social workers who do not understand or value collective childcare structures. Most of these children were placed into white nuclear families, leaving some Native American communities nearly childless and impeding the intergenerational transfer of indigenous cultural knowledge.
Many feminist sociologists have pushed back against narrow understandings of parenting. Sharon Hays argues that pressures for mothers to “do it all” though intensive mothering styles alienates and emotionally depletes women. Patricia Hill Collins describes how blood mothers, “other mothers,” grandmothers and community mothers have collectively cared for Black children since slavery, playing integral roles in Black community survival. The mainstream media tends to associate these mothering practices with working-class and poor mothers of color, but Collins points out that Black middle-class mothers also rely on community mothering to protect their children from everyday forms of racism.
In addition, feminist immigration scholars Pierrette Hondagneu-Sotelo, Leisy Abrego, Rhacel Parreñas, Joanna Dreby and Evelyn Nakano Glenn have all written about transnational mothers who leave children in their countries of origin when they immigrate to find employment in the United States and other host countries. Transnational migrant mothers often rely on family and close friends to care for their children so that they work abroad to provide a better life for their extended families. The reality of transnational mothering disrupts dominant perceptions of motherhood, which assert that appropriate mothering should come from biological mothers who raise their children exclusively and “up close.”
When the three of us got together to write a research-based feminist children’s book about intersectionality, we knew that it was important to celebrate the reality and beauty of diverse family forms. Our book demonstrates how race, class, gender, citizenship, ability and religion mutually influence children’s lives through the stories of nine diverse characters. Each vignette suggests ways that kids can empathize with one another across difference.
Parker, the character in glasses and orange below, relies on her friend Allie’s family to take care of her when her mother is at work. We include both girls’ mothers in the illustration to acknowledge that paid labor and domestic labor are each necessary forms of care-work. Sharing care-work can alleviate some demands of what sociologist Arlie Russell Hochschild calls the “second shift,” or the household labor usually left to women after the formal workday ends.
Parker’s reliance on her friend’s family is not new, nor is it unusual. Rather, collective mothering is a valuable part of the social fabric of many communities around the world. This practice expands possibilities for peer relationships between children, provides youth with stronger adult support networks and fosters a more equitable distribution of emotional, financial and cultural resources across communities. As intersectional feminists, we must celebrate and recognize collective mothering as a positive choice to ensure the wellbeing and safety of all children.
On this most important holiday, remember to include your chosen mothers, other mothers, adoptive mothers and community mothers in your thanks and celebrations!
Happy Mother’s Day!