Homelessness has always been a controversial and misunderstood issue. And when the U.S. Supreme Court ruled in June that punishing homeless people for sleeping on public property does not violate the Eighth Amendment’s prohibition against cruel and unusual punishment, reality for those experiencing homelessness got much tougher. In reaction to the decision, California’s governor ordered local officials to remove homeless encampments. In August, in an equally cruel move, the Springfield, Ohio City Council abruptly shut down a shelter, throwing 22 families (including 70 children) out on the street over a contract misunderstanding.
In an effort to highlight a significant and unrecognized segment of America’s homeless population, a survival guide for mothers raising their children without a home released in September is being distributed to shelters and school district homeless liaisons throughout the country.
Three women—coincidently all named Melissa—worked with author Diane Nilan and co-author Diana Bowman to compile their wisdom from lived experiences raising their children without a home in The Three Melissas: A Practical Guide to Surviving Family Homelessness.
The book, published by the Charles Bruce Foundation, comes at a time when there is a national affordable housing crisis, governments are cracking down on the homeless population, and house-less parents (mostly mothers) desperately struggle to care for their children.
Rarely do parents have input in how shelters work, and they and their children bear the brunt of the dysfunctional policies.
Diane Nilan
Providing housing and services to unhoused people is the key to solving homelessness, but in the meantime, smaller, actionable items can be tackled. The three Melissas want to see the definition of homelessness updated and more family-friendly policies implemented at shelters.
“Overall, our family shelter systems can unintentionally exacerbate the trauma that many families suffer from,” said Nilan, who ran shelters for 15 years. “Rarely do parents have input in how shelters work, and they and their children bear the brunt of the dysfunctional policies.”
Redefining the Definition of Homelessness
Homelessness is calculated and reported to Congress based on HUD’s Point-in-Time (PIT) method, which counts the number of people sleeping in shelters and in the streets on an appointed night each January. It’s a controversial method because critics believe it vastly underrepresents the homeless population, especially the mostly invisible families doubled-up or staying in hotels/motels.
The underestimate justifies a relative minuscule amount of federal funding, about $72 billion, to address homelessness.
As of March, the Department of Housing and Urban Development (HUD) reported that 653,104 Americans were homeless, but the number is much higher:
- The count included 111,620 children under 18.
- In contrast, 1,200,000 children experiencing homelessness were identified in public schools, an undercount that does not include babies, toddlers and young people not enrolled in school.
Families—usually single mothers and their children—staying in cheap motels because they can pay night to night, or doubling-up in other people’s homes, aren’t considered homeless enough by HUD’s standard.
The process of determining who is eligible for services, needs to be broadened to match the federal McKinney-Vento Act, said the three Melissas, so access to emergency and subsidized housing can be extended to those living in other situations.
The McKinney-Vento Act, a federal law requiring schools to help unhoused children, defines “homeless children and youth” as anyone who lacks a “fixed, regular and adequate nighttime residence”—meaning the parent or caretaker rents or owns the residence, the child can come home to it every day and it is safe.
“The McKinney-Vento Act is empowering and provides protection for parents and children alike,” said Melissa N. from Florida who credits the act as a saving grace. “My kids were able to stay in school and make friends, which was the only constant in their lives.”
When I experienced homelessness, I had two cats. My case manger fostered my cats while I was in the shelter for fear I would not enter if I had to make the choice to give up my pets.
DeBorah Gilbert White
For this to happen, HUD and other federal agencies must declare housing a human right and exhibit a willingness to eliminate policies and practices that serve as barriers to people getting the help needed because their homeless experience does not meet a specific criteria, said DeBorah Gilbert White, Ph.D., who reviewed the book and is the director of education for the National Coalition for the Homeless in Washington, D.C.
“We believe that housing is essential to the health and well-being of every human being,” said Gilbert. “Our motto at the National Coalition for the Homelessness is: ‘Everyone deserves a home’—period. Connected closely to how we define homelessness is changing perceptions we hold as a society about people identified as homeless and the treatment of people based on housing status, specifically the criminalization of homelessness.”
Gilbert explained that the passage of anti-discriminatory legislation locally, state-wide and nationally such as Homeless Bills of Rights, Source of Income to secure housing and Right to Representation during evictions are helpful.
Melissa N. from Florida, who bought the FEMA trailer she and her three children were placed in after Hurricane Ivan displaced them 2004, could have used eviction representation. The trailer park where she paid rent, developed problems with the sewer system, and the county shut down the park without offering assistance to move the trailers.
“If we didn’t find the means and a place to move our trailer by the deadline, our property would’ve been written off as abandoned and seized, or we would’ve been trespassing on private property and forcefully removed from our own homes!” she said. “After calling the local news, reaching out to every church and community agency I could find to hear me out, and presenting our story in front of the Board of County Commissioners, we were finally granted resources to relocate the remaining families, secure new lots and have our homes moved.”
Loosening Shelter Restrictions and Adding Resources
Shelters are a lifeline for those living without a home, but they often create additional challenges, especially for mothers with small children.
The culture or environment of a shelter is shaped and framed by the people operating it, and those who are hired to maintain it, said Gilbert. There is a need for more low-barrier shelters that provide more flexibility connected to entering them and what residents are allowed to do while there.
“I support low-barrier shelters, specifically those that accept pets,” said Gilbert who experienced sheltered homelessness in Wilmington, Del. “When I experienced homelessness, I had two cats. My case manger fostered my cats while I was in the shelter for fear I would not enter if I had to make the choice to give up my pets.”
Staying in shelters doesn’t happen for lots of reasons. Many communities don’t have family shelters. Or they’re full. Or they don’t accept older children, especially boys. Pets aren’t allowed. The shelters may have unreasonable time limits or rules that are easy to break. Most shelters make people leave during the day, which is very difficult for mothers with babies, toddlers or a child with special needs.
Melissa A. from Chicago had a traumatic experience with strict shelter rules about curfew and absence. When her 7-year-old son was hospitalized with extreme constipation, she was faced with leaving her child in the hospital alone or lose the space at the shelter for herself and four other children.
“I told the shelter and they told me I would forfeit my stay if we didn’t return that night,” explained Melissa. “The hospital told me if I didn’t keep my son at the hospital, they would call social services on me. I pleaded and begged them that I had no support and I had nobody to come stay with my child.”
She explained that her other children, ranging in age from 2 to 16, could not stay at the shelter without her and the hospital only allowed one visitor. Through multiple desperate conversations with staff, social workers, counselors and shelter personnel, Melissa and her children were allowed to stay at the Ronald McDonald house for two weeks while her son was treated and recovered and then return to the shelter.
Shelters could also offer locked storage to keep items like birth certificates, legal documents and clothes for the off season. A mother with kids cannot remove everything from the shelter every day, even if it’s one suitcase per child. Having a place to store valuables items and documents is essential.
Melissa T. from Kansas who found herself without a home after escaping domestic violence explained, “I had a friend who allowed me to keep our belongings in an outdoor shed. I was grateful because I had a lot of pictures of my girls I wanted to keep.” Unfortunately, when she couldn’t use the shed any longer, she learned a hard lesson.
“Never store irreplaceable items in a storage facility,” she said. “If you are unable to pay for the space, you will not get these items back. I lost all my family photos.”
Families don’t receive “how-to” suggestions when they become homeless, until now. Nilan and Bowman, with combined 75 years of experience working with families experiencing homelessness, and the collaboration of the three Melissas, changed that disparity.
Learn more about The Three Melissas: A Practical Guide to Surviving Family Homelessness by visiting the 3Melissas website.
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