In an excerpt from When in Menopause, lawyer and writer Jennifer Weiss-Wolf explains how to find an informed clinician, prepare for appointments and recognize when dismissal is a reason to move on.

“As women we have become way too comfortable with suffering,” said menopause expert Dr. Sharon Malone, MD, at a New York City book launch event for Jennifer Weiss-Wolf’s When in Menopause. “Menopause is just the last on the long train of suffering stops we’ve had.”

Weiss-Wolf’s new book makes the case for changing that, from demanding better care in the doctor’s office to fighting for policies that take women’s health seriously. As she put it during the conversation: “We’re saying we demand to be seen. We demand to be heard.”

In the following excerpt, Weiss-Wolf offers practical guidance for becoming your own best champion and receiving informed, respectful midlife healthcare. When in Menopause: A User’s Manual and Citizen’s Guide is out Oct. 6, published by Sheldon Press.

When in Menopause: A User’s Manual and Citizen’s Guide

Advocating for Yourself: Be Your Own Best Champion

“As one who has traversed medical school and an OB-GYN residency, I can attest firsthand to the inadequacies in training regarding menopause,” Dr. Mary Claire Haver, now a renowned menopause expert, shared with me. “The ongoing dearth of education on its symptoms, management and related conditions leaves most physicians ill-equipped to address the unique needs of menopausal patients.”

This training gap translates into countless moments of pain, anger, humiliation and isolation, not to mention wasted time and money. One poll showed that whereas a third of women reported having four or more symptoms of perimenopause, less than half actually brought it up with their doctor.

To be fair, it’s not totally your doctor’s fault. There is overwhelming consensus that the way medical professionals are educated about menopause is lacking, to say the least. For those who attended or started residency after the Women’s Health Initiative 2002 press conference linked hormone replacement therapy to breast cancer, heart disease and stroke, the majority have not had meaningful or even any menopause training.

A 2022 survey of OB-GYN residency program directors showed minimal progress. While most (92.9 percent) strongly agreed that residents should participate in a standardized menopause curriculum, less than a third (31.3 percent) reported such training in their own program. Of those who did experience a dedicated curriculum, it amounted to fewer than five lectures and/or assigned readings on the topic.

Selecting a Medical Practice

Given how hard it is to find a doctor who is likely qualified, let alone committed to treating perimenopausal and menopausal patients, how best to proceed?

For those with a trusted physician—say an OB-GYN or internist you have seen for decades and through other life stages—by all means, feel free to start there. It’s always a good idea to reach out in advance to inquire whether they’re willing and able to discuss menopause symptoms and are open to all treatment options. If the answer is “Yes, come on in!” it’s still best to make a special dedicated appointment—a combination consultation and physical—rather than try to squeeze it all into your annual wellness visit. This is both to ensure you have ample time for questions and answers, as well as to comply with insurance coverage parameters, many of which only consider certain screenings like cervical and breast cancer as part of the “well woman” exam.

A note on verbiage. You may need to arrange a “problem visit,” insurance speak for an appointment to address a new health matter, like an injury, illness or symptom, versus your covered annual exam. Please do not conflate this to mean there is a certain threshold of pain you must suffer to seek out menopause care! It is just part of the industry vernacular.

If you’re not satisfied with your regular doctor or aren’t convinced they can help you, the next best bet is to find a menopause specialist. The Menopause Society, a U.S.-based nonprofit organization, offers healthcare professionals—including physicians, nurse practitioners, midwives and pharmacists—the opportunity to complete a curriculum and take a competency exam, earning the title of “Certified Menopause Practitioner.” The Menopause Society website offers a state-by-state database of all who meet those qualifications.

If you are not wedded to an in-person experience, telehealth may be a good fit for you. A growing digital care industry for menopause offers a wide array of practice options and price points from which to choose.

According to Dr. Lisa Larkin, former president of the board of the Menopause Society and founder and CEO of Her Medicine, “menopause is ideally suited for telemedicine because women can easily communicate their symptoms and concerns” and it can fill the gap for “reach[ing] women in menopause in underserved areas where there is a paucity of certified menopause specialists.”

For any visit—in person or online, with an expert or generalist—here are some basic rules of thumb to ensure the best outcome.

Before the Appointment

• Flag your doctor (or the office staff) in advance on the specific issues you’d like to discuss, including medications and treatment options, so you can get right to it.
• Write down your symptoms in priority order with most severe coming first. A checklist is a great format, and there are several prefab versions online, such as at the nonprofit Let’s Talk Menopause website.
• Cross-reference your checklist of symptoms with your questions, concerns and inquiries about any testing warranted. Back up any queries you have about your treatment plan with links, printouts of articles and dog-eared books, so even old-school physicians will be less likely to get defensive.
• Put your medical history in writing, including illnesses, surgeries, allergies and medications. While you’re at it, do the same for your family members—when your mother went through menopause (if you know), and whatever diseases and illnesses your close relatives had, which ones had them, and at what age (especially cancer, cardiovascular issues and strokes). Family history could allow insurance coverage of certain medical tests you may not otherwise qualify for (for example, if you’re experiencing fatigue and have a family history of hypothyroidism).
• Be sure to consider your preferences for managing symptoms and long-term health—and know that it’s your choice. If you want to explore hormone treatment, make clear that you have done your homework. State why you believe you’re a candidate. Your job is to raise questions and propose possibilities. Your doctor’s job is to give their expert opinion, not to gatekeep information, downplay your experiences or withhold options from you.
• Regularly review your health insurance guidelines. No two plans—public programs, privately purchased, or employer-sponsored—are exactly the same, or even stay the same from year to year, service to service. My best recommendation is to get as fluent as you can in co-pays and deductibles, referrals, prior authorization, and treatment coverage.

During the Appointment

• Start by naming the top three issues that are worrying or bothering you. Have your full checklist at the ready, which can help your clinician understand your priorities and appreciate the fuller context of your symptoms.
• Be clear about how your symptoms make you feel and any consequences of living with them. (“The combination of night sweats and anxiety keeps me from sleeping well, which makes it harder to function at work.”)
• Healthcare practitioners should never belittle, undermine or disregard your inquiries. If you’re offered only condescending platitudes—“just a normal stage of life”—but no real options, move right on to a new practitioner.
• For patients whose identity means they’re more likely to have their pain or experience dismissed, disregarded or misunderstood—women of color and queer people, especially—check out resources like Human Rights Campaign’s annual Healthcare Equality Index, which evaluates medical practices and offers tools to help prepare for appointments.
• Other red alerts: Look out for practitioners who are especially dogmatic and abide by “always” and “never” in their diagnoses. Conversation about treatments should be nuanced and personalized. Ditto to those who are not up to speed on current research.
• Flashing alert for doctors who display knee-jerk sarcasm, mock or deride online menopause resources, or resist your own self-education and advocacy. Dr. Heather Hirsch, founder of the Menopause and Midlife Clinic at Brigham and Women’s Hospital, acknowledges that tensions can emerge. “A new generation of women used to self-advocacy are demanding answers … and asking very nuanced, very mature questions,” she told Boston magazine.

After the Appointment

• When you find a clinician who makes you feel respected and heard—hold on tight!
• Frequent check-ins once a treatment plan is established are a good idea, especially in perimenopause, when hormones fluctuate. A prescription that may have worked well for a while can change, and tweaks are part of the process.

I especially love the perspective of social worker and attorney Lauren Tetenbaum, whose 2025 book, Millennial Menopause, surely applies to every generation:

“You do not need to accept your inability to remember things, your debilitating joint pain, your struggle to fall back asleep after waking up in the middle of the night, or any other symptoms just because you are getting older. If your quality of life is impaired or if you just want to feel like yourself again, help is available.”

From When in Menopause: A User’s Manual and Citizen’s Guide, by Jennifer Weiss-Wolf. Reprinted by permission of the author. This excerpt also appeared in the Fall 2026 print issue of Ms. magazine; get the magazine here.