Outing a Rapist

You never know what to expect entering a school bathroom, but one of the last things I expected was to be told that my school had a rapist.

Maybe I shouldn’t have been so surprised. Someone in the U.S. is sexually assaulted every two minutes, and an estimated 350 women per college campus of 10,000 students are victims of sexual assault each year. But there it was, a glaring reminder that rape is a part of college life. Attached to the trashcan for sanitary products was a sticker reading “USC Has A Rapist,” along with a Tumblr URL. A little startled, I took a picture with my phone before heading to class.

When I looked up the Tumblr on my laptop, I found Tucker Reed’s blog, “Covered in Band-Aids.” Reed is a University of Southern California alumna, comic-book lover and a woman who has outed her rapist. In February, she posted his full name and picture (alongside her own) on her Tumblr, as well as details of her rape.

The ethics of outing your rapist are murky, and those who have spoken up have often been silenced. In 2010, Chloe Rubenstein posted a note to her Facebook page naming two American University students as rapists and warning her friends to “stay away at all costs.” She removed her Facebook note a few days later and wrote that she was deleting it for legal reasons, ending her message with “No Fear. No Secrets. 2010.”

When she was 16 years old, Kentucky high school student Savannah Dietrich was sexually assaulted by two boys while she was passed out. After she took them to court, a judge said she was not allowed to talk about her assault or she would risk 180 days in prison and a $500 fine. Dietrich refused to comply with the judge’s order and tweeted out their names, saying “I’m not protecting anyone who made my life a living Hell.” She says she is glad she stood up for herself, and that she’ll never take the tweets down.

Then there’s University of North Carolina sophomore Landen Gambill, who, after speaking to the media about her complaint to the U.S. Department of Education regarding university treatment of her sexual assault, was told by UNC’s Honor Court that she could be expelled for “disruptive or intimidating behavior” towards another student (aka her rapist). And guess what? She had never even said his name.

Tucker Reed’s situation was complicated by the fact that her rapist was her boyfriend of two years. At first she tried to make sense of things, convincing herself that maybe he “loved [her] so much that he had to have [her],” but ultimately realizing that what she’d experienced was rape. She felt alone, Googling “dating your rapist” and coming up with no answers or advice. Now that she’s shared her story online, she says she gets daily messages from women and girls who’ve read her blog and “realized what happened to [her] happened to them.”

Reed is not the first woman to name her rapist in a public forum, and she’s also not the first to experience the backlash. “It was disappointing to see some people I had considered friends take sides,” she said. “I had one girl message me saying something like, ‘Look, we both know what really happened, Tucker. There’s a big difference between sex you regret and rape.’ I’d hung out with this girl, watched movies at her apartment. She was a self-identified feminist.”

The discussion on outing your rapist is a divisive one, but Reed has no regrets. In fact, she has strong words for those who believe she acted unethically: “The only ethical duty anyone had here to begin [with] was not to rape someone, and my attacker blew that. I would argue that my ethical obligation is to other women—to identify this individual for what he is.”

Feminist activist Jessica Valenti believes that speaking up about rape can be “straight up heroic.” As she wrote in The Nation, “Making the world more uncomfortable for rapists—letting them know that there will be consequences that include public shaming—is something I’m entirely at ease with.” Feminist writer Jill Filipovic agrees, saying that remaining silent “muzzles” rape victims by putting “[their] narrative in the hands of someone who presumably knows better.” In 2010, feminist writer Germaine Greer made loud and clear her wish for an “online rapists’ register” and suggested that sexual bullies should be ordered to wear “a t-shirt with the word rapist on it” as a community service.

Reed and her supporters (members of a sexual assault support and awareness group at USC)  have submitted a letter to the university requesting changes to the Student Conduct Code. They believe that the current wording on sexual misconduct contributes to decisions that ultimately lead to lenient consequences for students guilty of rape. Currently, despite having confessions from her rapist that she surreptitiously taped, Reed says she has been unable to press charges through USC’s Office of Student Judicial Affairs and Community Standards.

Like others before her, Reed is “using her full name and attaching her accusations to her own face and reputation,” and she wants other rape victims to remember that they are not the ones at fault. “You don’t owe the boy who hurt you a single thing,” she said.  “You don’t owe him silence. If you feel you want the world to recognize that what happened to you was wrong, don’t let anyone try to talk you out of standing up and speaking out.”

Readers, what do you think about outing rapists?

Photo by Malia Schilling

Comments

  1. I think the courage to speak out gets muddled a lot by so-called “gray rape” and the passage of time. I’ve been grappling with this issue myself and am not sure it’s worth dredging up, though I don’t know what I will do when I’m around this person again (which will happen, it’s a small town). It disgusts me that he gets away with it and I live in shame and misery while he goes about his day without a care in the world.

    • Sheri Scott says:

      Corey you dredge it up everyday in your mind if you are still living in misery and shame. As a survivor of rape I know what you are feeling and the only way to get past it is to let it go. I don’t know what steps that would represent for you but for me it meant no longer suffering in silence and secrecy. The shame is not yours to bear but his, so place it where it rightfully belongs. Let him be embarrassed and ashamed of his actions, not you!!!!

    • I dont know if you yet feel strong enough to bear the reactions but im thinking t-shirt “I WAS RAPED BY (WHATEVER HIS NAME IS) AND HE SHOULD BE ASHAMED!!!!

    • What on earth do you mean by “gray rape”? That sounds dangerously like the sliding scale of types of rape of the last election season being used to deny various rights to women – and justify all sorts of atrocities (like the various rights of rapists). Could you please clarify the phrase?

      And why should the raped person ever keep silent if they don’t want to do so – whether right then when it’s just recently happened or after whatever passage of time? All their silence does is help the rapist. It’s keeping quiet that helps make their evil possible. Why should we keep quiet and ashamed? They’re the rapists, we’re the ones they raped. There’s no shame in being raped (or at least there shouldn’t be), but there should be a lot of shame in being a rapist.

      • I don’t know what the OP means by “gray rape,” but I could see the phrase applying to a few, LIMITED situations. 1) Sometimes it takes time for a victim to even acknowledge that what happened was rape. Going over the situation in his/her mind, it might be unclear, especially if s/he has trouble remembering the details for any reason. 2) Both parties are equally intoxicated.

        I really want to emphasize the limited part, especially in regards to the second. It’s common for a person to convince a target to drink copious amounts of alcohol while pretending to drink a lot as well, but just drinking a little. So the “equal” part isn’t valid at ALL in most cases of rape when both parties have been drinking. Also, being drunk isn’t an excuse for rape, because I’ve seen that as an argument too.

    • I wish you would. I personally would like to know who the rapists around me are.

  2. I think they should be able to out their rapists. It’s freedom of speech, right? I mean if the victim’s name is going to be dragged in the mud (which usually happens) she should have the right to out them. I’m sure it can be very liberating for the victims and I support their choices to do so (or not!).

    • InotLysdexic says:

      They should NOT be allowed to silence the victims! I was sexually abused by my physician that I’d had since the age of 2. I finally went to the police & agreed to be in a “sting” operation to catch him. My life was no longer worth living, so I was going to take him down with me. I had to go in that office & let him do what he wanted, but not provoke him. I didn’t have to. They got a video of one incident. The newspaper reported it & put their own little spin on it, like I was in agreement with it! They mentioned my name & age. But yet I had a “gag order” on me!!! This too was in Kentucky like Savanah Detrick (?). Thank God the SOB died last year. Many women came forward, but were too afraid to testify. I don’t blame them, I was terrified too. He plea bargained it down WITHOUT ANY INPUT from me!!!! It was a felony, knocked down to a misdemeanor!?!?!? But the news paper also put HIS name, HIS photo & HIS place of business. With all the evidence we had they Kentucky Medical Board DID NOT take his license?!?!?

  3. It’s a terrible dilemma. Silence has been one of the worst burdens carried by the victims of rape and one of the strongest weapons in the hands of rapists. But are we to believe that there has never been a false, possibly malicious, accusation of rape? As a feminist and a woman who carries that small, secret fear that every woman carries, am I automatically to believe that no woman would ever lie about this? Being raped can ruin your life. Being falsely accused of rape can also ruin your life. This is the worst thing about rape – that, absent of physical evidence of force, it will always be he-said, she-said – how do we resolve that? I do tend to believe the accuser but is that right? Am I just brainwashed by the patriarchy or am I being objective? I would like to know what other women feel about this.

    • It is unfortunate that somehow when rape is the topic, not respecting a female victim’s testimony is the typical following thought. Was this ever an epidemic where (scornful) women would willingly and vengefully play victim to tarnish a man’s name? It seems like a suicide mission, if it were any easier for true victims to speak out. It is illogical to me. Does the same thought process occur when the victim is a boy? Are boys just not scornful because they don’t have menstruate.. A woman’s word or complaint is still worth less in people’s minds. The spotlight is more on the victim and I have doubts about whether citizens would really adapt their behavior towards a rapist. It is probably how anyone would react to a bully- not want to get involved or rock the boat. It seems there is not much justice for a rape victim on this earth.

      • It’s not a question of not valuing women’s testimony. It’s about standards of proof. When we lower standards of proof, we don’t get justice for victims. What we get is Salem witch trials.

        • Except that it IS a question of valuing a woman’s testimony. Apply your contention to any other criminal investigation. We convict people based on whether an eye witness spots a familiar face in a line-up. Which is rather flimsy, really, when you sit down to examine the standards of proof that ought to be necessary for convicting someone of a crime. But, for centuries, testimony has been enough. That is, until it is about sex (most often a woman accusing a man of forcing her to have sex). Then you run into all this hemming and hawing about the burden of proof, and people like you employ questionable allusions to the Salem witch trials — ironically appropriating an historically misogynistic episode to illustrate a perceived misandric crusade against supposedly-innocent defendants. But it’s simple, really. If a woman calls a man a rapist and she has no proof, she will be sued and branded as a liar. If a woman calls a man a rapist and there is proof, there’s no issue.

    • This idea that it’s common that “women lie about rape” has been used over & over to PROTECT RAPISTS. Has a woman ever lied? Sure–just lke there are those who lie about a home invasion burglary in order to collect insurance money–yet, we DON’T question the credibility of homeowners who call the police and report their home burglarized!!! But, WOMEN WHO SAY THEY AHVE BEEN RAPED FACE INCREDIBLE SCRUITINY–even when there’s photgraphic evidence (such as Stubenville,OH). The REAL problem is NOT an epidemic of innocent men being falsely accused–but, RAPISTS GETTING AWAY WITH RAPE or when prosecuted having minimal consequences

  4. Sorry – Not sure how to edit my comment. I meant to say that I do tend to believe the accuser and then I wonder if that is right. Then I wonder if my wondering means I am brainwashed by the patriarchy….okay, that is enough circular thinking for anyone!

  5. concernedstudent says:

    rapists should be brought to justice. nothing “murky” about that…

  6. I agree that rape survivors do not owe rapists any sort of protection such as silence. There is no reason a person should be punished for using their rapists name or discussing their situation. By talking about it, we address that these situations are real and give courage to other to speak out. Furthermore, it’s a matter of public safety.

  7. Kelly Moore says:

    This is my daughter, about whom I am most proud. I wish all rape victims would stand up for themselves, refuse to be vilified, make their rapist ashamed, and make the world aware of how often this occurs — not to 350 women in 10,000, but more like 1 in 8.

    • I am very proud of your daughter, and of you for raising a woman who is strong enough to do what she is doing. I lost my virginity to rape and I never reported it. I named my rapist to a few trusted friends and I’m not the only person he’s done this to. But we are all too scared to go forward because it is not the rapist who is innocent until proven guilty–it is the person who was raped who was “asking for it” no matter what.

    • Your daughter is very brave for speaking out. I know how hard that can be; I was a virgin until I was raped. The DA asked my why I went to the home of a felon. I was just DOING MY JOB! I didn’t know he was a felon. The VP of Student Affairs at the community college we went to said he lacks “emotional intellegence”. Ok, really? How much “emotional intellegence” does it take to understand that “no” means “no”? I have cousins who understood that since they were 2. He was 44. I was 22.

  8. I think this person is very brave and she has a great point with posting the names of rapists, but there’s a lot of room for error. What I mean by that is yes, people can post the names of their rapists on there, but angry ex girlfriends or boyfriends can just as easily make up a story and put it on there too. Yes, it would be incredibly messed up, but it does happen.

    • That is not a reason for victims to not out their rapists. That would be like saying to not eat fresh food, as occassionally is rotten. When people lie about rape, they should also be ‘outed’. The truth is always the strongest friend you have.

  9. Margaret Otten says:

    After I was raped in college, I decided to do my psychology senior thesis on unacknowledged victims of sexual assault and revictimization. I wanted to understand better what had happened to me and what has happened to some of my friends. I was required to do a presentation and decided to include the three people’s pictures who had sexually assaulted me in the presentation. I found out that was a “no no.” The guy who I was in the midst of reporting to the school found out. I was called into the professors office and questioned. I think it was in case legal issues came about. I am in full support of out rapist, but I think consulting with attorneys needs to be considered. I wish there was a way to out rapist and other forms of sexual abuse, such as molestation, without having to worry about legal repercussions. A lot of people just accept sexual assault, and they expect victims to accept sexual assault. Even when I go home, I have gone to meet with friends to find out that one of the guys who assaulted me will be there. They all know who has assaulted me. I even have a written apology on facebook from one of the guys who assaulted me. A lot of people just don’t care until it happens to them.

    • CAN SOMEONE PLEASE EXPLAIN what are the “legal issues” to outing the man who raped you??? Unless therapist sues you for slander, what “legal issues” can there possibly be for a woman to exercise HER rights to free speech?!

  10. Every rapist should be outed. Silence was one of the weapons used by the Roman Catholic Church to keep its predators playing their games. Publicity is absolutely necessary to change rape culture into a culture where women, children and other vulnerable people are safe.

  11. Rockerbabe says:

    Women who are sexually assaulted on campus, need to contact the community police, NOT the campus police. To protect yourself and to legally press charges, a “real” police officer and a real police report need to be made. As for “outing” a rapist, well, start with the police and the court system and forget the campus authorities, they could care less about women and their needs.

  12. I’m not sure what I think about it. On the one hand, there is much intimidation directed at rape victims. Speaking up can be empowering and can help protect others from being raped. On the other hand, it would be damaging to one who was falsely accused of rape. There’s also the possibility that people would take matters into their own hands and direct violence at those who had been accused of rape. Perhaps it comes down to the situation in question. There really are no easy answers here.

  13. They need to be outed. If people continue to cover and make excuses for these people, then it will remain socially acceptable, and the back lash will continue.

  14. I think these young women should be applauded, for their courage and bravery in standing up for themselves.. The only shame in rape is on the person who had the gall to invade someone else’s body. Yes, invade. To go into with hostile intent. All rapists should be outed, shamed and publicly declared. If they do not want the shame of this, they shouldn’t commit the atrocious act to begin with. On a side note, please don’t forget that men can also be victims of rape. Men can be made to feel even more powerless in this arena, purely because of their gender and the perceived notions this creates.

  15. Some very good points in this post. I agree that victims don’t owe rapists anything whatsoever, and something begins to sound a bit off when you read that victims are being told to keep quiet and basically told not to disturb the peace (and threatened with jail time. Seriously?) I can understand there might be some ethical ambiguity to the situation, but if legal and academic institutions/social systems are going so far as to do a better job protecting the perpetrator than the victim then something is very wrong.

    • RAPE VICTIMS THREATENED WITH JAIL TIME FOR OUT-ING THEIR RAPIST???? Again, is there someone who can address the “legal issues” that would make this possible? I can’t see how this can be.

  16. What an amazing blog, Malia! It was very informative, along with just plain shocking. I can’t believe that after these women endure one of the greatest humiliations of their lives, that there are laws that “legally” intimidate and coerce them to stay silent. I can’t say it a better way, but that’s some outright BULLSHIT. I think this blog really opens up a space in which we can talk about changing these laws and codes of conduct. I am completely in favor of registering individuals with rape accusations. And I also forward my admiration to all of the lovely women that defied fear and shame and outed these digusting fellows. Thank you for warning me… and everyone else. Mad love and respect for you, don’t let anyone silence you… not even the law.

  17. If there is evidence for crime ( rape) I do not see a single reason not to speak up. I do not understand how managers or others judge this kind of cases. I also do not understand why the victim should keep the name of the rapist as a secret. In my opinion (if there is clear evidence for the rape) as mentioned in the text the raper must be obliged to wear a shirt written ” Rapist” on it and do social services for at least 1 year long in that clothing so that he can be exposed to public and understand that there will be consequences of his act.

    I also think that those who do not know or understand (emphaty) how bad it would feel and how psychologically you can be effected seminars would be organized since the number of rapes is at a level that can not be overlooked.

    I have heard about this kind of stories before reported by the media and how the women were put under pressure not to speak up… This is not justice and I suggest everyone to stand-up for themselves. This is not something you can keep for yourself you have to speak up.

    Be strong!

    • But there’s often NOT “clear evidence.” That’s why so many rapists get away with it. I ain’t with all the stipulations you’re giving.

  18. Jana Pickette says:

    I was often surprised by the level and amount of hate speech that is protected under the US law as freedom of speech. I find it interesting that women should be banned from speaking about a traumatising experience, even if they do not identify their rapist. I think this example reveals a double standard. Why would a woman not be allowed to repeat allegation in a variety of forums that she already brought forward in court, which is after all a public forum? Demonstrators can call politicians murderers and accuse cooperations of crimes, but all hell breaks lose when a woman stands up to her rapist. I would want to know if I was going to school with a rapist. Even if the female’s credibility is called into question (I mean, did that ever not happen?), I would like to chance to make up my own mind, and not have patriarchy again define what voices I am even allowed to hear.

    • When I was raped by a well-known musician in my neighborhood and decided I would (confidentially) tell other women who knew him–& encourage them to warn othe women–all hell broke lose. I was talked by the rapists’ friends who threatened me with violende (even thogh I didn’t go to police). My reputation was attacked relentlessly. Not only called a liar but “a racist white bitch” (he was African-American). Some mau ask WHY didn’t I go to the polcie? Becasue I am a white woman doing anti-raicsm work & I felt if I accused a Black man of rape it would make it IMPOSSIBLE for me to do that acativism. Given the response in my community —even WITHOUT reporting to police—my instincts were correct. It was incredibly hurtful that even after YEARS of being known for dong anti-raicsm work, that it was so eaasy for people to dismiss my accusations as racism while never considering that this man could be a rapist.

  19. Technically, Gambill’s boyfriend is not “her rapist”. He has not been found to have raped Gambill. For him to be called a rapist is therefore libelous.

    • The dictionary defines a rapist as “one who commits rape.” He’s a rapist, regardless of whether the law was asked to weigh in. Could he bring a libel suit, of course he could, but to say he’s ‘not “her rapist”‘ is flat wrong, irresponsible, and sort of the whole problem with rape culture. Thousands of us are told – by police – it’s ‘he said, she said’ and swept under the rug year after year after year. Being informed about the potential legal consequences of outing a rapist must be a part of the decision to do so but, for some of us, speaking out is the only justice we will ever receive.

      • A rapist is indeed one who commits rape. However, it has not been established that Gambill’s boyfriend raped her. In fact, the only testing of that allegation found it to be without merit.

  20. There should be a site where people can post who raped them so that others can be warned. Look at the US military and how many women are raped. We call their rapist hero’s who then go to college and continue to rape their and in society.
    Fear and shame, the same thing victims go through, should be used to take down rapist.
    http://www.theusmarinesrape.com/FaceBook.html

    • The problem with this idea, though, is that anyone with an internet connection and a grudge against George Sands could list him on a site like that. There’s a a burden of proof when one accuses another of a crime. Lowering this burden of proof allows the institutions with said low burden of proof to be subverted towards settling scores.

  21. Madeline Kidd says:

    I am a victim of rape. My brother when I was 8 and a family friend when I was 14. The family friend groomed me for over 6 months as only a truly dedicated pedophile has the patience for. I thought he loved me … He was 31 I was 15 when he completed the attack. I never said no because I was way too young to understand my body or the rapist who took advantage of me. I am 54 and I have never trusted a man since . The pain from this became real when I was made to understand the various ways men rape. “It does not take a gun to the head for it to be rape”! It happens everyday! I want to post my brothers name for first time ! Hershall Woodrow Morse lives in Beebee Arkansas raped me and was never held accountable.

    • Bless you, Madeline, for your bravery. I hope by putting your rapist’s name down, it has helped you to begin to heal. Family members who pray on relatives are especially heinous to me, because they operate with such impunity, within an atmosphere of trust. Possibly if you had spoken up back then, you would not have been believed, that is what I hear from women who have been raped, molested and abused by family members. I believe you, and I believe too, that you can heal….it is never too late….and you deserve peace and you deserve happiness..

  22. I have no problem so long as that person has been convicted in a court of law. And now someone will spew statistics about the number of rapists actually convicted. However, what if the person was innocent or acquitted? Then you are slandering them in a sense and that’s dangerous. Criminal convictions are public records so once convicted, have a field day. However, regardless of the statistics of actual rapists who go free/uncharged/unconvicted, i think it’s legally very dangerous to use a term like that and/or disseminate that type of information if dont have the courts and a jury to back it up.

    • Police and district attorneys routinely under-prosecute rape complaints due to a lack of overwhelming evidence — unless a case is a “slam-dunk,” it’s a waste of the state’s resources. So telling women who indeed have been raped that they cannot talk about it until they have successfully prosecuted their rapist is effectively silencing the majority of rape victims, forever. In this instance, enough evidence exists to protect the victim from “libel” and “slander” charges because the idiot rapist confessed multiple times to the attack. If a woman is willing to risk paying compensatory damages up the whazoo in order to protect other women and identify a predator, maybe we should all just take her seriously. We don’t instantly sympathize with someone when they’re accused of murder — why is there such a rush to sympathize with someone when he (or she) is accused of sexually assaulting someone? Especially when false rape reports are no more common than any other crime? It’s 21st-century witch-hunting, plain and simple.

    • This is an uneducated reply and from someone who hasn’t a clue. before having an opinion please look at stats and talk to victims. there is no recourse to justice!

    • So if the man who raped you is neve charged becuase the DA says it’s a “weak case” (you knew the attacker, alcohol was involved ect) then THE WOMAN SHOULD JUST KEEP SILENT???? Given how FEW rapists get charged much less convicted, the idea tha ONLY those convicted in a court of law should be out-ted only seves to continue to PROTECT RAPISTS. Othe women also need to know WHO these men are so they can try to protect themselves by NOT being in any vulnerable situations with a man who rapes women.
      There was a situation in my city in the late 1990s in a progressive circle of activists. A man was raping women in that organzaiton but NO ONE KNEW until one woman shared what he;d recently done to ehr with another woman in the group. Turned out the guy had ALSO raped her the year before. They talked to other women in the group. Turns out over a period of 2 years, he had raped EIGHT women. But, since the woman kept silent, no one knew and he kept raping.

  23. Look, if the KKK (a known terrorist group responsible for the murders of thousands in this country) can march based on Freedom of Speech, than these womben damn sure have the right to be able to speak the name of their rapists. They have that right and I believe there are being dutiful (as dutiful as they can be in this tough situation) by warning other womben. If you raped once, you’ll probably do it again.

    Since our court systems are so damn lenient on these monsters, its up to us to punish them.

  24. Susanna I Astarte says:

    If Gambil SAYS he raped her- then yes- she can say he is her rapist- her experience and her words.
    Also- 8% of violent crimes reported are false claims- that includes rape. So that means that 92% of the time the survivor is telling the truth. Think about THAT.

    • No, not her words only. Malia Shilling’s words. Caitlin McCabe’s words. Journalists and blogger’s and twitterers across the internet’s words.

      Anyhow, even Gambill herself publicising false allegations is libelous. The only thing that has been established in her case is that he didn’t rape her. Granted, it’s a Mickey Mouse court that established this, but her boyfriend is currently innocent. He remains so until proven guilty of a crime.

      By the way, 87% of statistics are spurious.

    • Thinking Liberal says:

      If a drug kills 8% of people taking it, it would be pulled immediately.

      If 8% of people who work a certain job die or are badly injured, the job is classified as dangerous, and people would be averse to doing it.

      Therefore, if 8% of people named and shamed are innocent, our society cannot condone it. Too many people will have their lives potentially ruined over a false allegation.

      If someone is convicted of rape, their name can be revealed. Until then, our society must value due process and the idea of ‘innocent until proven guilty’.

      YMMV, of course.

      T.L.

    • With rape and domestic violence in particular, that 8% has actually been shown to drop below 1%.

      Source (note that this article is about both domestic violence and rape, and is specifically about the UK and not the US, but I have no reason to believe US rates would be substantially higher than those in the UK):
      http://www.guardian.co.uk/commentisfree/2013/mar/13/false-allegations-rape-domestic-violence-rare

    • Those here saying women should stay silent unless they are the rare ones who get a conviciton of their rapist really do need to consider that 92% of rapes are NOT false.

  25. There was a time back in the 70′s when it was ‘popular’ for a group of support women to go to a public place where their rapist was located. Like his place of employment. They would circle around the fucker and let all hell break loose screaming at him and calling him what he was, a rapist. I wonder if that would work in this day and age? Something EXTREME must happen because this is fucking BULLSHIT! I’m all about vigilante justice until our rape culture changes.

  26. Cat McDowell says:

    My ignorance of the law is at work here; convicted sex offenders have to register as such, right? Doesn’t that include convicted rapists? And if not, it should. To be clear, I am not saying a person shouldn’t out their rapist if there is no conviction. I think it’s a personal choice, with the decision based on many factors. If someone outs a rapist, I’m grateful, and I understand that there may be circumstances that would make a person decide not to. The goal is to stop rape. As far as someone claiming rape falsely, of course it happens. It’s an imperfect world. It’s no reason to protect rapists.

  27. Bloody good on her. Out every single bastard and shame them to hell.

  28. I’m really not educated on the legal nuances of this issue – for example, is there a gag order for the identities of all juvenile offenders, not just rapists (I’m sorry, alleged rapists)? I can maybe see the necessity of gag orders if the policy is consistent. However, where I see the double-standard is that there is no law that protects the identities of victims (the Steubenville trial debacle reminded us of that) so how could a judge protect the identities of offenders without also protecting the victim? I’m just asking for consistency here, setting aside how incredibly unfair it is to ask victims to stay silent like so many others force them to be silent.

  29. Diana Blaine says:

    Proud of you Malia!!! TRUST WOMEN.

  30. Ikabot is a rape apologist because he refuses to recognise the male supremacist legal system was created to maintain males pseudo sex right to females. Until such time as male supremacist legal system is eliminated then outing those male rapists is the only way to challenge males’ pseudo sex right to females.

    There is no justice for female victims of male sexual violence and if the male sexual predator is unfortunate to be charged and prosecuted he is not on trial because the female victim is always the one on trial and presumed to be guilty of ‘falsely charging an innocent male (sexual predator) of committing rape.’

    Males do not want their sexual predatory activity to be made public which is why whenever a brave female survivor of male sexual violence names her male perpetrator(s) this challenges pseudo male sex right to females.

    False accusations of rape do happen but the fact remains thousands and thousands of males continue to subject women and girls to male sexual violence with impunity. Globally there continues to be a pandemic of male sexual violence continuing to be committed against women and girls with impunity. But as usual protecting male pseudo sex right to females is far more important than ensuring real justice is accorded to the thousand and thousands female victims of males enacting their choice and agency by deciding to commit male sexual violence against a female.

  31. If a guy stole my car, I could put a sign up that said “Tom Smith stole my car.” It would be understood that a victim of a crime can name who harmed her even tho no trial has been held. A newspaper reporting the theft of my car may say “the alledged car thief,” but no one cars if a victim makes an accusation.

    It is only when it comes to rape that we’re supposed to protect the criminals. Rapists are afraid of women naming them, and that’s why we are instructed not to. Anyone who understands math can caculate that rapists are EVERYWHERE. They are all afraid we will name them.

    Take the satisfaction and name the rapists. In the limited cases where you are mistaken, don’t worry, I’m sure he will understand, given the world we live in.

  32. Margaret Otten: How horrid it is that people would have the rapist in their home and you’d be coming over. How indifferent, unkind, uncaring. Just mind-boggling.

  33. Lauren Donna Graham says:

    I was drugged and gang raped when I was 20 (1966), in Hollywood. At that time, if I had reported it to the police, there would have been a not entirely unfounded fear of being assaulted, again, by the police (they were hostile to ‘hippies’). Had the crime actually gone to court, the chance of getting a conviction would have been in the single digit percentage range, if at all. It is now nearly 50 years later, and the chances that justice would be served for a rape victim hasn’t improved much. The whole system still seems to be to do anything possible to get the criminal off and discredit the woman in the process.

    This said; I have the utmost admiration for all of these women who have the courage to hold the men responsible for these obscenities accountable, publicly.

  34. Busola Taiwo says:

    When I was in university in my first year, I decided that i wanted to have sex with my boyfriend (now ex-) for the first time. His name is Gbenga Ladipo, and he is Nigerian. He attended the University of Hull, United Kingdom. After a while though, I told him I didn’t want to do it anymore (I didn’t like the pre-sex at all and I didn’t have any reason to believe it would get better) so I told him to stop . He ignored me. I pushed him away a few times but obviously he was much stronger and he just wouldn’t stop. And i remember this was in the late morning and the room was very bright so I remember thinking ” This can’t be rape, rape always happens in a dark room”. And initially, I was very bothered about it and I went on some daft forum and asked whether it was rape or not. A male reader said it wasn’t rape and that he was just being inconsiderate. Every other reply was female, and even they shied away from using the word rape, but said I needed to get away from him without actually answering my question. No one could actually give me a straight answer. I tried telling one friend, but she said “I don’t want to hear what you’re telling me, he’s not that type of guy. ” Ironically, she had claimed to be a victim of sexual assault from one of her uncles. And I had listened to her and believed her when she said her uncle had tried to sexually assault her. So I put it down to bad experience and I never thought of it as rape until quite recently.
    There was a second incident which was easier for me to identify. I was in my room in my second year of uni, and someone knocked on the door and I was actually just about to watch a tv show (I recall it was Desperate housewives) which i was streaming on my computer. So I opened the door and it was one of my ex-bf’s male friend. His name is Oladipo Jinadu, he is also Nigerian and he also attended the University of Hull. And I had turned my back on him because he was a mutual friend and I assumed he just wanted to say hi, but I found myself being forced to my bed and forced to engage in dry sex. When it was over, he left. And I got up, moved over to my laptop and continued watching Desperate Housewives. I have never spoken of the second incident until now, mostly because ;

    1) After my first experience I knew I would never tell anyone of my friends about things like this again.
    2) Some weeks after the second incident, one of my female friends rushed to my door in a panic. She was nearly breathless as she said to me “Do you know that, Dipo ( the guy who sexually assaulted me in 2nd year) is saying that you guys had consensual sex. Is it true? ” She didn’t use the word consensual but it’s pretty obvious that’s what she meant. And I just said “Oh really”, and I went back into my room. I didn’t bother answering her question. I was waist deep in denial and there was no point because at that point no one would have believed me anyway, All he did was get his story round others first so in the event I decided to talk about it, everyone would think I was lying.

    Recently I’ve thought of shaming them one way or another but there is actually no blog for shaming a rapist. There is no platform for naming them, or outing them publicly. This is the only blog I have seen that actually allows people to state the names of their rapists. If you say publicly , this guy is a rapist people turn on you like wolves.

    I said this to two girls one day. “Oladipo Jinadu is a rapist.”
    And their reply was; “You shouldn’t say things like that. That’s not fair! You weren’t even there, you don’t know what happened.”

    I’m at the stage where I can almost laugh at the irony. I was the victim and yet I wasn’t there?!They didn’t even bother to ask HOW I knew.

  35. http://crummymummywhodrinks.blogspot.co.uk/2013/04/no-always-means-no.html

    I just wrote a blog about this – in the UK – naming my rapist as far as I could. I applaud anyone who is able to take a stand as the courts fail us so often. The grey area, is where an innocent is named.. and there have been awful cases where a woman has lied about her rape – just in revenge or some other twisted reason. I know, that these cases are in the minority – and compared with the amount of rapists who get off scot free, this probably feels inconsequential. I am in awe of any woman who stands up for herself and refuses to accept any part of blame in the fact she was raped. Too often women explain away or rationalize what happened – when the fact is – it was RAPE. Non consensual sex. End of.

  36. anonymous says:

    *i think its important to note that this was tucker reed’s boyfriend of two WEEKS, not years

  37. From her own description of what happened, I’m not surprised Tucker Reed hasn’t received the relief she’s requested. In fact, filing a rape charge upon the facts she describes would arguably violate prosecutorial ethics. Clearly, this woman has suffered. Clearly, she does not want to have had sex with this man on that night. But what is not clear is that by making out on the couch, inviting the man into her bed, taking off her clothes, taking off his clothes, continuing to make out, telling him she wanted to wait to have sex, telling him she thought it would be better for their relationship to wait, him pulling her closer, him entering her, her staying with him, her not telling anyone for a year, her becoming engaged to this man…what is not clear based upon those facts is that she a) indicated lack of consent, b) the man should have known she lacked consent, and c) that the man had sex with her despite her objective indication that she lacked consent. There is undoubtedly more to the story. There is a lot to question here. I’m not saying Andy didn’t rape Tucker. But I’m also not saying he did. Basically, I think it’s bad for women and men when we either believe or disbelieve a rape report without questioning any doubts that exist.

    In regard to Tucker’s report, I ask you to look at the actual, legal definition of rape or sexual intercourse without consent. Consent is not a purely subjective concept under the law. There must be an objective indication that the sex lacked consent. Given the facts she described, I would find any objective indication that the sex lacked consent ambiguous at best.

    For one thing, Tucker stayed in a sexual relationship with Andy for 707 days and only went to authorities after he went to a party to pursue his interest in another woman. This raises doubt about her motivation. We only have her side of the story, which includes conversations that she appears to have edited and labeled “confessions” and could reasonably be mere placation. This raises doubt based upon the fact we only have one side of the story, and even that side is demonstrably crafted. She was drunk by her own admission in another blog, which raises doubt about her perception and memory.

    But he “confessed”…
    A) despite my best efforts, I’ve neither found nor heard the complete content of the recordings that Tucker, an interested and, therefore, biased party, labels a “confession” (there is a counseling session recording and a transcript, both edited by Tucker) ; B) we can assume the police and university have listened to that complete content; and, therefore, C) there are two logical conclusions: 1) the university, police, and prosecutors heard this content and found it did not constitute a confession or, on the other hand, 2) the university, police, and prosecutors conspired despite his confession and a complaining victim to allow a rapist to go free. I work in the criminal justice system and find the latter conclusion–as well as the fact most of you ignore the former one–highly suspect.

    As outside observers, we all come to this topic with our own experiences and biases, which tend to predispose us to disbelieve one side or the other. I’m trying not to do that. I’m also trying to point at what I believe is a negative consequence for women in doing that. In the alternative, I suggest withholding judgment prior to listening to the story and questioning wherever doubt appears.

    Rape allegations should be taken seriously. Any knee-jerk response to either believe or disbelieve such an allegation is a failure to respond appropriately to the seriousness of that allegation. Questioning is not the same as disbelief. Questioning is about uncovering the truth. Unquestioning in the case of rape results in one of two things: 1. A woman being raped and then victimized again by the indifference and prejudice of a community; 2. A man being called a rapist and then victimized by the indifference and prejudice of a community. It is not right for a man to be expelled or incarcerated merely because a woman says he raped, much as it is not right for a woman to be disbelieved merely because she has reported she’s been raped. But doubt is always necessary; otherwise we irrationally undo our own aims.

  38. If (rather when) I would love to out my rapist! I can see online he is about to get married. I fear for that woman’s safety in the long run! :(

  39. sparkdog23 says:

    I’m really disturbed by this case:

    1. She attends a party with her boyfriend. He drinks. She really doesn’t.
    2. She takes him back to her apartment.
    3. She starts making out with him.
    4. She takes him back to her bedroom.
    5. They remove their clothing.
    6. They have sex.
    7. She continues dating the guy for 707 days.
    8. Two years later, she retroactively decides she was raped.
    9. The confessions she supposedly has sound coerced/manipulated.

    This series of events does not sound like any sort of rape. She sounds like she gave consent, and that honestly, she was a willing participant in the activity (hell, she initiated most of them from her description). Really, if she did not want to have sex with her boyfriend that evening, why didn’t she go to another room? Make a more forceful refusal? Kick him in the balls? Fight? Most guys would have gotten the message and stopped. Unless she is being held down forcefully, she can do something about it.

    It sounds like she is either trying for some sort of revenge on her ex-boyfriend or some sort of publicity. Fortunately, LAPD and USC see the events this way. Honestly, allowing someone publicity for charges like this demeans REAL victims of rape.

  40. I know of a situation where my Daughter was raped by a guy that was a Pitt University Football player by the name of Corey James. He now works for a major hotel in the Pittsburgh PA area. She waited to long to report him. He taunts her but I want to make sure this guy dose not get away with it. He has done this before and I guarantee he will do it again.

  41. Matilda Flodin says:

    Would we have this conversation about some other crime? I don’t think so. Why should it be wrong to say “This person raped me!” and ok to say “This person stole my wallet” or “This person punched me in the face”?

  42. Yes, out them. It’s a deterrent to rape and it makes it less likely that any other woman will be deceived by one of the wolves in sheeps’ clothing acquaintance rapists.

  43. I would also like shirts that say “I SUPPORT A RAPIST” as I am going through a court trial as we speak involving rape, and the fact that he had 20+ people there crying, wailing and carrying on is astounding to me. It’s all “church people” “good Christians” and they’ve set up a bank account to help pay for his defense. The state would not be going forward with 13 rape counts if they didn’t have evidence to back it up.

  44. Gretchen says:

    I was assaulted by a relative while visiting a island in the Caribbean. It happened a long time ago and I never told anyone. The perpetrator is married with grown children and grandchildren and has now taken to slandering my reputation by telling people that I was his girlfriend.

    Its a small community and the family is well known how do I deal with this?

  45. My daughter was raped at Lynchburg College by Forest Clement and he was just found “not responsible” by the judicial board. He will not be suspended from school. My daughter has withdrawn from college. The audacity of this boy is amazing. He was not only able rape and lie but produce a “witness”, a girl at that, who claims to have watched through a hotel room like peep hole to the entire act. I am literally speechless that the judicial board allowed such a ridiculous testimony. My daughter called the police, drove herself to the hospital and endured the entire forensic rape procedure- she did not choose to do this after having consensual sex.

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