I Want to Have a Child. Trump’s Supreme Court Is Making Me Reconsider.

Trump’s Republican Party is fighting for a national ban on abortion—a ban that could punish you or me for miscarrying. We must keep fighting for our right to be mothers.

Donald Trump speaks at the 47th annual March for Life in Washington, D.C., on Jan. 24, 2020—making him the first U.S. president to address the country’s biggest annual gathering of anti-abortion campaigners in person. (Nicholas Kamm / AFP via Getty Images)

My husband and I talk about our desire to have a kid frequently. Not a week goes by without brainstorming baby names or discussing which school district has the best education.

In between the moments of joy, I’m terrified.

I am one of an estimated 5 to 6 million women in the U.S. with polycystic ovary syndrome (PCOS)—the most common cause of infertility. PCOS is a difficult disease to manage and a direct threat to my chances of bringing life into this world. But my fear isn’t about not being able to get pregnant—it’s about being pregnant in a country without Roe v. Wade.

Women with PCOS are three times as likely to miscarry early on in a pregnancy then other women and face a higher risk of other pregnancy complications, according to the National Institute of Child Health and Human Development.

After the Supreme Court—packed with reactionary, anti-abortion rights justices by Donald Trump—overturned Roe v. Wade, states raced to pass horrific abortion bans, putting women who miscarry in incredible danger. These bans are killing women. These bans are torture.

The Torturous Effects of Abortion Bans

In Texas, Amanda Zurawski, a woman who desperately wanted a child, just like me, almost died … twice. When she miscarried at 18 weeks, doctors were legally unable to give her an abortion. They let her go into sepsis. Due to the damage, she may never be able to have a child.

In Ohio, Brittany Watts was charged with a crime after she miscarried in her own home—as if losing the child she wanted wasn’t enough suffering.

But my fear isn’t about not being able to get pregnant—it’s about being pregnant in a country without Roe v. Wade.

Maybe you’re reading this in California, New York or Washington, D.C., where I live. You might be thinking, my state would never pass those crazy laws or I’m totally safe in my state. You’d be wrong. Anti-abortion groups like SBA Pro-Life America and the Heritage Foundation are calling on lawmakers to pass a federal abortion ban in 2025.

Abortion Bans as a National Threat

Unlike the Supreme Court, I believe every American should have the right to control their own body and access medical care, no matter what state you live in; 125 members of the U.S. House of Representatives don’t agree. That’s why they’re fighting for a national ban on abortion—a ban that could punish you or me for miscarrying.

Even today, without a national abortion ban, I constantly fear I could step into the wrong state at the wrong time. My mother-in-law lives in North Carolina, a state where abortion is outlawed after 12 weeks of pregnancy. My dad spends part of the year in Florida, where the state Supreme Court allowed Governor Ron DeSantis’ six-week abortion ban to take effect. Heaven forbid I travel to one of 14 states where abortion is banned

What if I was visiting them and something went wrong? Would I be charged with a crime? Could I lose my life?

I know other women read these stories and think the same thing. Feel the same fear. Simmer in the same rage.

I’m lucky enough to work for American Bridge 21st Century, where I can channel my fear into keeping rabid anti-abortion rights officials out of office. I lead a team tasked with studying candidates’ abortion policies, statements and financial connections to anti-abortion organizations. When I read my teams’ reports, featuring the stories of Amanda or Brittany, I pause and think—that could be me.

I know other women, those with PCOS and those without an increased risk for miscarriage, read these stories and think the same thing. Feel the same fear. Simmer in the same rage.

I’m terrified of the world the Supreme Court has created by overturning Roe. On a regular basis, we’re seeing the consequences, like Arizona’s terrifying nearly full ban on abortion that was written before women could even vote or the potential danger Trump’s Supreme Court picks could inflict on medication abortion access nationwide.

I’m also terrified of what could happen next. Anti-abortion zealots could make their return to high-ranking positions in the federal government. Anti-abortion advocates are begging lawmakers to use all the levers at their disposal—the EPA, Federal Trade Commission, or even the Postal Service—to ban abortion. They could continue to criminalize women like me, women who desperately want to be mothers, but through no fault of their own, find themselves in danger.

When I finish up work every night, I think about what my life might look like in a year or two. I dream of sitting around the table with my husband and my baby, talking about our days and marveling as our child grows, tries new things and teaches us to be the best version of ourselves. 

The Supreme Court might keep my dream from becoming a reality. So I’ll keep fighting like hell to protect my right, and the right of millions of Americans like me, to be mothers.

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U.S. democracy is at a dangerous inflection point—from the demise of abortion rights, to a lack of pay equity and parental leave, to skyrocketing maternal mortality, and attacks on trans health. Left unchecked, these crises will lead to wider gaps in political participation and representation. For 50 years, Ms. has been forging feminist journalism—reporting, rebelling and truth-telling from the front-lines, championing the Equal Rights Amendment, and centering the stories of those most impacted. With all that’s at stake for equality, we are redoubling our commitment for the next 50 years. In turn, we need your help, Support Ms. today with a donation—any amount that is meaningful to you. For as little as $5 each month, you’ll receive the print magazine along with our e-newsletters, action alerts, and invitations to Ms. Studios events and podcasts. We are grateful for your loyalty and ferocity.


Julie Alderman Boudreau is the presidential research director at American Bridge 21st Century, one of the largest research and tracking operations in politics.