“The message became part of us. Good girls and good women did as they were told and kept quiet about it. … What a setup for abuse.”
The following is an excerpt from Grace Ji-Sun Kim and Susan M. Shaw‘s new book, Surviving God: A New Vision of God Through the Eyes of Sexual Abuse Survivors.
The God of our childhoods was terrifying. Sure, He (and it was always “He”) loved us, but we also knew He could destroy us in a moment if we displeased Him. Poof! Like Lot’s wife, we’d become a pillar of salt. God knew us intimately and had complete control over us. Like an abuser, He asked us to love Him even as he threatened us with the torments of hell if we didn’t.
We were told not to question Him; we were to submit and obey. Our metaphors—Father, Master, Lord and King—reinforced this, and we were to submit and obey in the same way to the men who stood in God’s place for us—fathers, pastors, husbands, teachers, leaders. The very words we used to describe God—almighty, powerful, all-knowing, majestic, righteous—instilled fear in us as they underlined the sense that God could do to us whatever He wanted at any time, for any reason. And we were to thank Him for it.
Like an abuser, He asked us to love Him even as he threatened us with the torments of hell if we didn’t.
Week after week we heard the stories—Miriam stricken with leprosy, Sapphira falling down dead at Peter’s feet.
We memorized the Bible verses:
“Behold, I set before you this day a blessing and a curse. A blessing, if ye obey the commandments of the Lord your God, which I command you this day. And a curse, if ye will not obey the commandments of the Lord your God.”
“Wives, submit yourselves to your husbands, as unto the Lord.”
“Obey them that have the rule over you, and submit yourselves.”
We even sang it: “Perfect submission, perfect delight”; “I surrender all”; “Trust and obey”; “Have thine own way, Lord, have thine own way. Hold o’er my being absolute sway.”
Everywhere we turned we were told to submit and obey—God, fathers, pastors. The message became part of us. Good girls and good women did as they were told and kept quiet about it.
What a setup for abuse.
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