Sorry, Man, You’re Too Short (Am I A Bad Feminist?)

“He’s a nice guy. But he’s, like, two inches shorter than me.”

Heard that before, either from a friend or your own mouth? I am a feminist, but as a heterosexual woman I prefer to date guys who are taller than me. I’m not the only one. I’ve automatically dismissed many a potential date because he was shorter than me. Various studies say women in general prefer tall guys, and attribute it to evolutionary preference for big, healthy, protective mates.

It’s a dilemma. I don’t believe in any of that patriarchal “he-man” protector crap. I’m an independent woman and I support myself. I certainly don’t need some six-foot muscular hunk to protect me from bears.

A big part of my height preference is, of course, what I’ve unconsciously absorbed from society. I grew up with the standard Disney princess model of relationships. Disney princesses do not marry the short guy. Hetero couples where the man is shorter often get mocked. I’m ashamed that the thought “If I marry a short guy, I can’t wear heels on my wedding day” has actually gone through my mind. I don’t even plan on getting married.

Part of it is that I’m a tall, broad-shouldered person. Standing at 5’7 in my socks, I am a fearsome sight to behold when I wear heels. I’m a few inches above average for the American woman, but I’m not even that tall.

Feministing’s Ann Friedman wrote an excellent post last August about being a tall woman in the dating scene. Friedman, who’s over six feet, wrote:

I think it’s inseparable from the narrative about how tall women are constantly made to feel insecure about their femininity (and short men made to feel insecure about their masculinity). I have heard many a tall ladyfriend say that she doesn’t like feeling “big” around a man she’s dating.

I get hit on plenty by shorter guys, so I never thought about whether men are intimidated by my size. But maybe my issue with shorter guys is that I’ve internalized the idea that I am threatening. Friedman said:

Women who are tall enough to look men square in the eye (or look down on them) are gender transgressors by their very stature. Here’s a fact that tall women learn very early in life: Men don’t like being looked down on by a woman. This reaction–men feeling threatened by my height–seems rooted in the fact that I do not fit neatly into what they think of as “woman.”

I see what she means, especially when I read Yahoo! Answer comments like:

I prefer petite woman [sic] to tall ones. My dad was 5’6″ and remarried to a 6’1″ tower of horror.

I’ve only recently started to ease my romantic height requirement. The last few guys I’ve dated have actually been a tad shorter than me. I’m not being any more progressive, though. I still try to correct for the difference by wearing flats and slouching. I was actually a little pleased with this Jezebel post on “meels”, heels for men. I don’t think any of the guys in my Montana hometown are going to start wearing stilettos, but maybe this trend will trickle down until mens’ shoes in the mall will have a little extra lift, which would solve a lot of my problems.

But at what point do we draw the line between our political/social views and what we prefer sexually? Lesbian separatist feminists, like ’70s DC collective The Furies, used to argue that just being heterosexual was perpetuating the patriarchy.

And I haven’t even gotten into gay and lesbian height preferences. I only have conflicting anecdotal evidence for that–I know some gay people who prefer tall partners and some gay people who just don’t care.

I also want to make clear that no matter a man’s height, it’s still most important to me that he be smart, progressive and interesting. As they say, the brain is the biggest sex organ.

What say you, dear readers? Do you have a height requirement? And do you feel bad about it?

Image from CC BY 2.0


  1. But at what point do we draw the line between our political/social views and what we prefer sexually?

    I think this is something big feminism has to tackle. It’s really easy to critique the media and society’s messages in general, but those messages get ingrained in us (just as you have said the Disney narrative has infiltrated your consciousness). So if men get turned on by the objectification of women, that is certainly problematic, sure. How, then, do you tell men to be turned on by something else, then?

    And if you tell men to do that, should you also try to retrain yourself to find both tall and short men to be attractive?

    We don’t live in a cultural vacuum. The cultures we are exposed to growing up shape who we are. Sometimes we have to take a stand and say “No, I reject this culture, I reject this part of me even, and I am reshaping myself to stand against this culture.” And sometimes we have to just shrug our shoulders and say “I realize this tendency or preference is theoretically troubling from a strictly egalitarian perspective. It’s still part of who I am, and I don’t think I’m going to change it.”

  2. I’m 5’9″, and I don’t think any woman should ever feel bad about not being attracted to shorter guys. Or fatter guys. Or bald guys. Or guys with high voices. Or even guys of different ethnic backgrounds. Attraction is not something we can entirely control. It would be great if we were all drawn to the people who are best for us regardless of their physical characteristics, but most of us aren’t, so we eliminate some of the best candidates on the basis of looks and probably end up with a less appropriate life-partner than we otherwise would as a result. It’s a shame, but c’est la vie.

  3. I didn’t have a conscious preference, but I did end up with a man who is 6’3″ (I’m 5’6″). He is also the only one in the relationship with long hair and in many ways does not fit into the tiny box our culture has created to define masculinity, just as I don’t fit into the tiny box that we use to define femininity.
    I think it is good to be conscious of why we may be disqualifying a potential mate, but the previous commenter raises an excellent point about trying to change one’s sexual preference for certain characteristics. If you genuinely aren’t physically attracted to short men then deciding you will give them a shot may be easier said than done.

  4. My very nice feminist boyfriend is 5’3″ and I am a couple inches shorter. The less nice gentleman I dated before him was 5’11”. Height is good but of course the personality attached to the frame is key

  5. Natalie Rose says:

    As I’m on the taller side for females (I’m 5’11”), I always loved being near a man that was taller than me, but never held up height as a necessity. I just knew it was unlikely for me to find someone who I really liked AND was taller than me, so I shed the latter preference. But, as a tall broad (pun intended), I always think twice before wearing heels and usually elect not to wear them, even though I love to. I’ve had more than one female friend tell me how “tall and menacing” I am in heels. Once, a college housemate told me that “tall girls shouldn’t wear heels.” (As she was well-endowed, I responded by telling her “girls with big breasts shouldn’t wear push up bras.”)

    These days I date mostly women, but that hasn’t alleviated the height problem. I identify as “genderqueer” and as such can present as feminine, masculine or androgynous depending on the day. But I always feel like I *should* be presenting as more andro or masculine when I’m with a girl who’s shorter than me, which is often. No matter who I’m dating, I always feel like it’s a contradiction for me to be both feminine and tall.

  6. As a short female standing at 5’3″, I’ve never had to deal with the issue of dating a shorter man because most men are taller than me!

    While I’m a feminist, I unfortunately also feel that it would be awkward for me to date a man who’s shorter than me. It’s the unspoken rule that society has taught women.

    Short men have to make up for their height with an amazing personality, but I think even then, I would be biased. Sad but honest.

  7. Mermaid says:

    I think a person’s build/weight is part of it, too.

    I’m a woman, about 5’4″, with a broad and muscular build. Shorter men (and men my height) have rarely shown interest in me. Some have, but they usually resign themselves submissive to me.
    However, men even slightly taller than me, and especially bigger builds, are much more likely to show attraction towards me.

    It’s weird; I’ve been attracted to guys shorter than me, but they seem insecure about my height and my build. Guys have told me, “I don’t want a girl who could beat me up.” I would never hurt anyone.

    For the record, I’ve been dating a guy for 6 years who is 6’2″ and very skinny.

  8. Benjamin says:

    This relates to a similar issue that I have thought about lately with dating: I’m not attracted to women with blonde hair. I think it’s because I have been socialized to associate blondes with beauty norms and with “ditziness”. Since I like a smart woman with an alternative look, I rarely give attention to blondes. I realize that this is totally unfair and based on cultural stereotypes, but I still find myself only attracted to girls with dark hair. It’s frustrating because I often get mad when I hear another white guy say “I’m just not attracted to black women.” But is it fair for me to get mad at them when I myself am not attracted to blonde girls just because of cultural stereotypes?

  9. Thanks for writing about this – my sister and I were talking about this just the other day. I think this is largely a case of personal preference being influenced by societal norms. Women have been socialized from a young age to go for the guy who’s “tall, dark, and handsome” – the Prince Charming. And because men are so pressured to exhibit masculinity and dominance, I’ve had a couple instances where boyfriends who were the same height or shorter (I’m 5’7″) were uncomfortable with my height in public. One ex actually asked me to crouch slightly when we were out dancing and I was wearing heels!

    I don’t care about dating someone who’s taller than me. But I’ve been dating again recently and had friends bring it up. I had my roommates grimace when I told them a guy’s height (5’6″ – nothing to sneeze at) and other friends say they’d never date someone shorter than them.

    So anyway, maybe attraction is kind of relative. Sure, some people will go for tall people and some won’t. But individual preference is affected by the lessons girls and boys learn about dominance and submission and that’s where it gets to be a problem.

  10. Oh yes, thanks for writing about this!!! I’m 5’9 and with hips boobs and bum- I will never be a small girl. I actually really love my body until I see myself next to other men and women and feel big. Why is “big” such a bad option for women?

    The height of men I date is unfortunately definitely an issue for me, though I really wish it weren’t. I love love love heels but rarely wear them as I know it means I’m going to be huge. Often I wish I’d been born 5 feet tall.

    It’s interesting as well because depending on the country I’ve lived in, I either get loads of men of all sizes hit on me (eg countries in South America), or very very few options (UK, where my guy friends, even the ones over 6 feet, freely admit they are attracted to women who are small).

    Yet my shorter female friends seem to envy my height and encourage me to wear the massive heels I love.

  11. I’m guilty!! I had a whole host of requirements for my dates when I was single and I’m sure I missed out on some cool conversations. I often think about how all of the elements of my social location have affected who I have let into my life, but decided not to beat myself up on it now. Easy to say when you’re happily attached… Great post!

  12. zappafrank says:

    I’m a male who is just at 5 ft tall b/c of having short people for family and being born premature. I’m college-educated, have a Master’s degree, is well-liked and is witty, generous, and kind-hearted…and I’ve all but given up on the prospect of ever being in a relationship for the simple fact that no one will ever find me attractive based on my height.

    People cry foul when weight is used as a disqualifier (“Can’t you see the inner beauty? How shallow are you?!”), but when height is used the same way, it’s excused as “personal preference.”

    If you think short guys often have a “complex,” there’s a very good reason why.

    • Priyadarshan says:

      Don’t give up on it man. I know where you’re talking from. I especially mind the fact that women can publicly and even on stage state that they only date taller men, but males cannot make any sort of statement even closely related. That’s life brah. You gotta beat it down into submission, be successful enough so that people notice you for things other than your height. I guess that’s how Napoleon syndrome is born, but if a syndrome makes me successful, I’m all for that syndrome.

    • I definitely feel you on this one. I am 5’1 (maybe 5’2) and have tried to have a relationship my whole life. I’ve fortunate to say that I’ve been in one that lasted for 2 years. But oh is it a living hell. When you are as short as I am and yourself females don’t even write or show interest. I know how it is trust me. I hate hearing men who are 5’6 and up complain about not having enough options when at least they have options. When you are under 5’3 you literally have no options and the options you do have are sluts and whores for the most part. All i can say to you is be strong and just strive for success. Hopefully one day you and I will be with a woman who appreciates us.

  13. Dear Ms. Whittle,

    In reference to your question: I am a reader and I feel bad about the notion of a “height requirement.”

    I’m a good-looking, healthy, strong male. I’m also 5′ 5″ tall. I have been told that I am also “smart, progressive and interesting.” I also believe in the power of sapiointelligence and yes, that the brain is the sexiest organ in the human body and — despite being a short guy — I’ve been told that I’m good in bed. So… good for me. Why this comment?

    What raised my eyebrows was the notion that you would prefer to let lie the sleeping dogs of your prehistoric height=protection training. Given your acknowledgment that you don’t need protection, that you’re independent and there are no bears stalking you, why let that the height prejudice off the hook?

    I’m a progressive man and a feminist. Progressive men have been fighting prehistoric training regarding women’s physical characteristics for decades. Your “confession” of a hankering for guys bigger than you is no different from me narrowing my community by yielding to the notion that a man a straight waist or “fat” ankles might not be someone I’d ant to spend time with.

    Given the depth of the struggle that progressive, feminist men wage against their 30,000 years of bad training, why would I yield, for example” to an “instinct” to choose a breeder-aged woman 20 years my junior when I am well into my own male menopause just because — as you imply — I dunno… I just sorta feel like it?

    Should you wear stiletto heels and throw out your back because they’re kinda cool and nasty looking and you don’t like to date short guys anyhow? Wow.

    Perhaps in Montana, short men in combination with tall men attract ridicule. I have lived with eyes and ears wide open in Boston, New York, Los Angeles, San Francisco, and Paris, and I’ve never experienced open ridicule when I’m in the company of taller women.

    Perhaps it’s time for a a change, not a confession.

    • Well said. She confused me the way she began, openly pondering the idea of shorter man, only to end her thoughts with the personal preference thing…um, personal preference is superficial thinking in itself, unless its about your values,.we all need/have a core inside of us.we.can not change, but that’s why our brains have evolved to the current state. Finally we are questioning our judgements, moving forward and more&more, connecting & breeding on a brain level, which is the highest level of love& connection, its called understanding, universal love. The mind is an amazing thing.
      ” I think, therefore I am” ~ Descartes. apply it. You think you need a taller man, then you will get it. You think short guys are not for you, then they’re not, stay away&keep yourself in your tiny mind where its safe. It’s confusing, our senses make us feel a certain way. comfortable or uncomfortable, but as soon as you realize they are.temporary feelings, and that you do have control of them, nothing superficial.will affect you. It’s about what they are.doing with their lives. We must throw out old thinking patterns to.evolve. you.still want to date a brute, great. But a Sharp mind and good career and communication the more important qualities to seek these days.

  14. iamnotwhatiam says:

    This is a last bastion of sexual preference difference between the sexes. Whether it is socialized or innate, women DO prefer tall men. I'm 6'2" and thank my lucky stars for it; the amount of women who have told me that they can't date short guys boggles my mind. These are progressive, intelligent and educated women who demand equality in all other aspects of their lives, but the height difference is a deal-breaker.

    As to whether you are a bad feminist, maybe that's the wrong question. I can't comment on the current state of feminism (my foray in the literature started and ended with Catherine MacKinnon), but perhaps its time to take the next step and realize that there ARE innate differences and sexual preferences between genders (and I would love to see the stats on same-sex preference). Because as the poster above said, a man might be EVERYTHING a woman is looking for, but because of a few inches in height its a deal breaker. Whether it is socialized, or seems socialized because its innate, women won't date guys that are shorter than them.

  15. I'm 5'6", hetero male, and I like my women big 6'0" and above. Blame it on Freud- I don't know. I've just been the short man all my life and so I like chicks when I'm at chin level. My mom was tall, so that could have something to do with it.

  16. I'm a girl of 5'6" and have started dating a guy of about 5'4". Let me tell you it is something that I'm ashamed of, but the height issue IS really killing me. I have the same points of views and opinions as Kate; society and even family ideals have nurtured me to feel this way. I feel as though I am too much woman for this guy, too masculine and he's the one that will be taken care of or protected. However, this guy is perfect, I love all but one thing, his height. It IS a deal breaker. And he says through the years he's learned to be comfortable with taller women, nevertheless, I am not. I do know as well that this is something I need to get over on my own, noone else can help. There is no known procedure or pill to take to cure frivolity and ignorance, or as I prefer to call it, shallowness. But something so simple as walking next to him, giving him a hug or holding his smaller-than-mine hand is extremely uncomfortable for me.

    • I know the feeling! Like you’re too much woman for your man. Then a tall man hugs you and it feels like you could melt in his arms.

      Sigh. It’s not all about being shallow. I definitely date shorter men, but honestly, every once in awhile I love the feeling of feeling petite (I am petite, but I feel like a bear next to my man sometimes)

  17. Yeah it sounds fine.

    You must then also support the notion that all women have to be slim.

  18. Feminism: The doctrine advocating social, political, and all other rights of women equal to those of men.

    And ipso facto, the other way around, by nature of equality.

    You're a lousy feminist.

  19. I'm 5'5, black ,190 lbs, 40 years old, thick and fit with no wrinkles or crows feet. This may sound pathetic but I can count on one hand the number of dates I've been on in my life. Not by my choice though. Never been married either. Futhermore, I've had less sexual experiences than the number of dates and I strongly believe my height has everything to do with it. I'm not arrogant, materialistic or lacking confidence or social skills. Just height. Women tell me I'm articulate, intelligent, funny and good looking. Just too short. As a result, I've stopped wasting my time trying to find love or meaningful relationships with women because I have enough friends in my life. That's right. I get repeatedly pushed into the "friend zone" and I've long stopped offering my shoulder to women with their sob stories about the assholes who treat them like dirt. The best things in life are under my control. Education, fitness, sports, the arts, meditation and prayer are much more important than relationships with women of any kind.

    • "As a result, I've stopped wasting my time trying to find love or meaningful relationships with women"

      That's horrible Otis. Maybe you could try going for men? I mean, seeing as women all over the world would probably cry in unison that you've given on them I don't know if it would be the responsible thing to do but in any case I'm sure many women will thank you and give you the figurative sigh of relief for you're courageous – yet very hard for you no doubts – decision.

      • Julie, I don't know why you would be so cruel. In my opinion, Otis is just stating the truth of his experience.

      • Hey Julie, thanx for the response.

        First of all, I’m not gay. Furthest thing from it. I do have friends and acquaintances who are gay though. If you’re being honest with your advice by suggesting I go for guys, you can start by taking your Capital “B” hat off and kill the bad joke. You’re not helping. In fact, you’re disrespecting homosexual guys with this nonsense response. Do you act your age or your shoe size?

        I’m speaking from experience but I have wised up over the past couple of years. What I’ve learned is that height is predominantly a North American fixation centered on Hollywood ideology. American and Canadian girls are obsessed with tall men and all the false, pretentious, BS that goes with being tall. Women in other parts of the world aren’t as ignorant and shallow when it comes to a man’s height, except in Britain. Even still, people in the UK aren’t as height fixated as the people on this continent. I’ve been lucky to meet some genuinely good people, short and tall, men and women. They appreciated me for my personality and how I made them feel as a person, not how tall I stand and what purpose my height serves for them.

        So you can save your apologies for someone you have truly wronged. There’s no need for you to speak on behalf of the female race either, because you couldn’t anyway. Not all women share the same brain or train of thought as you which I’m very grateful for. I just hope that European women don’t get poisoned or brainwashed by the superficialities of their North American sisters. Right now it doesn’t look that way.

  20. Interesting. I'm a 26 year old woman who happens to be 6'3". I'm the only one in my family who is tall and my teen years were mostly hell with me feeling an outcast and sorry for myself. Around 20 I started to realize that height didn't mean a lot and have been happy since.

    If I were to restrict my dating to guys who are taller than me I would have a difficult time finding anyone with other characteristics like personality that are much more important to me. I find some of the really tall guys just figure that I will go with them.

  21. unbelievable says:

    I'm glad you can admit to being judgmental. I hope your children are short and you can explain this to them 15 years from now.

  22. I'm yet another short guy here to give an opinion. Of course I prefer ladies be attracted to me but if a woman is not attracted to me, then she's not attracted to me. Thats ok I try to keep myself moving until I find a lady who is. Although a lot of women will befriend you when your a short guy. Then whine endlessly how guys don't love their minds because their body isn't perfect and oh…evil men are so shallow. When they wouldn't consider dating me because of my height. So as long as their is no double standard I'm cool with it. Also occassionally women will be quite mean. Probably not as often as men are to unattractive women. Stuff along the lines of "no fat chicks". If she's unattractive, don't try to sleep with her sure, but it in no way justifies being cruel.

  23. Recently a friend of mine who is Asian descent adopted by an American family at one tried to his luck on, he is five foot seven, very cut and is one of my best looking male friends. But being Asian and smaller than average in height and makes under one hundred thousand dollars a year, he got very few responses on his first foray. I suggested that he uses a picture of himself topless, he said…”

    I don’t want to go that route.” I said that he had to play his ace card in his hand, his race and height and income in this situation was deflating his odds and he needed to increase his odds. I was single for a long time and am the same height and made a significantly lesser amount of money than my friend, and my body is not quite as appealing, but I always used the advantages of being an Asian male…(Looking significantly younger than average) to leverage the assets I had into a fairly successful dating life. But to actually hang on to a woman was a different story…

  24. Nice post. I’m a short guy at 5ft6 and have always been interested at what influences sexual attraction. Primarily because I have never found women of African origin sexually attractive, unless they’re mixed race (like Paula Patton, whom I love!). I actually used to think I was racist for a long time.

    Prior to leaving for university I had no idea I was short due to lack of exposure to women (single sex school). I was athletic and in all the sports teams. I got to uni and the first time a girl ever liked me and I liked her she said I was too short. From then on it’s become an issue that I see everywhere.

    In the past I made a ton of female friends whom I liked but didn’t like me primarily due to my height. But a couple years back I decided to just exit the dating market and not bother trying anymore as it was getting me extremely depressed. Initially I was angry at women but then realised it’s the same issue I have with not finding women of african origin attractive, so I couldn’t be mad.

    I now get whatever sex life I have by visiting escorts and am now a lot happier since I’m not chasing something that’s leading to so much rejection. But even escorts always quickly kick off their heels when they see me!

    Since I started working out around 5 years ago I’ve always found strength quite attractive in women. And I love strong and athletic women like Aneta Florczyk (World’s strongest woman, very pretty face). I’ve been told, by women, that it’s because of my small stature. Men figure it’s down to my interest in training myself. I’m a bias observer of course but I find that very telling.

    But we’re all subject to the influences of society. Men are just as objectified as women but the objectification is height. But the more interest question is to the extent which we are. I personally feel that sexual attractiveness is a very primal and Darwinian, rather than societal. Sexual selection is why hominid males have enormous penises in comparison to other apes and it’s the reason why females have enormous breasts compared to other hominids. IT’s completely natural and I don’t think it needs changing.

    And I also feel liking someone because of their personality is equally as shallow as liking someone because of how they look. Both are largely outside the individuals control and due to genes expressed in an environment that an individual has little control over.

    • That’s ridiculous, I have a friend who is 5’6″ and be gets more women than Casanova… Everyone thinks he is hot because he works out and is in good shape. Maybe you need to move to my town?

  25. Ms Average says:

    ‘Preference’ is usually the mask used to hide ‘prejudice’ – whether it’s height, ethnicity, weight, etc. I think we have to make the conscious decision to unlearn what we’ve internalised. I haven’t completely, but I make the effort to. We freely critically examine male preferences, yet rarely use the same standards to examine our own, which i think is counter-productive for the movement. We can’t continue to base what we find attractive on ‘natural selection’ (particularly as we are no longer evolving the same way as our ape ancestors) when we have the ability for complex thought to choose otherwise. Many in the evolutionary biology field suggest that our evolution is being driven by us as much as by our environment (the most powerful environmental force at this point of human history is actually culture). In other words, if we hope to change the way society operates now and in the future, then we must make the decision to be part of that process, rather than – in this case – perpetuate prejudicial standards of beauty for both women and men.

  26. I realise the title was supposed to be tongue-in-cheek, but no: I do not believe someone is a bad feminist because they have healthy preferences for mates. Part of feminism is precisely the emancipation of women, to distance ourselves of traditional roles and go beyond the whole patriarchal society stuff and to say that, yes, women are visual creatures. Yes, women are sexual creatures and they are turned on by certain men or certain type of men (if we’re talking in heterosexual relations, I’m not saying it’s the only kind of relationships) and not others and that they are not to be ashamed: they should not be shamed for these preferences and if a guy does not fit these preferences and has an issue with this, it is HIS issues, not the women’s and his alone to deal with. And that wadayouknowit? women appreciate good looking men. I think that to deny that women are visual creatures (as was the case for a long time) is to deny women’s sexuality.

    I’m personally attracted to gorgeous blue-eyes in the 6’2″-6’4″ range, last bf was sooo gorgeous.

    • Ras Trent says:

      Sure. But don’t call guys shallow, if they’re only into big-titted girls with hour-glass figures.

    • Epicurean says:

      So I’m sure you’re fine with men turning down fat women, or women who don’t fit the stereotypical ideas of what an attractive woman is? Yes?

      I’m sure you’re fully behind that, as a feminist. After all, it’s using the exact same logic that you are.

      • A women can change her weight but a man can’t change his height? Not through any conventional means any way. No its not the same exact logic because one is a choice of lifestyle in most cases but the other is due to genetics. If your parents were 5’6, you’re not going to become 6’0. Come on what kind of logic is that. Not that I endorse any form of prejudice no but lets face it, we are all susceptible to prejudice. It should however not mean that we should condone to such matter. For people saying oh that’s just how I was raised, “its normal”. This may have been in the past where the male was bigger and thus used to protect the female from other threats but it does not play a part in today’s society where we have laws and what not. The male-taller norm is also part of the patriarchy …

    • Priyadarshan says:

      Yep. That’s right. Women are perfect liberty to be attracted only to tall men and have no qualms to say this in public. And men are at perfect liberty to reject fat or facially unattractive women and say so without any fear of backlash from media/society/girl in question.

      I like the way you think girl.

  27. I’ve been obese in the past, but am not now. I can tell you that when I was fat, men still hit on me quite often. The idea that women have to be thin is just BS. There are men out there who like the larger ladies.

    As for height, I’m tall too. I have dated men that I really, really liked that were shorter than me. Unfortunately, I couldn’t get anywhere sexually with them. It was what it was, and I don’t think I can fix that. If you’re shorter than me, it’s not happening.

    People like what they like. I don’t see any point in dwelling on what I or anyone else likes sexually.

    I have had women act frightened of me when I’m wearing heels that make me 6′ tall (I’m 5’8″). I find it kind of bizarre.

  28. Old Coach says:

    Yes, you would be a BAD feminist for refusing the friendship and companionship of a shorter man (assuming you have not reconsidered). Ditto for those feminists who refuse the same from men who earn less money than they do. How ironic it is for some (not all) feminists who say men objectify them and do not treat them as equals while denying the same respect to certain men. It’s worse then irony, it is down right hypocrisy of the worse kind.

    In my experience as a short man who earned less money than I deserved, I found that non-feminist women were less judgmental about a man’s height or earnings than were feminists. Other men have made the same complaint. When challenged to answer why some feminists are that way, they go silent and remain unapologetic.

    You end your essay on a positive note by asserting, “I also want to make clear that no matter a man’s height, it’s still most important to me that he be smart, progressive and interesting. As they say, the brain is the biggest sex organ.” I commend you for those words. Hopefully, some day ALL of us will learn to appreciate people for what is in their hearts, not for their exterior appearances.

    • What the author means is that, “No matter a man’s height, It’s still most important to me that he be smart, progressive blah blah blah .. as long as he is taller than I”
      Also, to putting the blame on men not wanting to date taller women so they can wash their hands off the prejudice is ridiculous. From a man’s perspective, its better to get laid (be it a short or an Amazonian woman) than not get laid at all !

  29. Whatever, I’m short and there is nothing I can do about it. Obviously there are more problems than size but a lot of people just don’t care and focus their attention on looks.
    It’s not up to me to say what you should think about and find important, but remember there are more things and more deeper meaning than turning down guys because they are short. Nevermind, I’ll find someone that is nice and deep as me. Probably not going to be any girl that writes shit like this on the internet. Peace and happiness to all.

  30. Sorry but this is the reason men don’t listen to feminist. Excuse yourself but blame males for sexist preferences. No you do not get away with that, so sorry I am not listening to anything else you say.

  31. I am only 5-6/7 in height. people judge me and think i have a napeolan complex. I LOVE tall women obsese women. god bless and peace

  32. Jombi Labman says:

    I’ve had much more success in getting dates with taller women (over 5’7″) than those who are, by comparison, short, let’s say under 5’2 (I’m 5’6″). My theory runs that short women don’t have to give up their ideal height in a man because of the natural distribution of relative height (ball part figures are that most or a plurality of men are in the 5’8″- 6′ range, where most or a plurality of women are 5’2″ – 5’6″. Taller women still have a large selection, but the number drops dramatically for each inch a woman grows over 5’8″. Given that females tend to stray less from the norms than men, most women could find a taller man, in theory. Reality, however, shows us a world where short and quite short women seem to greedily snatch up the 6’+ men, so these women either change the image in their head, or play the waiting game. My theory conforms to my experiences, but is not complete.

    Have you ever noticed the number of women who chuck all those ideas when a really wealthy man is involved? Most people I’ve talked to think a man of 50, my age, should not be dating a woman of 30 on general principle, let alone a hot 20 year old. Personally, I find young women attractive, but have no desire to become involved with one anymore. Still, you see so many women date “down” when the man is rich or powerful. How many movies or TV shows do you see a short and/or old guy accompanied by a tall, young bombshell or two. That’s visual shorthand for him being rich or powerful. Here’s where my theory gets me in trouble with people, even those who might agree with every element of it before I string it all together.

    Women look for a man who can take care of them. It’s innate. Can they go beyond this? Sure. Might they have conflicting drives? Sure. Might they settle down with a man who is shorter, or less intelligent, or less dominant in the relationship, or makes less money, etc.? Sure. We can all go beyond our innate drives. Does a woman not wanting to date a shorter man make you a hypocrite? Maybe. I’ve yet to meet someone who was not a hypocrite, even in the mirror. Would this be your worst fault? If it is, I’d rather like to meet you, not to date, but because you would be a paragon.

  33. People choose their mates based on a genetic trait, then wonder why they end up divorced. Hahaha…

  34. “I’ve automatically dismissed many a potential date because he was shorter than me”

    This doesn’t make you a bad feminist, but it does make you a terrible person. I sincerely hope that, if you have male children, they all turn up short and you learn of your own ridiculous bigotry the hard way.

  35. Yeah this is a bit fucked. But ıts the way of the world. Short men have ıt really rıdıculously hard and ıts not faır. Any man under 5’7 should just move to Brazıl or Argentına. Not a bad lıfe down there anyways.

  36. as a man just a tick under 5-7. it don’t bother me, i do love tall women.

  37. Jonathan says:

    It does make you a bad feminist. And here’s why.

    The “preference” for dating a taller man because you find him sexy or the height difference “natural”…well, what you’re actually finding is that a taller man makes you feel more secure…the height difference makes you feel protected. It makes you feel safe. This security is something you find sexy. It makes you feel…like a woman. It makes you feel feminine. You are relying on a man’s height to make you feel feminine.

    Relying on another person’s physical characters to determine how you feel about yourself…that makes you a bad feminist.

    The best part of this social joke is that a man’s height in no way actually determines his strength or masculinity. It’s entirely perceived. This is simply Nature vs. Nurture. And Nurture is the primary reason people place such importance on height. It’s not evolutionary. It’s not natural. It might be your preference, but don’t confuse it for something it isn’t. It’s accepted bigotry that you refuse to recognize or learn from.

  38. The problem is that shallow women are going around labeling their “deal breakers” as “preferences”.
    Is it shallow for a woman to have a preference for taller men? No, not at all. It is, however, shallow for a woman to refuse to date a man based solely on his height. A REFUSAL to date someone based on something (whether physical or non physical) is not a “preference” it is a “deal breaker”.

    For example: I (for some reason) have a preference for brunettes. Would I refuse to date a blonde? Of course not. What am I going to say? “Sorry, you’re really lovely and you’re smart, funny, creative and beautiful, but you’re blonde. Sorry, I can’t work with that”. Because it’s just a “preference” and NOT a “deal breaker”, it’s not a problem. Everyone (including me) has physical preferences, but I have no physical deal breakers, only non-physical ones.

    One common preference many men have for women is big boobs. There’s no denying it. Is that shallow? No. As long as it’s just a “preference” and NOT a “deal breaker”. I know of very few men who would REFUSE to date a woman solely on her breast size.

    The only thing worse than those women who refuse to date men who are shorter than them for no reason other than their height are the ones who give the reason as “I don’t date short guys because I like to wear heels”. Are you freaking kidding me?! The moment you put a fashion accessory ahead of a human being, that’s when you know you have issues.

    Also, for those women who say “it’s not my fault. It’s evolution” Great. Next time your boyfriend or husband cheats on you don’t get angry with him. In fact, he should be sleeping with multiple women according to evolution. If I really wanted to, I could do a bunch of despicable things and blame them on evolution. It wouldn’t make them right.

    And any woman who wants a taller man for “security”, is a deluded little princess living in a fairy land.

  39. I’m a 5’4″ guy. I’m good looking (except for the 5’4″ part). My experience with women has been interesting. Growing up, I did very well with girls. I had many, many girlfriends throughout middle school and high school, many of whom were among the prettiest girls in school. All of a sudden, when I hit college, my ability to attract girls pretty much disappeared. It actually took a few years for me to realize that my height was suddenly becoming a major impediment. Based on my personal experience, I have always wondered whether the height preference becomes stronger when women are on their own, as opposed to when they are 17 and still, presumably, living at home and being taken care of. I suppose that would be pretty easy to study.

    Anyway, now that I’m 35, financially successful, still good looking and, unfortunately, still 5’4″, I can say with absolute certainty that the number of women in my dating pool is very, very, very small due to my height. Unfortunately, I do empathize with several of the male posters above who have given up. I have pretty much taken a similar approach.

    All that being said, as much of a bummer as it is for me, I have never been able to blame women for not wanting to date short guys. I don’t understand what that has to do with feminism. It’s perfectly ok to refuse to date short guys if you don’t find short guys attractive. I think that you’re beating yourself up a bit by delving into why you aren’t attracted to short guys. You just aren’t. It’s cool. As much as it sucks to not date any women, it would suck worse to date a woman who was not attracted to me to begin with but felt bad about letting her height reference get the better of her. Guess where that relationship is going?

    • This guy… is awesome… best point of view! You can indeed blame a lot on ‘evolution’ to get away with it

      • He is indeed awesome. 🙂 Such a down-to-earth lovely guy who would be perfect for so many women. What a damn shame that something completely out of his control should prevent him from finding someone, because he deserves to find someone as lovely as he is.

  40. It’s the double standard that is so offensive. Feminists love to berate men for being attracted to young or busty women. You can’t criticize men for their primitive mate preferences and then turn around and defend your own.

  41. jason marks says:

    I found when i was younger there was a lot of prejudice with being short.I did find it hard growing up but over the years i have accepted it.I have just turned 21 and my height is 4’11 i havent grown since i was 14.I have a sister who is 18 and she turned out just right.She managed a height of 5’6 taking after our dad who was 5’8.Our mum is 5’4 and i thought i was just taking after her.I even imagined that i might grow taller than my grandmother who was 5’0.Over the years i have managed to be the same height has her due to her shrinking a little.I used to generally hang around with shorter people at school as i used to have trouble keeping up with the taller boys in my classes.I think i was happiest when i was younger and being a couple of years older than Molly i thought i might be her older bigger brother.It must have been when i was 10 and Molly just had her birthday.Mum decided to check our heights and it was then when Molly was bang on my height. I have an aunt mention that if i wasnt careful Molly will grow taller.Mum put it down to boys having a later growth spurt so she wasnt bothered.I thought it was abit weird being one of the shortest in my class and one of the oldest . I had quite a few friends that were okay with being short.I found the most daunting thing at high school the height measurement which was always done every year.In our first year at high school we were measured in boys then girls and the oldest to youngest. I think there were 5 of us boys and we were a good 5 inches shorter than some others.The girls didnt seem bothered by it out of all the class year i ended up being the 4th shortest out of boys and girls.The last year at high school we went through it again and i ended up being the 3rd shortest boy.Out of the whole year i was 6th.I still remember it as the teacher would shout out pupils height it wasnt very nice.I have heard when people shrink they can lose 2/3 ins after they 40 i am not looking forward to that one bit i could end up around 4’9 that isnt good.

  42. OF COURSE you are a bad feminist ! my god ! it’s so obvious, you are being superficial.

  43. james hudson says:

    I just get annoyed when people get on my case about my height.I have just turned 21 and always been shorter than my brother and sister.I have a brother who is 25 called Marcus and he is 5’6 and my sister is Janice and she is 5’4 and she is 23.Our parents are 5’4 and 5’7. I was usually shorter than most of my classmates during my school life. I stopped growing when i was 15 i remember it was when i had the annual height check at school.All of my school year was lined up from shortest to tallest first in the boys then with girls and boys.In the boy group i was the third shortest with not much between the shortest.Then came the bit with all the year and we had our heights shouted out by the head of year.I dont know who said that generally boys grow taller than girls as it wasnt in this case.I ended up being the 6th shortest with the difference not much.I find buying clothes frustrating when you are 5’0 and 21 i just cant get off the peg trousers i look in the junior section as the length comes up fine.I have stopped asking women out as i have been knocked back numerous times about if i was taller.I mean sometimes i am slightly taller than them anyway it done make sense.

  44. jason kirkham says:

    In blame my parents for my lack of height, my dad is 5’4 and my mum is 4’10.I am the oldest at 20 and my height is 5’1 then comes my sister who is 17 and she is 5’5 and lastly my brother who is 15 and 4’9 so far.All i hope is that my brother stays short like me as at the moment it may be looking like that. He does get upset when the younger kids at school are always pointing out how short he is to them.I went through the same thing while at school i ended up being the shortest in my year out of the boys.There were a couple of girls that didnt reach 5’0. My brother tells me that it isnt the boys thats the problem just the girls they push past him and he gets called names.I remember everyone saying our my sister looked the oldest when at family gatherings.I think that women are always the ones that are insensitive to men especially if they are short.I had it with my sister while growing up she was always saying how she was getting tall.I must have been 13 at the time and she was only 10 and my height after that it was downhill all the way for me.

  45. ian jenkins says:

    There isnt much you can do about peoples height.You have to just try and get on with it.I have and i can tell you it isnt nice when people have to point out that you arent as tall as them or that you look younger than what you are.I am 20 and my height is 5’1 i havent grown since i was 13/14.I know i have done growing it is annoying having to watch all your friends grow over the years.I am mainly on a par with women.Only for them it is easier to hide as they can wear their high heels.At work though it is quite funny when they get to the office the first thing they do is kick their heels off and put on low heels till lunchtime.In my office there must be at least 5/6 women that are really 4’10 to 5’3.With their heels on they are then a few inches taller than me.I got my height from my mother she is 5’2 whereas my sister who is 16 is 5’5 already and my father is 5’8.I used to always try to make myself look taller when my sister was around it seems quite a while since i was taller than her. In the office i do notice when women are around me they tend to side me up to see if they are taller or not. I have found a woman at work she is 26 and she is 5’5 when i am around her she seems to always stick up for me if the men mention things about my height.So i will have to see where this goes…

  46. I’m 5’8 so about average height for a man, maybe a little under. I generally do ok with women but more than one of my past girlfriends has commented on my height, saying they wish I was taller, how they don’t like wearing heals when we go out because it makes them about my height (so don’t wear them then…!?), or even blatantly checking out passing 6 foot plus guys in the street (that was the final straw in one relationship).

    When I die I’m coming back as a 6’2 guy. They have it so easy – women just flock towards them, even if they’re not that facially attractive or have next to no personality. So no, I’d say you’re not a bad feminist for preferring tall men, you’re merely following your instincts.

  47. Zainab says:

    I know a guy who likes me, he is short. Around 5ft probably. I am around the same height as him. He is a nice person the only thing in between is the height issue. Should I go ahead with it?

    • blkhpb18 says:

      If you like him, then why not? If you’re worried about what other people might think, just remember it’s your relationship and not theirs… the choice is up to YOU

  48. Steampunk_Moustache says:

    Congratulations, Kate. You’re a sexist who objectifies men as power objects.

    You are no different from a man who would ‘automatically dismiss’ women taller than himself, women with small breasts, women with flat buttocks, women over 130lbs, women over 30, women with less than perfect teeth.

    As self-described feminist, I assume you would label such views as mysogynistic, and as degrading women into nothing more than slabs of meat. So, what do your views on men say of you? Oh dear, Kate. Oh dear.

    You don’t get to call out men for objectifying women’s bodies and then espouse objectifying theirs.

  49. Eloisa_Attar says:

    All right, just gotta throw in my two cents.

    I am 5’7. My boyfriend is 5′ even. He is absolutely the best person I’ve ever dated. He’s funny, handsome, sexy, outgoing and manages his life better than anybody else I’ve ever dated. It’s been a change because I’ve only ever dated taller guys until now. But really, the only thing I don’t like about it is the occasional shit we get when we go around together. (Frankly, that’s other people’s problem, not mine.)

    I think you just have to ask yourself what is really important. Are you really going to pick some dumbass over a great guy just because of SHOES? Really? And think carefully when you judge. I know plenty of women who have met shorter men who have just completely rejected these dudes they admit they like because of other people’s expectations. Do the world a favor and really get to know people. And maybe think a little better of yourself, that you can handle seeing people for who they are, instead of from a position of fear. Strong-souled people seek their equals, and believe me, there are strong-souled people at every height.

  50. XavierS91 says:

    As a man of 5’9″ I can honestly say I have never had any insecurities regarding girls/women taller than me. Any man who does, you’re missing out on a whole lotta leg and a whole lotta woman. My message to women 5ft 8in and over: you are not manish or freaks of nature. You are more woman than insecure men can handle, but you have to be secure enough to give us a chance. Now I know guys who are shorter than me will say “At least you’re taller than me!”, but I’ve had girls/women say I’m too short for them when they are barely 5ft tall, so I feel your pain my shorter brothers. Tall girls, if you were in my company, you could wear the world’s biggest heels and I would still not care.

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