“With the help of my doctor, and without the pressure of shame or judgment, I got an abortion. Because of this, today I can tell my grandmother’s story.”
Last summer, the Supreme Court overturned the longstanding precedents of Roe v. Wade, representing the largest blow to women’s constitutional rights in history. A series from Ms., Our Abortion Stories chronicles readers’ experiences of abortion pre- and post-Roe. Abortions are sought by a wide range of people for many different reasons. There is no single story. Telling stories of then and now shows how critical abortion has been and continues to be for women and girls.
The fall of Roe will strain abortion access nationwide. We cannot, we must not lose the right to safe and accessible abortion or access to birth control.
Share your abortion story by emailing myabortionstory@msmagazine.com.
Editor’s note: These stories have been excerpted and lightly edited for clarity.
I’ll never forget being told, ‘If you don’t do this, you’re going to be on welfare.‘
Rep. Cori Bush (D-Mo.)
“I was 17 when I got pregnant. As I was doing an interview about it, I started to realize—wait a minute—what I experienced was actually rape. I just had no clue what was happening. We went from just talking, and next thing I knew, he was on top of me. I literally didn’t know what was happening. Did I say something wrong? I remember just lying there. A few weeks later, I found out that I was pregnant. I was able to go to the Yellow Pages and call; I didn’t have to jump through hoops or anything.
“I remember pulling up in the parking lot, people surrounding the car calling me all kinds of names: baby murderer and all of this. When I went into my own consultation, I’ll never forget how I was treated. I’ll never forget being told, ‘If you don’t do this, you’re going to be on welfare. Adoption isn’t really an option for you. You just have to get this done.‘
“I just remember feeling so hurt, and I just didn’t know what to do. I felt very alone, but I had the option to make the decision to go ahead or to not. I made the best decision for me because mentally and emotionally I was not in a good place. It changed my life because it gave me the space to be able to take care of Cori first.”
The shame of what she went through was enough to erase every last scrap of her being.
Emmanuelle
“My mother and my aunt never really got to know my grandmother. They have only the faintest of memories of her. When my grandmother passed, my grandfather was so bereft, he erased every last detail of her. Until recently, the story of my grandmother’s passing was that she died of bad kidneys. And that’s where the story ended—or so we thought.
“Throughout the years, my aunt kept digging for any bit of information about her mother. It turns out that the kidney infection she developed was worsened by the pregnancy no one knew about. And the illegal, ‘back alley’ abortion she received may be what ultimately killed her.
“It’s hard to know for certain whether she chose to have an abortion for medical reasons or because her children kept coming so fast and so frail. Or because my grandfather was an alcoholic with a volcanic temper. Or because they had very little money. My grandmother must have felt at the edge of a precipice. The shame of what she went through was enough to erase every last scrap of her being.
“Like many stories, this one has a twist. I was about my grandmother’s age: new mom to a six-month-old, a stepmom of two, working two jobs, managing financial pressures due to a recession, experiencing exhaustion and depression. And then, I got pregnant.
“My husband and I decided a pregnancy was something we could not handle. So, with the help of my doctor, and without the pressure of shame or judgment, I got an abortion. Because of this, today I can tell my grandmother’s story.
“I wish my story could have been my grandmother’s story, too. Her choice was the right one for her and her family, but lack of access killed her. I am sharing my story to show that abortion is healthcare, and access must be protected.”
“I can’t really explain it other than I felt like my body couldn’t do it.
“When I first received that positive pregnancy test, my husband and I immediately knew: it was not the right time. I was navigating health complications and severe pregnancy symptoms—so sick I could barely get out of bed, throwing up all the time, unable to eat anything. At that moment, I didn’t want to sacrifice my well-being. It was definitely not the correct choice for my body, and as a couple, we just weren’t ready.
“So we decided to figure out our options. Back when I was in an abusive relationship, I had gone through a procedural abortion so that experience felt very different from this one. I couldn’t—and didn’t want to—go through a procedural abortion again, so I started researching medication abortion. Our state requires people to receive an ultrasound and counseling before having an abortion, and it became increasingly difficult to get an appointment. I knew in my heart I needed this type of care, and I thought, I just have to get it another way.
“I took off from work and traveled to New York in order to get the medical care I needed. I used my best friend’s address and received medication through a company that delivers the abortion pill. The medication was delivered quickly, and then I flew back home because I decided I wanted to terminate the pregnancy in my house with my husband. Feeling as safe as possible, that’s what was most important to me.
“The minute I passed the pregnancy, I started feeling better, both mentally and physically. That experience was incredibly liberating—and such a relief. This experience, needing to get the care that felt right for me, really tied back to my ability to feel in control over my own healthcare, over what I’m willing to put my body through and what I’m not.”
Editor’s note: At-home abortions via medication abortion are legal, safe and available in all 50 states. The organization Plan C has a comprehensive guide to finding abortion pills on their website, which is continually updated and has all the latest information on where to find abortion pills from anywhere in the U.S.
A photo of me walking into an abortion clinic could have put my life in danger.
Xandi
“I was in an abusive relationship when I found out I was pregnant. A protester on the sidewalk tried to take my picture, but a clinic volunteer shielded me with an umbrella. A photo of me walking into an abortion clinic could have put my life in danger. I am so grateful for the clinic volunteers who kept me safe and defended my right to privacy that day.
“When I finally ended that relationship, my abuser became violent. He attacked me, busting my lip and spraining my wrist. I tried to press charges, but I couldn’t prove my injuries came from him.
“I changed my full name after that. I went back to school and got my master’s degree and now I work to improve access to healthcare for people in rural areas. I have never regretted my abortion. I wouldn’t be where I am today without it. I was able to choose to start my family now with the right person and that would not have been possible if I had not had access to abortion when I needed it. My abortion was one of the best decisions I’ve ever made and I strongly believe in everyone’s right to make that choice.”
I am sharing this story so that other women who are faced with health-threatening situations do not have to feel shame for choosing their health and life.
Susan
“I was in my 24th week of pregnancy when I was diagnosed with severe pre-eclampsia. I was told that the fetus needed 2 more weeks to viability, but that I could die or have a stroke if I did not end the pregnancy immediately. It was a heart-wrenching decision but I made the painful choice to terminate the pregnancy. I was devastatingly sad after this procedure, but went on to have two healthy daughters. I was grateful to have my health and theirs.
“When I hear about people speaking of late term or ‘partial birth’ abortions, it is beyond distressing. This was the most painful decision I have ever made, yet I am eternally grateful that I had the opportunity to make it. I am sharing this story so that other women who are faced with health-threatening situations do not have to feel shame for choosing their health and life.”
These stories were told to Planned Parenthood, Advocates for Youth and Elle—three organizations collecting and sharing abortion stories. Share your story with Ms. by emailing myabortionstory@msmagazine.com.
Up next:
U.S. democracy is at a dangerous inflection point—from the demise of abortion rights, to a lack of pay equity and parental leave, to skyrocketing maternal mortality, and attacks on trans health. Left unchecked, these crises will lead to wider gaps in political participation and representation. For 50 years, Ms. has been forging feminist journalism—reporting, rebelling and truth-telling from the front-lines, championing the Equal Rights Amendment, and centering the stories of those most impacted. With all that’s at stake for equality, we are redoubling our commitment for the next 50 years. In turn, we need your help, Support Ms. today with a donation—any amount that is meaningful to you. For as little as $5 each month, you’ll receive the print magazine along with our e-newsletters, action alerts, and invitations to Ms. Studios events and podcasts. We are grateful for your loyalty and ferocity.
