My child is front of mind in every single decision I make—from the obviously big ones, like where we live and our travel plans for the year, down to the smallest, like what color shirt I’m wearing for the day. (My son’s in a “match with Mom” phase right now.) Most parents will tell you the same: that our entire world revolves around the needs of our children. We operate in ways that we hope center their best interests because as parents, we want nothing more than for our children to thrive.
My third abortion was just that—a decision I made with my son in mind.
It should come at no surprise that a parent’s decision to have an abortion always factors in the needs of our existing children. Sixty percent of people having abortions were already parents to one or more children, according to the CDC’s 2019 study. I believe this is because no one realistically understands what parenting is like until you’re doing it. I see this statistic directly reflected in the storytellers that I work with at We Testify, where I’m privileged to call myself the co-executive director. These decisions reflect our best judgments to create an ideal world for our existing children. We have abortions for us, but it’s also really for them.
The concept of abortion as self-care has always resonated with me. I had two abortions prior to this one that allowed me to build a future that I envisioned for my life. But it wasn’t until I had an abortion as a parent that I truly felt the meaning behind abortion as an act of love. Abortion allows us to strengthen and protect our families that already exist—our families that include living and breathing children who deserve the absolute best we can give them. It let me center the needs of my family in a time when doing so in the United States is more difficult than ever before.
We have abortions for us, but it’s also really for them.
The state has failed children, perhaps the most vulnerable and marginalized segments of our society. And in the United States, this failure spans across the political divide.
- One in six American children live in poverty, and millions are still uninsured or underinsured.
- We also lead the world in gun deaths among school-aged children, but are not even close to the lead in actually schooling them.
- Transgender children in the United States are being erased, and over a third of LGBTQ+ youth have considered suicide.
- There are nearly 14 million children in the United States who are hungry and do not know when they will get their next meal.
Black children experience all these harms in a disproportionate manner and are also faced with the growing threat of death at the hands of the police. Abortion bans are a continuation of this failure and have real, devastating consequences of the lives of children today.
Not only are children precious and in dire need of protections the state fails to give them, but the youngest of them are unable to make their own decisions, yet they are forced to live with each one that we make as their parents. People under 18 (who can and do get pregnant) in the United States are faced with a myriad of barriers and boundaries when accessing abortion. From judicial bypass to out-of-state travel, the list of restrictions has only grown and their decisions have only become more criminalized.
The happiest version of my son’s mom is the one who had an abortion.
As parents in a society where communities have been gutted by capitalism and where not feeling depleted every damn day is truly a luxury, we are faced with a growing battle to tend to our own mental and emotional health. Just like us, children are complex emotional beings whose emotions need empathy and compassion. By having my abortion, I put my son’s needs and feelings at the forefront of my mind yet again, just like I do when picking out an outfit each morning.
While the state may not create the ideal environment for my son to grow and thrive, I will. My child deserves the happiest and healthiest version of his mom, as do all children who already exist to people who are having abortions! The happiest version of my son’s mom is the one who had an abortion.
I said it before, I am pro-abortion because I love babies. But to truly be pro-child, you must love abortion. I am pro-abortion because I love my son and in support of all children, who deserve to thrive in an environment that we dream and build for them. I am pro-abortion because I see and love parents who have abortions. I am pro-abortion because abortion and parenting are intricately intertwined forevermore.
