Motherhood was never meant to be done alone—and a mother’s dreams shouldn’t depend on whether she can find childcare that works with her children’s schedules.
Editor’s note: Front and Center is a groundbreaking series of op-eds—published by Ms., created in partnership with the Magnolia Mother’s Trust—which aims to put front and center the voices of Black women most affected by the often-abstract policies currently debated at the national level. The series highlights the success of Springboard to Opportunities’ trust, which since 2019 has given $1,000 per month for 12 months to about 100 families per year, all headed by Black women living in federally subsidized housing.
What possibilities could open up for low-income families if financial survival weren’t always top of mind? What dreams would these mothers and families be able to pursue? What activism and community leadership might arise? The series will answer these and other questions, by placing one mother’s story front and center. (The first-person accounts in this series are available for reprint. Find additional guidelines at the end of this story.)
I’m Candace. I’m 33 years old, from Jackson, Mississippi, and the mother of three children: a 10-year-old, a 7-year-old and a 1-year-old. Everything I do is based around my kids. Don’t invite me if my kids can’t come. They like being outside and playing football, so I try to be involved in whatever they like.
Motherhood is hardest when you’re doing it by yourself, period. I get help from time to time, but that almost makes it harder because I need help all the time. I can’t find a job that works around my kids’ schedule because I am full-time with them. I don’t have anybody I can call and say, “Can you pick my kids up?”
Being a Black mother is challenging on so many different levels. We deal with stereotypes. If you do one thing wrong, people think you are not taking care of your child. If you do this, you’re wrong, and if you do that, you’re wrong. You have to be cautious about everything: working, discipline, making sure they stay on track with school. It makes things hard.
Everything I do is based around my kids. Don’t invite me if my kids can’t come.
I want people to understand that the only way this works is if we help each other. There is no way around it. Everybody needs a community. Everybody needs somebody. Having the mindset that you don’t need anybody is unrealistic. If I see a single mom in the store trying to get groceries while her baby is crying, I’m going to ask, “What do you need me to do?” We have to learn how to lend a helping hand.
I’m working on getting my life insurance license. I really like helping people. If I can help financially in any way, that is what I want to do. There are a lot of financial problems in Jackson, and everybody is not well educated about financial stability. If I can help in some shape, form or fashion, I would like to.
My dream is to have my own business. I love helping people who have cancer find good wigs. Some people don’t like being bald or showing that they have lost their hair. My mom had cancer, so I focused on how she looked and felt. I think about that as a job, I’d really like to help others with cancer, and that could work around my kids’ schedule. It is all about my kids again. If it works with their schedule, I’m all for it.
I’m also thinking about moving. I’m not here to stay here. I’m not saying there is anything wrong with it, but if you can progress, progress. Don’t just take opportunities and blow them. Make them useful.
I would invest in myself and my kids. I would put more toward their future and make sure they have what they need, because it is hard and getting harder. My dream destination is Thailand; I have never been to that part of the world, but it looks so beautiful.
My dream is to have my own business. I love helping people who have cancer find good wigs. … My mom had cancer … I’d really like to help others with cancer, and that could work around my kids’ schedule.
As a single mom, you learn to make things work. If they say they’re hungry, it is instinct to have groceries and make sure they eat. I cook, and we figure it out. It might be spaghetti two nights in a row, but we figure it out.
The help that is supposed to be available for working mothers through government programs can be iffy. Unless you are completely unemployed, it can feel like you do not receive anything. But we are still struggling. We still live paycheck to paycheck, and people expect us to provide food out of that too. It is not realistic.
I have heard stories about other places where working moms have no problem getting what they need to provide for their children. I don’t know what the problem is here, but it is not all it is cracked up to be. It can make you not even want to deal with the program.
They need to do better with paperwork, too. Don’t tell us to email documents, then say you don’t have them when we have proof they were sent. Don’t tell us to bring documents to the front desk, then say you never received them. If something is missing, don’t wait until we get cut off to tell us. They need someone specifically responsible for dealing with paperwork.
As far as who should get help, I’m not going to say mothers who do not work should not receive it, because how are they going to feed their kids? But I also do not think it should be taken away from moms who work. If they have kids, they still have to feed them. We have bills, and a lot of those bills are mandatory. If people are working and living paycheck to paycheck, they should get help.
I want to encourage moms to take time for themselves. I do everything for everybody, and I never have a break. It gets stressful. There is nothing wrong with taking time for yourself mentally or physically. If you want to make yourself pretty, do it.
Honestly, I don’t have complaints. I’m grateful to be alive. When you have been in tough places and hit rock bottom, there is nowhere to go but up. In these times, life is what I’m grateful for.
Front and Center pieces are free to republish, under the following guidelines:
- At the top of your reprint, include a line that reads: “Front and Center is a series of op-eds published by Ms. magazine and created in partnership with Springboard to Opportunities and Magnolia Mother’s Trust.“
- You may also republish the art, photographs and video included in this story.
- If you share republished stories on social media, Ms. magazine and Springboard to Opportunities would appreciate being tagged in your posts.
Have questions on the series? Read more here, and direct specific questions to Katie Fleischer at kfleischer@msmagazine.com.
