Christy’s story reveals how America’s care system relies on women to shoulder impossible responsibilities with too little support.
Editor’s note: Front and Center is a groundbreaking series of op-eds—published by Ms., created in partnership with the Magnolia Mother’s Trust—which aims to put front and center the voices of Black women most affected by the often-abstract policies currently debated at the national level. The series highlights the success of Springboard to Opportunities’ trust, which this year will give $1,000 per month for 12 months to 100 families headed by Black women living in federally subsidized housing.
What possibilities could open up for low-income families if financial survival weren’t always top of mind? What dreams would these mothers and families be able to pursue? What activism and community leadership might arise? The series will answer these and other questions, by placing one mother’s story front and center. (The first-person accounts in this series are available for reprint. Find additional guidelines at the end of this story.)
My name is Christy, and I’m from Jackson, Miss. I’m a mother of five and I’m currently caring for my disabled mom.
Taking care of my children and my mom at the same time is rewarding, but it is also hard. I really don’t get much help with my kids from their dad, so most of the time I’m here with them.
I recently moved back to Mississippi from Alabama because I wanted to relieve my brother, who had been taking care of my mom. Since I’m her oldest daughter, I felt like I needed to come back and help so she wouldn’t have to go into a nursing facility. We’ve been here for a little over a year now, and even though it has its ups and downs, I feel like this is what I’m supposed to be doing.
I was working at Amazon on the weekends, but it got to a point where it was challenging because my mom needed help and my children needed me here too. I had to step back from working there so I could more fully monitor everybody. It has taken a financial toll because I’m not able to work like I was before. Sometimes my mom falls and I have to pick her up, so it can be hard to work with her and still manage everything else. My siblings are spread out, and I’m really the only one who can care for her right now, so I stay because that’s my mom. I lost my dad when I was 17, so I really wouldn’t want anybody else to take care of her but me or somebody in the family.
For the most part, it is rewarding knowing I can do this for her. She’s comfortable, I know she’s eating right, taking her medicine and being looked after.
I have five children. My oldest son will be 13 next month. I have an 11-year-old son, a 9-year-old daughter and a set of twins, who are 7 years old. My older kids do help out for the most part, and I try to raise them to be self-sufficient.
When I was young, I was the oldest girl, so I had to help with my siblings too. I also went to school for culinary arts, so I teach my kids to get in the kitchen with me, cook and help with my mom.
I was working at Amazon on the weekends, but … my mom needed help and my children needed me here too.
I had gotten a job offer in Alabama at a plant that paid pretty well. They relocated us and paid for housing for a while until we were able to get our own place. I took that opportunity to try to get out of Jackson and rearrange my life a little bit for a better life for my kids. Since my brother had my mom, I felt comfortable enough to leave.
I ended up leaving that job because of workforce issues; I felt I was treated unfairly, doing more than I was supposed to do and not getting paid for it.
After that, I worked at a nursing home and ran the kitchen there, so I was kind of using my degree. I went to school for culinary arts because it was something my dad was big into, and I wanted to do that to honor him.
I don’t really use my degree like that anymore, but I still love cooking and I’m the family cook. I cook every holiday, so if nobody else uses my degree, my family does.
I started my LLC in 2019 and was doing a little catering and selling plates. My dream has always been to get a food truck and travel around to different places selling my food, because my love language is food. That dream is still there for me, especially in the future when my kids are a little older and won’t need me around as much. Right now, I still cook every day, so it is not gone, just on hold for now. I still believe it is never too late to do what you want to do, as long as you still have passion for it.
… I stay because that’s my mom. I lost my dad when I was 17, so I really wouldn’t want anybody else to take care of her but me or somebody in the family.
My mom had a stroke about three years ago. We have a family history of high blood pressure, diabetes and things like that, and the stroke completely changed her from being independent to needing people to care for her. She had her own place and was driving, and now she is paralyzed on one side of her body. She walks with a cane or a walker and one arm does not move at all.
Every day I get up and cook for her, talk with her, take her to the bathroom, do her hair and handle whatever she needs. I make breakfast, lunch and dinner. She can get around some, but if she tries to do too much, she can fall and I have to pick her up. I stay close so if anything happens, I can be right there.
That transition has been very hard for her. She still wants to get her own place and live like she used to, but things are not the same anymore. She knows what is going on with her, but she is very emotional and cries a lot, and they put her on medicine for that. It is hard seeing her like that, but I know we’ve got her. I also know she is still young—56—and I keep telling her we need to get her moving around. I’ve been trying to look into things she can do, like programs or schools she can go to, so she can get out of the house and socialize with other people who have disabilities too and build her confidence. I’m still new to all of that, so I’m trying to learn what is available.
She does receive disability, and when she was with my brother, he was the one handling it as her power of attorney. When she came up here with me, I advocated for her to be overseeing her own stuff. My sisters didn’t agree with it, but I felt like she needed something tangible that was hers. The money comes and goes, but I feel like she should have that freedom and sense of self. My mom is still my mom, and I’m not going to tell her what to do with her money. She likes to buy hair stuff and things she needs, and I let her do that. We’re all in one household and we help each other.
I haven’t really gotten resources from the disability office about places she can go or things she can do. They send letters about her income, but nothing like, “Hey, reach out to this place.”
I found out about some things through my neighbor, because she is in a similar situation. I’m big on resources, so if somebody sends me something, I’m going to look into it. Since I’ve been here, I’ve had a tremendous amount of support from neighbors and other moms. When I was working, my neighbor downstairs helped me a lot. She would keep the kids, cook and bring food for my mom. She had six kids herself, so she understood.
Since I’ve been in the fellowship through Springboard, it’s been a good outlet for me to speak and say how I feel. I don’t always talk about certain things, and I’ve been isolated, so it means a lot to be somewhere people care about what I go through.
I went to school for culinary arts because it was something my dad was big into, and I wanted to do that to honor him. … I still love cooking and I’m the family cook.
What would make caregiving for two generations of family easier, is a break. If my mom had places to go, or if somebody could take her every other weekend or even every weekend sometimes, that would give me time to myself to breathe and live a little bit. My siblings are far away, my car situation makes it hard to get around and I’m always here, so having a little peace would help me and my kids too.
When I was working at Amazon, my doctor had to put me on a mental leave because it was just too much. I was thinking about the kids and my mom all the time, and that was overwhelming. I also had to deal with childcare vouchers before, which helped a lot with after-school care and transportation, but when I recently had to recertify, I was cut off because I missed getting a copy of my ID in by the deadline and ended up on a waiting list.
If I had more financial stability, it would help a lot. It would help with food, the kids and the pressure of trying to keep everything together. Even a little more would give me some room to breathe. When I’m not so stressed, I can focus more on caring for my mom and helping my children. That is what I do every day.
Front and Center pieces are free to republish, under the following guidelines:
- At the top of your reprint, include a line that reads: “Front and Center is a series of op-eds published by Ms. magazine and created in partnership with Springboard to Opportunities and Magnolia Mother’s Trust.“
- You may also republish the art, photographs and video included in this story.
- If you share republished stories on social media, Ms. magazine and Springboard to Opportunities would appreciate being tagged in your posts.
Have questions on the series? Read more here, and direct specific questions to Katie Fleischer at kfleischer@msmagazine.com.
