From her mother’s resilience to Wilma Mankiller’s wit, Steinem reflects on the people who shaped her life and the optimism she carried through it.
“The written word has always been magic to me,” Gloria Steinem—celebrated writer, feminist activist and cofounder of this magazine—observes in her charming new memoir, An Unexpected Life. “One of my greatest pleasures has always been opening a book and finding a friend.”
In this posthumous release, she gives us exactly that: a volume that is wise and witty, intimate and inspiring. It’s a chance to get to know her not as an icon, but as a friend.
Gloria and I chatted about the book the month before her death.
This conversation has been edited for publication.
Feminism is positive, widely embraced and global. It is spreading and growing. That gives me hope.
Gloria Steinem
Ms.: Not to be too gushy, Gloria, but you have always represented such admirable qualities to me: so modest, so inclusive, so generous, so upbeat and positive, even in the toughest moments. In the book, you say that you learned to cope with the unexpected and unwelcome from your mother, who understood the value of bad things happening as well as good ones. “Tears deepen your cup so it can hold more happiness,” she would say.
Can you add a few more words about your mother and father, and the obstacles they and you surmounted together?
Gloria Steinem: My mother loved writing but was unable to continue her journalism career.
My father had two points of pride: He never wore a hat, and he never had a job. Those made him charming, but also undependable.
Ms.: You escaped the challenging confines of East Toledo, Ohio, for the more privileged circumstances of Smith College, with the help of your older sister, who had also gone there. What lessons did you learn at Smith?
Steinem: Smith showed me my first security, and provided many new subjects and interests, but it also made me know I would not prosper in the kind of mostly suburban life it was then likely to offer.
Ms.: A Fulbright fellowship to study in India for two years after college was life-changing. You emerged as a “radical humanist,” committed to equal rights for all, across divides of gender, race, class and geography—a gentle but determined warrior against the white, Western, largely male canon that shaped most thinking at the time. Tell us about those formative moments.
Steinem: I met and came to know prominent, hopeful, idealistic groups who were then prospering in independent India.
For example, the radical humanists who were followers of Gandhi, but more organized and working toward a practical alternative from the bottom up. I was inspired by them because they were independent, they held weeks-long camps and classes, they would fill the night with argument and stories and ideas. I had never met in my own country a group of grown-ups who put all their hearts and energy into creating a new world.
Ms.: Understanding the power and perils of representation, you have always included Black and brown and Native American women in feminist forums. You dedicate this book to Wilma Mankiller, the first woman elected to serve as chief of the Cherokee Nation. What is the best advice you took from her?
Steinem: Wilma Mankiller, after making jokes about her name, often said, “Never be bored or hostile. You know you’re in the wrong place. And never be anywhere you can’t laugh.”
Ms.: In the book, you quote Audre Lorde: “Without community, there is no liberation.”
Friends, you say, are your chosen family. You want “talking circles” to be a part of your legacy, and hope to leave your beautiful brownstone home in Manhattan as a place for your friends to carry on transformative conversations.
Steinem: In my own home growing up, I did not always feel protected because my mother wasn’t well and I was protecting her. That allowed me to choose friends that I trusted and turn them into a widespread, diverse family. I can’t be sure [my friends] will find family, but in this complex trusting process I have found mine and I hope they do too.
Ms.: What about today’s backlash against feminism causes you the most angst? What gives you renewed cause for optimism?
Steinem: My angst is that our uninformed opponents continue to characterize feminism narrowly—for example, as an elite, white and middle-class movement. We know that it is quite the opposite. Feminism is positive, widely embraced and global. It is spreading and growing. That gives me hope.
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Poll after poll shows a majority of Americans support reproductive healthcare access. Yet public debate overlooks the lives shaped by abortion access, contraception, IVF, miscarriage care, maternal healthcare or comprehensive sex education—countless women who chose to pursue an education, have children, not have children, protect their health and chart their own future. What’s your reproductive freedom story? Add your voice. Together, these stories will help show not only why reproductive freedom remains a majority value, but also what it makes possible.
