Coercive Control

Coercive control is the attempt to dominate an intimate partner by subjecting them to psychological, sexual, technological or financial abuse. Almost all physical domestic violence is preceded by coercive control.

‘When Power Curdles Into Violence’: Escaping the Tradwife Lifestyle

Brides shouldn’t be thinking about homework just before their wedding day. But when I entered into an arranged marriage with a 28-year-old stranger, I was still just a 17-year-old girl who loved her private British school and her books and cricket—and so I found myself thinking about a creative-writing assignment I had recently finished. I’d written a story about a young woman who wore jewelry in the shapes of snakes. I wrote that they suddenly came to life and they slithered up to her throat, strangling her. 

As someone who was forced into a life I never chose, I am appalled that women, who are more empowered than ever, are effectively choosing a life without choice—putting themselves in a prison of their own making.

Surprised a Colorado Mom Was Jailed for Protecting Her Kids? Don’t Be.

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Rachel Pickrel-Hawkins was jailed for objecting to court ordered “reunification therapy” that sought to mend the relationship between her children and their father, a man charged with sexually assaulting three of their daughters and physically abusing their son.

As a divorce coach and coercive control expert, who are both domestic abuse survivors, we see these mind boggling, trauma-inducing decisions by family courts every day. This Colorado mom could be any mom. That’s why it’s time that America deals with our family court crisis head on.

N.Y. Bill to End Statute of Limitations on Sex Crimes Could Help Survivors Seek Justice

“We have to crawl our way out, even though we tripped our way in,” said Gabrielle Prieto, who was sex trafficked at 12 years old and is now challenging the stigmas surrounding survivors of sex trafficking and advocates to end sex trade.

In New York, a new bill could afford survivors seeking legal recourse for the crimes committed against them a real chance for justice—removing the five-year statute of limitations on sex crimes.

Massachusetts Gov. Maura Healey Signs Coercive Control Bill Into Law

Massachusetts just became the seventh state in the country to pass legislation classifying coercive control as a form of domestic violence.

Attorney Jamie Sabino of the Massachusetts Law Reform Institute said the survivor and expert testimony that influenced legislators “spelled out the lifetime and generational harm caused by coercive control. Non-physical abuse like revenge porn, which is a form of technology abuse, is typically a precursor to more serious and violent acts, including sexual and physical assault or homicide.”

America Needs Bethenny Frankel’s Divorce Podcast

“Finally.” That’s what Emma thought when she heard Bethenny Frankel spill the beans about her epic split on her new Just B Divorced podcast. Finally, someone was validating what millions of women go through silently behind divorce court doors. The Real Housewives of New York alum has millions of fans and a multi-million dollar business empire. In the show’s first two episodes, Frankel took listeners behind the scenes of the “torture” she endured during a 10-year divorce for a two-year marriage.

But following her mother’s death, Frankel announced that she was putting the new pod on hold and the episodes disappeared.

The Tradwife’s Catch-22

How is it that an independent business executive goes from a full-time position in the C-suite to a full-time position in the kitchen, out of submissive devotion to her husband? If you’ve recently spent time on TikTok or Instagram, you may have wrestled with this question.

Tradwife influencers are right to point out the emptiness, precarity and dissatisfaction of neoliberal life, and the appeal of the alternative they offer is clear. But much of the rosy picture they paint exists only on our iPhones and not in reality. Domestic labor is neither slow nor peaceful.

War on Women Report: Anti-Abortion Activists Desperate to Keep Abortion Off 2024 Ballot; NAIA Bars Trans Women From Competing

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U.S. patriarchal authoritarianism is on the rise, and democracy is on the decline. But day after day, we stay vigilant in our goals to dismantle patriarchy at every turn. The fight is far from over. We are watching, and we refuse to go back. This is the War on Women Report.

Since our last report: Missouri anti-abortion activists try to trick voters out of supporting a ballot measure to protect abortion rights; 70 percent of school shooters committed violence against women before or during their attacks; Connecticut may join Maine, Texas, California and New York in adopting coerced debt protections; Fox News spent only 12 minutes covering a ruling from the all-Republican Arizona Supreme Court reviving a 160-year-old state law that bans abortion; and more.

‘Hysterical’ Women Out for Revenge: Family Court’s Misogynistic Tropes Traumatize Women and Children

The misogynist trope of the “hysterical woman out for revenge” is used quite effectively by coercive controlling abusers—and, as a result, some women lose custody of their children and are financially ruined.

“It’s more comfortable to accept the explanation that women are crazy, rather than that many men are violent,” said attorney Suzanne Zaccour, director of legal affairs at the National Association of Women in the Law in Ottawa.

But the tide is turning, as notable cases like Catherine Kassenoff’s emerge, highlighting institutional gender bias in family courts.

California Court Grants Restraining Order Based on Coercive Control

In September 2020, California Gov. Gavin Newsom (D) signed one of the country’s first laws explicitly prohibiting coercive control in intimate partner relationships. On Aug. 10, Vanessa A. Zecher—a judge of the Superior Court of Santa Clara County— entered a permanent restraining order against a man for coercive control domestic abuse. With campaigns for similar laws moving forward in several states, the case gives advocates concrete evidence of how coercive control laws are critical for freeing survivors from the grasp of abusive partners.

“This case is one of the first cases in the United States where coercive control was considered domestic violence in the absence of physical abuse,” said Lisa Fontes, a professor at the University of Massachusetts, Amherst, and an expert on coercive control.

“I hope this case gives other victims hope that there is a pathway out,” said the wife’s attorney, Rebekah Frye. “I hope they will recognize that what they may think in their head or heart is normal—that they will realize it’s not. And then hopefully at some point in time, if they choose to leave, there will be a court, an attorney, a professional out there that will help them get out.”

Texas Case Shows How Abortion Bans Facilitate Domestic Abuse

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Brittni Silva found out she was pregnant after filing for divorce from Marcus Silva in May of 2022.

Marcus recently sued his wife’s friends for helping her obtain an abortion. The man has a long history of coercive control—a type of domestic abuse that can include isolation, manipulation, monitoring, intimidation and verbal, legal, physical and sexual abuse. The Silva case illustrates how this state coercion adds another weapon to an abuser’s controlling arsenal.