“Someone as powerful and ‘out there’ as she is had to go through the same nightmare divorce scenario as the rest of us in our broken family court.”
“Finally.”
That’s what Emma thought when she heard Bethenny Frankel spill the beans about her epic split on her new Just B Divorced podcast. Finally, someone was validating what millions of women go through silently behind divorce court doors. The Real Housewives of New York alum has millions of fans and a multi-million dollar business empire. In the show’s first two episodes, Frankel took listeners behind the scenes of the “torture” she endured during a 10-year divorce for a two-year marriage.
Frankel filed for divorce from her ex-husband Jason Poppy in 2013 and didn’t mince words, saying, “I have been through a f—ing war.” The 53-year-old said she’d experienced every kind of abuse except physical, was told she was a terrible parent, endured multiple custody trials and had her child withheld from her. She finally won custody of their daughter Brynn in 2020.
“Someone as powerful and ‘out there’ as she is had to go through the same nightmare divorce scenario as the rest of us in our broken family court,” said Emma, a New England woman who doesn’t want to use her name because she fears her ex will retaliate. “Bethenny was right that it is hell—the legal abuse where spouses can just keep filing motions against you to keep things going and harass you. The whole thing has given me massive PTSD.”
@bethennyfrankel It’s all flooding in now #justb #divorced #podcast #trapped #unlocked #trauma #torture ♬ original sound – Bethenny Frankel
Just B Divorced on Hold
But following her mother’s death, Frankel recently announced that she was putting the new pod on hold and the episodes disappeared.
“I have chosen to temporarily remove my divorce podcast as a result of an overwhelming response and an influx of messages that have converged with the most significant loss of my life,” she posted on Instagram. “It is impossible for me to grieve and process both of these traumatic events at the same time. In the coming weeks, we will continue this dialogue to help you navigate your challenging divorce journeys.”
“Nooooo … I’m devastated,” one listener posted. Many fans worry she won’t be coming back to the divorce soapbox—and say she needs to.
Nothing will ever be, in my entire life, as tortuous as my divorce… I did not see a way out… and I… was a well-known, wealthy, powerful, successful, attractive, smart woman with a whole big career ahead of her. So imagine what a person who doesn’t have all those things going for them goes through and feels like?
Bethenny Frankel
As a divorce coach, I hope she resumes too. I’m not a Housewives fan—but I do live in the family court underworld helping women like Emma survive a system that favors abusers, perpetuates conflict and can cost parents their health, homes, jobs, children and even their lives.
Last year, I reported on the bright New York attorney and mother, Catherine Kassenoff, who chose a Swiss assisted suicide after years battling to regain custody of her daughters. Like Frankel, I was flooded with thousands of emails from women begging me to tell their nightmare divorce stories.
Some lose custody of their kids after their abusers file ex parte (emergency) motions where women are painted as “crazy” and “evil,” plus don’t get to tell their side of the story. Narcissistic spouses go on the offense, filing motion after motion to deplete their wives’ financial resources. Legislative reform has happened in a few states, but it’s slow going and America has wanted to ignore this crisis.
So those of us in the trenches have been hoping for a hero—a liberator—who can shine a light so bright on this Twilight Zone that there will be a massive outcry for change. We also hope it wasn’t threats of litigation that shut her down.
“Nothing will ever be, in my entire life, as tortuous as my divorce,” Frankel told listeners in the first episode. “It was by far the worst experience of my life. I thought I would never survive it. I did not see a way out … and I … was a well-known, wealthy, powerful, successful, attractive, smart woman with a whole big career ahead of her. So imagine what a person who doesn’t have all those things going for them goes through and feels like? The power struggle, the manipulation. … There are so many things that go on.”
What Happens in Family Court
Until you go through one, you have no idea what goes down in divorce cases—and frankly, you probably don’t care. Plus, our society likes to label them “ugly divorces,” “Jerry Springer stories” and “he said she said” situations.
In my experience, there’s usually one person who wants to split and another high-conflict spouse who is hurt, enraged and hell-bent on control, who prolongs the process—and the spending—as long as possible.
Who cashes in on the conflict? All the attorneys and forensic accountants, plus the myriad of custody “professionals” assigned to your case—many of whom you’re responsible for paying: attorneys for the children, parent coordinators, custody evaluators, and so on. Couples with means can spend hundreds of thousands in this process—even millions. Defendants without means go broke.
It was amazing how quickly my healing began as I started sharing my story with someone who could actually empathize. … This is Bethenny’s healing journey—and it will help so many other women.
Emma
“I think that if the general public were aware of what really happens in family court, nobody would tolerate it,” said Danielle Pollack, policy manager at the National Family Violence Law Center at George Washington University and a national leader in family court reform. “But the general public doesn’t yet understand. It is near-constant trauma and oftentimes devastation for protective parents and children.”
Lissa Southerland was one of those in the dark. “It was gripping, the way Bethenny broke it down and discussed the mental and physical torture. I didn’t realize how deep it was for her but listening to the podcast you heard it in her voice.”
Southerland is a New York woman who’s happily married and plans to stay that way. “I think another piece is I’m a mom of four, so to hear a mother’s perspective that she was fighting so hard for custody and nothing was going to stop her … that really hit a nerve for me.”
That’s exactly why Emma devoured the podcast—and hopes Just B Divorced comes back. Like Frankel, she’s a highly successful business executive. But she has spent overnights in jail like a common criminal, because her husband had his heart set on revenge. “The police like me. They don’t like you,” he would allegedly say to Emma—and he was right. When he called 911 and claimed she was abusing him, they carted her away.
“It was amazing how quickly my healing began as I started sharing my story with someone who could actually empathize,” Emma said. “This is Bethenny’s healing journey—and it will help so many other women.”
Stay tuned.
Up next:
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