Two leading advocates for gender justice argue that caregiving policy is where men’s and women’s movements must unite.
The Trump administration would have you believe they’ll try anything to have more babies. Their proposed list of incentives include medals for mothers who have more than six children, classes to educate women about their menstrual cycles, and special seats reserved in the Fulbright program for applicants with children.
Anything, that is, except the glaringly obvious solutions: affordable, accessible childcare and paid parental leave.
In a moment like this—when the cost of childcare outpaces the cost of rent in all 50 states—you’d think there’d be an army of parents standing shoulder to shoulder, demanding better. Instead, we’ve seen moms and dads talking past each other. There are plenty of women talking about how the cost of childcare hurts working moms, and there are plenty of men talking about how we need to reframe manhood to be more inclusive of caregivers. But they don’t seem to be talking to each other.
That’s a strategic mistake. If we want to secure policies that will benefit all parents, then we need to come together, breaking down the silos between those advocating for men and those advocating for women. After all, we want the same things: affordable childcare, paid leave and a living wage for all families.
Historically, men haven’t always been welcome in women’s movements—and in many cases, that was by design. Radical, white feminist-majority groups, like the Redstockings of the 1970s, boxed men out of their organizing efforts and blanket-assigned them blame—oftentimes, dismissing the real struggles faced by poor men, uneducated men and men of color. That not only pushed away potential male allies, but it alienated women of color and other marginalized groups. Even today, we see “women only” language used as a front for the anti-trans sentiment that remains alive and well in women’s organizations.
All that set the stage for the gender division we’re seeing right now. Many have wisely realized that the boys are not all right; they’re falling behind academically, flailing on the job market and struggling with their mental health. So scholars and organizations have emerged to do the important, complicated work of rethinking our culture’s concept of masculinity and forging a new path forward for boys and men.
Yet, by and large, this work is happening in parallel—not in partnership—with existing gender equality efforts. In other words, we have women’s groups fighting for “women’s problems” and men’s organizations fighting for “men’s problems.”
Disconnection slows down our movements; solidarity can supercharge them.
Both of us have witnessed that divide personally. You could even say we come from opposite sides of it: Reshma has spent years championing gender equality in STEM, and more recently, repairing a broken care economy held up by moms. Gary, meanwhile, has worked to engage men and boys of all backgrounds to redefine masculinity in the US and globally, with an emphasis on promoting men’s care for others, as fathers but far beyond. But we’ve realized that we’re really fighting the same fight. We’re working towards the same vision, and neither of us can achieve it without the other.
So why is breaking down the silos so hard?
We’ve been sold the con of zero-sum thinking, the idea that one group’s gain is another’s loss. It’s an age-old myth, but we have good reason to believe it’s getting worse—especially when it comes to gender. As more women work to earn college degrees and leadership positions, for example, a third of Republican men believe women’s gains have come at their expense.
The consequence of zero-sum thinking is that we’re all worse off for it. By now, we all know that women bear the brunt of caregiving—taking on as much as triple what men do. But let’s flip the script for a moment. Look at the problem from another angle, and you could also say that economic expectations and traditional gender roles have made it difficult for men to participate in caregiving—even though the vast majority find it incredibly meaningful. Eighty-five percent of fathers with young children say being a parent is one of the most, if not the most, important aspect of their identity.
It’s no wonder, then, that policies supporting parents are popular across gender lines. In a 2024 Equimundo survey, researchers found that more than 80 percent of American men and women across political, ethnic and income groups support basic care policies, including parental leave and childcare reform.
Here’s the other thing our research tells us: Men and women see caregiving as central to their lives, their purpose and their happiness. Equimundo’s research found that in the U.S. and around the world, when men and women feel supported in their care for their families, they are 1.5 times more likely to say they have the life they wanted. It’s not just about shared economic wellbeing or policy goals. It’s about our literal happiness as human beings.
That’s why organizations and movement leaders need to deliberately forge partnerships across the gender divide. That isn’t always easy or comfortable, especially when we’ve been taught for so long to stay in our own lanes and dismiss, or even distrust, those on the other side. But the old model just isn’t working—and it certainly won’t push any of our common interests forward. Disconnection slows down our movements; solidarity can supercharge them.
We’re already seeing encouraging signs of what solidarity can look like. Congress isn’t typically the place we go to find models of unity or teamwork. But in 2024, when Rep. Jimmy Gomez launched the first-ever Congressional Dads Caucus, his first action was to reach out to the Congressional Mamas Caucus to make sure they worked together from the beginning. That’s what true partnership looks like.
On June 5, we brought together our respective movements in the first-ever Future of Fatherhood Summit in New York City (recording available for free online!). For too long, we’ve been talking about the problems facing men and boys and women and girls in silos, without putting our collective energy behind identifying and uplifting solutions. At the summit, we were joined by speakers including journalist Liz Plank, Rha Goddess (author and founder and CEO of entrepreneurial training company Move the Crowd) and Jonathan Haidt (author of The Anxious Generation: How the Great Rewiring of Childhood is Causing an Epidemic of Mental Illness) to kick-start a conversation and partnership to advance our movements together.
To be clear, our common interests aren’t limited to policies that will help parents. But those policies—childcare in particular—are up for debate in the halls of Congress right now. Fixing the care crisis shouldn’t be our only end goal, but it’s a valuable and urgent starting point.
Because this isn’t an “instead of” conversation. It’s a “yes, and” conversation. Yes, women’s equality is unfinished—and men are struggling. Yes, we need to change the conversation for our boys—and we need to create opportunities for girls. Yes, we’ve been divided in the past—and it’s not too late to fight for our future, our happiness, our well-being, together.
