11,178. That’s how many women, men and children are memorialized by “Remember My Name,” a national registry of people whose lives ended because of domestic violence. Each name represents a unique individual and yet, these cases all share something in common: systems and policies that failed to protect them from the one causing them harm and ultimately taking their life.
Millions of people experience domestic violence each year. These failures can be the difference between life or death, not only for people experiencing abuse, but for their families, friends, neighbors, co-workers and first responders who are also vulnerable to the impacts of domestic violence in their communities.
For too long, domestic violence has been treated as an individual or private matter, rather than a systemic problem and a public health crisis—making it difficult for people to reach out for support and when they do an under-funded response means services are overwhelmed with demand. Enough is enough. It’s time to get loud about domestic violence and ensure everyone understands the scale of this crisis and how it impacts everyone’s lives—not just those directly affected..
Thirty years ago, when the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence (NCADV) in collaboration with Ms. magazine, launched “Remember My Name,” the public was just beginning to acknowledge the realities of domestic violence.
- The United Nations had just issued and adopted the Declaration on the Elimination of Violence Against Women the year prior, in 1993.
- Here in the U.S., the Violence Against Women Act was passed the same year “Remember My Name” launched and, in 1996, the National Domestic Violence Hotline (The Hotline) answered its first call.
Before these landmark moments, domestic violence was seldom spoken about—in fact, we had a long history of social and legal systems that ignored domestic violence and in some cases, even justified it. There was little research into domestic violence and limited recourse for victims and survivors. Support services were grassroots and often operated from kitchen tables and living rooms; women coming to the aid of other women in their communities.
“Remember My Name” helped make the invisible, visible. When The Hotline and NCADV merged in 2021, we knew “Remember My Name” would be a critical part of our ongoing work. These names and stories have been collected since 1994, but some go back as far as 1930. While we cannot reach back through time to all the people who have lost their lives because of domestic violence, we can make sure we honor their lives. We can make sure their surviving loved ones know that we see them, and that we are committed to a future where people can live free from abuse. And we can work to do better so that no one else has to lose their lives to domestic violence.
“Remember My Name” includes 11,178 names, but this number barely scratches the surface. According to the Centers for Disease Control, there were 2,242 domestic violence-related homicides in 48 states and the District of Columbia in 2021 alone. You can’t fix a problem you can’t see, and when it comes to domestic violence-related deaths, it is clear we still don’t have the full picture.
There are several reasons why federal level data is lacking in this area.
1. Inconsistent reporting across states means that the relationship between a homicide victim and perpetrator is not always captured, depending on what reporting system is used by any given state. Each state also classifies domestic violence differently: Some jurisdictions define domestic violence as between intimate partners, while others define it as any violence within the home, which can incorporate family violence and even violence between non-romantic roommates. It’s difficult to understand these nuances when reviewing data at a national level.
2. Domestic violence is underreported by those who might be experiencing it, and there is no consistent tracking in place to capture interactions victims and survivors might have with systems outside of the criminal justice system. Survivors may utilize law enforcement and the courts to report violence, but for a multitude of reasons, they often don’t. Instead, they may tap into other avenues for support—including friends and family, healthcare, benefit programs, and faith communities—without ever reporting domestic violence. Unfortunately, this means connections go missed, along with opportunities for interventions and understanding the full scope of the crisis.
And yet, without a clear and standardized data collection of the lethal consequences of domestic violence, we cannot get a full sense of the overarching barriers and risk factors victims are experiencing. While the circumstances of each case vary, together they tell a broader story about the epidemic of domestic violence, and what we need to do to end it.
We know from both local and national data sources that victims are disproportionately women—especially Black and Indigenous women.
We also know that firearms are the most common weapon used. In fact, the mere presence of a gun makes it five times more likely that a domestic violence dispute will end in a fatality. And what’s worse is that leaving an abusive relationship is also the most dangerous time for a survivor: Seventy-seven percent of domestic violence-related homicides occur after a separation, and there is a 75 percent increase in violence following the separation for at least two years.
We owe it to those who have died because of domestic violence, to every survivor and every person actively planning for their safety, to do better. As we near the end of Domestic Violence Awareness Month and reflect on the 30 years since “Remember My Name” launched, we invite all those who read this to join us not only in remembering the people who have died because of domestic violence, but to join us in saying their names. Loudly. Often. We need people to hear their stories, demand better tracking and reporting at all levels to fully understand this crisis, and work towards a day where we can stop adding names to the list.
If you have lost a loved one because of domestic violence, submit their information here to be included in the “Remember My Name” registry.
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